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Unshakeable You - Re-Building Low Self-Esteem Hey, hey! Fancy seeing you here again – welcome back! This is where the magic happens, the second leg of our adventure into reigniting that inner spark, your self-esteem. And no fluff here — just down-to-earth, practical stuff to help you step back into your personal power. So grab yourself a brew, maybe a notebook, because we're about to explore some game-changing strategies to reconnect with who you really are and get that confidence flowing again. Here's what we're diving into today: Self-Compassion Over Empathy: How would life shift if you treated yourself like your best mate? Yeah, we're talking proper kindness – none of that harsh self-talk nonsense. Discovering What Matters: You know those core values lurking under the surface? Let's dig them up and see how they can guide your choices. Small, Doable Goals: Forget the overwhelming "must-change-everything-today" mindset. Let's take one tiny, meaningful step at a time. Redefining Criticism: Flip the script on those voices — whether they're your own or someone else's — and use them to grow instead of shrink. The Gratitude Hack: Bet you didn't know gratitude could turbocharge your self-esteem, did you? Let's tap into that. This isn't about becoming someone else — it's about reconnecting with you and owning your brilliance. No one's got time for fake transformations. We're doing the real deal, simple and effective. Sound good? Right then — let's dive in and make it happen. Listen now and start moving towards that unshakable you. https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/432-unshakeable-you-re-building-low-self-esteem-part-2 Shine Brightly 🌟 Paul Hey there! I'd love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you've enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at [email protected]. Subscribe to the Podcast Ready to subscribe? Click here to explore your options. Or, if you're on Apple Music or iTunes, you can go straight to subscribe or leave a review here. Special Programs for You For tools on developing Supreme Inner Confidence, finding Freedom from Anxiety, or specialized Hypnosis Tracks, visit PaulCloughOnline.com. Free Hypnosis Tracks Want access to my FREE hypnosis tracks? Head over to paulcloughonline.com/podcast. Connect with Me Follow me on Twitter: @pcloughie Remember: I'm a therapist, but I'm not your therapist. This podcast and any of my online resources are for educational purposes only. Never use the hypnosis tracks or exercises if you're operating machinery, driving, or if you have epilepsy or psychiatric conditions. Always consult a healthcare provider if you're unsure. Find Us on Other Platforms Catch the podcast on Spotify, Castbox, iHeart Radio, YouTube, or on our Libsyn page. Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨ Music Credits Music by Wataboi, DreamHeaven, ccjmusic, and others from Pixabay. And the transcript WARNING if you're a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry - you have been warned - is it an 'ism Part two of Unshakable You, rebuilding low self-esteem He my friends. So this is part two. Part two of unshakable you, the rebuilding, rekindling of low self esteem. And we're gonna go into the things that are really gonna get you to find that self esteem again, to rekindle it, to f the flame and to be the you you really mean to be. I meant to be, deserve to be. So have a good listen, get your paper and pen out because there'll be stuff to do, stuff to think about, and hopefully. No, no, hopefully it'll make such a difference to you. Enjoy. Let's get back into it now. A little bit of the how now. So it's all about rebuilding. I've initially I made the note, let's start building unshakeable self esteem. But it's all about rebuilding. And I've got another longer podcast to do that as well about building unshakable confidence. And self esteem. And confidence seem to come together. I want to deal with self esteem, not the confidence bit But here's the thing. I want to deal with self esteem, not the confidence bit, because that comes next. First of all, I want you to feel so good about yourself and, going, on from that little tip I had about that self talk. Would you talk about this to your. Like this to your best friend? Here's the thing you can do. And I thought I heard about it and it was so good. And it's like having compassion for yourself, not bloody empathy, because empathy is feeling the feelings of somebody else and you're feeling those feelings anyway. Why the did you want to feel them again? If you notice, and when you notice you're doing something which is one of those pitfalls, I want you to stop and, not think, well, how would I talk to my best friend? I want you to actually talk to yourself as if it was your best friend. Sometimes it's a matter of just stepping one step to the side. Change your position, your physical position, and look in that place where you were standing and go, hey, we can do this. This is what I advise you to do. I'm your best friend. And it's a great. We call them pattern interrupts. You hear me talk about that so much. Getting out of that mindset very quickly. Just like that, step to the side, look at yourself, and then guide yourself as if you were talking to your best friend. Hey, is that the really way you want to speak about yourselfus? You're more Than that. Think about those times in the past. What do you want to do? How can we do this? Let me give you some advice from a best friend. What's the first smallest step we could do? Yeah, Change your physiology. Why don't you breathe a bit? Ah, that's it. Get that breath going. Let's start looking at life differently. That's how you'd speak to a best friend. So literally out loud, speak to your best friend. You with compassion. And that works it really. I heard about this and I thought how stupidly simple that is and how brilliant it is. And when to say stupidly. It's just stupidly in the way that that's how most people would see it. But it's not. It's so simple. And in simple. Say again? In simplicity there's genius. And it makes so much sense because you're talking to yourself anyway. Said don'm be embarrassed. And talking to yourself out loud, you'do it on the inside, buddy, do it on the outside. So instead of thinking what would I say to a friend? Bloody say it to yourself. Step aside and give yourself some compassion. That's what we want to do. That's one thing. What are your values? Explore your values. Sit down for 5 minutes and write them down Now one of the other things, And I think this is a great place to start. That was a. That was like an add on from the other one. So that's where you've gotta catch yourself. But here's the thing. Starting from the beginning of a thought. What are your values? Whooo. Paul. Where did that come from? What are your values? Explore your values. Because you've forgotten them. They're over there because you've put that like fog, that misty thing you've been looking through and you've forgotten the true values that you have. I think I know I did. And I really had to look at mine. What are my values of me? And I went through quite a lot but. And basically you just throw out what's important to you in life and then you just say to yourself on that list of, on a page of paper, you write them all down. If I can only have one, what would be the only one I'd had if I couldn't have any of the others? What was the most important one? And it jumps out of you. So it's not the first one that comes to mind, it's when you've got them all out. Cause sometimes when you think about your values, the first ones come to mind are the ones you've always thought about. But when you just keep pushing yourself a little Bit further. Your unconscious mind comes up with your values, and you look at that and you go, ah, that's the one. If I could only have that in my life. No more. That's one I'd live by. And you write that down in big, wonderful letters. Then you look at the back of your list again. I think I've done a podcast on values again. Search. Search in the podcast. I think I'd, do it on my. On the website. Personal development Unplugged. I think there's a search button M there. And there's also. I know on Castbox, the orange one. There's a search button there. I'm sure if you put values, you'll notice I've done a values thing there. But you could do that. What's the next thing? If we could only have one more out of that. What's left? And you write that down and then you go, I really want three. And there's a few left. What is. If I could only have one more, none of the rest, one more, what would it be? So you get your top three, and you look at those three. I've now got them in order of sorts. And what were mine? I'll tell you what min are. truth, honesty. And I've noticed now that my values have changed because kindness comes into it now. And when I look back, Was there being truthful about myself? No, I bloody wasn't. Was I being honest with myself? No, I bloody wasn't. Was I being kind to myself? Well, I was trying to be. By hiding. That was a positive intention. I don't want to have this feeling anymore. So I felt like I was a waste of space. I couldn't handle it. Who, am I now not supporting my family? I wasn't kind, was it? Because it was certainly untrue, but it wasn't honest. And because of those, now I know those. And they've been with me since then. And it was a long time ago until I brought these out. And they're still true to me now, you know, if people aren't truthful, honest and, kind, I don't really want to know them that much. I'll keep them at distance. But if you come to me with being an honest person, a truthful person and a kind person, you are my friend. That's me. What are yours? Find them. Sit down for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, however long it bloody takes. Get yourself into a lovely, curious state. Think of times when you've been curious, when you've looked for something and found it get that feeling and then start to go, wow, what are my values in life? What's really important to me? And do that little exercise, write out at least seven or eight and then look for the top three and then you look where you can be those values. So I look at kindness and I look for areas of where either I've been kind or I've noticed kindness or people have been kind to me and I celebrate them. Now first off, you have to go into the past because we haven't really started this exercise in the moment. So you look in the past when one of people been kind to me now, Mickey B. Was so bloody kind to me, he wouldn't say no. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He was going to drag me there, he was going to do whatever it took. How kind was that too to do that for a mate? Thought it was a work colleague, but so much more than that, where else? And as you start to do that, you start to pick up one and then you think of another, they start to flood. Self esteem is about rekindling your self esteem Write the buggers down because you can always come back to them then. And you can feel that kindness even more because when you feel it, you're feeling the feelings of your own true values. For me anyway, there s kindness. It's a lovely value to have. Of course I believe that truthfully and honestly. But then I just look for these things and write them down and then the good stuff comes in because I have another little field book where in the moment, if I notice s an area of kindness, I'll write it down there and then. And if I don't, at the end of the day or at lunchtime or whenever I sit down for me cup of coffee, I sit down and think where did I notice kindness this morning, this afternoon or today? And I'll do that. and what happens is you're changing your filters. You're seeing things in the world that match your highest values. And do you know that makes you feel fucking awesome? It really does. And we've done nothing about building self esteem. This is all about s like I've called it rebuilding, but I'm thinking now the word should be rekindling your self esteem. We just start that little f getting the heat, getting the warmth of ourselves. And I so do it in your fieldbook. I call it a field but a little notebook you can piece of paper. I don't give a shit really on something. You gonna do it on the phone, put it on paper later. But notice the things that first of all I think match your values and then just look out for things that are wonderful in the world. Wonderful in the world that you have done as well. What did I do that was good today? What did I do to stretch myself today? And the more you ask his questions and the more you see the things in the day that you've done that Cause you would have done it, you just haven't noticed it before because your filters were, didn't have that bit in. You're changing the filters your perception and you start to see other areas of the world. It's called the reticulating activating system. Once you change that focus, you start to see everything. It's like, oh, I've heard this word, oh, what a wonderful word. Then you hear it everywhere. Oh, I'm thinking about buying this car. Such an unusual car. It's a lovely car. Then you see, you're driving along and you see them every bloody where. Reticulating activating system. It's hardwired in your neurology. This is what happens. So you let's use it. It's a natural phenomenon which I love. It's biological as well. So it's not woo woo lala, but it's also like the law of attraction if you like the woo woo laa. You know, once you start looking for things, guess what? You find them. You know, there's that old saying, I love this little saying. When you look at things differently, the things you see are different and you see the things that are so different. And what happens is the things that you used to see that used to spark off that negativity, they're still there in the world but you don't notice them anymore because you've changed your filter, change your perception and you start projecting this stuff. And the more you project perception and projection must do a longer one on that one as well. But the more you project this wonderful thing, the more you see, the more you perceive. And it's wonderful and you start to feel that little bit better. And then what you do is because you're rekindling this self esteem you can start to be, well I'm gonna start to do some stuff now. And you think of yourself, well I'm just gonna set a small goal, just a small step. I've got a goal, it's quite a big goal. But I'm gonna think about just one small stepuse again. I don't wa wantn get embarrassed. I wanna bugger it up. I don'tnna fail. But I can't fail if I do this small step, especially when I hold that wonderful feeling and I hold myself to my true values and I Can I do this really well? I don't know. Now that's not the truth, Pool. You know you can do this if you set about you the right way and to set about those goals the right way. The next thing, What? It's not the next thing. These all come together, by the way. You've got to give yourself some self care. You really have. And what'self care? It's like physical. Give yourself some physical time, go for a bloody walk, get some fresh air, see the world. And with those filters changing, you'll see wonderful things. You'll see that acts of kindness, you'll see this. You'll be able to start being compassionate. More. More compassionate. Not be compassionate. You'll be more compassionate. You know, if this means going to the gym, stretching yourself, getting that lovely ache, it's not hurt, it's just that little ache to go o. I've got this, I'm doing this. I push myself a little bit today and I feel good. I feel that nice tired and I'm getting better each time. Oh, that's a bit like self esteem, isn't it? And they might just sit down and read for a little while, but you read something inspiring, uplifting. Maybe you say, I'm gonna put 20 minutes aside to be creative. And what is creative? Is it making stuff? I don't know, is it writing stuff? I don't know. Is it drawing stuff? I don't know. It's whatever you think is creative. If you want to look out the window and you just imagine wonderful things, what you could do that's creative. As long as you write the bugger down, start working on it. Maybe your journal just give yourself a little bit of time, a little bit of space in the day to get stuff on paper. And sometimes you can journal in a way that you just dump, dump this stuff out your brain. Cause once it's out on the paper, you can close the book and it's done. Or maybe you journal with questions. I wonder what my goal is. Mind mapping and journaling for me gives me new insights What's my intention? What will doing this allow me to do? How will I feel? How do I need to feel before I start? So you might have two channels, one to dump. You can have as many journals as, as you like. Really? On different things. You could have my creative side. Just give me things I wanna just enjoy imagining. And then there's a doing a goal setting type journal. There's so Many you could do. But it's just giving yourself time. You might want to mind maps. Mind mapping and journaling for me gives me new insights. And you don't have to be a writer to do that because you just draw little pictures if you wanted to, little bullet points. And doing all of this is rekindling, rebuilding that ah, self esteem that you have. It's unshakable. So you giving yourself some time, you're being compassionate to yourself, talking to yourself, being kind, looking at your values, create small goals, making a note of wonderful things that happen. Cluy calls it perceived criticism and it can come from other people And then we have this weird thing and it's again, it's about perception. You know, when we maybe we get, I call it perceived criticism. And that could be from our head, not necessarily from other people, but it can be from other people. You got to review it. Don't take a front or back or anything else. Don't say, oh, there you go, that proves it. No, hang on a minute. Let's review this bloody thing. What I'm saying to myself may be, how, true is it? Where are the facts about this? Oh, you can't do that. Who said so? Where are the facts that saying, I can't do this because I don't believe myself. Well, where did you get that belief from? Cluy. Well, I think I made it up. Yeah, bloody right you made it, up. There's no facts there. What in the past have you been able to achieve? Well, actually you were really good at work and now you just lost it a little bit. You just got to get it back again. Get on that horse. Oh yeah, a bit of compassion, bit of, bit of guidance. But like Mickey B. Get on that H.L. cluffy, we're going. So you got to look at facts. Got it. Looking at the data. So whatever you're talking about yourself, if it's criticism, look for the facts. Write that criticism downus. Once you write it down, you look at it and go, what load of old bullshit that was. Why on earth did I say that to myself? It's so wrong. Where did it come from asking that really good questions or those really good questions, but not just ask them. Yes, they'll go inside, but take five minutes to think about the answers. Because once you, if you're truthful, honest and kind to yourself, you'll find those answers. You can pinch those values, by the way, they're free now. The thing is, you also get, you do get criticism from others, don't you? Sometimes, Just occasionally, you know, the naysayers because you start to build yourself up, you're rekindling this self esteem and you might get people go, I wouldn't do that, No, I wouldn't do that. That's not the right thing for you or whatever that type of criticism is. Well, to me it's just like poison. And if you don't take the poison, where does it stay? Stays with that person. It's like the Buddha smiling at someone who keeps shouting at them all the time and days and days, keeps shouting at him and keeps smiling back, shouting him. And then the guy goes, I don't get it, I don't get it. I've been here for days and days and days, shouting at you all the time, getting really, really angry at you. Come shouting my anger at you. And the Buddha saying, well, whose anger is it? I didn't take it, I haven't got it, I don't want it, I'm not gonna have it. Don't accept it, I'm gonna keep smiling. And the guy goes, ah, shit'smiling. And I gotta get rid of it. Well, that's. Was it true? Who knows? I don't care. It's a lovely story, lovely metaphor. Because if you think about it, I see it as poison. It's a glass of poison. They're trying to let you drink. But the thing is, if you look at the facts, would you take advice from that person anyway on the thing that you want to do? Because they've never dullied. Where do they get their opinion from? And sometimes their opinion is, I don't want you to do it because I'm not doing it. Called Tall Poppy syndrome. Cutting the head off the tall poppy because it's moving on, moving on towards the light or moving into delight. It's a lovely saying. Moving into delight. See, the only people you take advice from are, the people you ask for advice. Hey, can you give me some advice about that? Because, I know you've done it before. Well, maybe I need a second opinion. I just wantn voice out loud. Things I'm thinking about. Maybe you'll see something in it. My son does that to me quite a lot. He says, I know you don't know the answer, dad, but I just wanna speak out loud cause it helps me. And if you see anything, I know you're gonna tell me. There you go. So if you've got other people saying things or saying things to yourself, look at the data, see it as a little bit of poison and leave it in the jar over there with them and just say to yourself would I accept this from that advice from them? And if you wouldn't accept that advice, why would do you accept that criticism? You wouldn't. Cause they don't know anything about it. And the real thing I think that really, I think it'said so many times, but it's so true is when you've got a little bit of low self esteem, come back to the act of gratitude. What could you be grateful for? What are you see? What can you be grateful for? Because you can say to yourself, well I got lo of self esteem so I'm not grateful for anything at the moment. What could you be grateful for in the past? But okay, what could you be grateful for in the past? What are you grateful in the past? You. I Mickey B. What a wonderful person. And there are other people like that in my life that when I think about it, ah yes they were. Oh, I remember Phil now. He would never let me off a question. If a a wonderful friend of mine from my early days of nlp, he would ask me a question and I'd fudge it and he'd go n down apple. You got to answer the question because you know by you're fudging it because you know the answer is hard but you need to know him. And I'd sit there and I'd be honest. See there's honesty and truthful come. But he was very kind to me. So it all comes round in circles, is't it? And that would really help me grow. The act of gratitude can boost your self esteem and change the world So who can you be grateful for in your life? From the past we've talked about the thing about my qualities I was ve talking about on a number of longer podcasts over the last few weeks. But what qualities do you have? And be grateful for them. Not the ones you're missing now ca because you're gonna get there back. But once you realise you've got those qualities, they didn't go away, did they? They're not lost. You just have to start doing them again, using them again. And when you put it all together, we're m on this journey of self worth because we're all on this journey. We're all on this journey to make things better for everybody, I think, you know. But we've got to be in a good place ourselves. I've seen so many people give so much to other people and forget themselves and then they don't have the energy to carry on. Now you've gotta look after yourself. Rekindle that self worth, access that self worth and then spread it to change the world. You know, if it's good for you, good for others, and good for little old planet Earth, that is a good thing. But it's got to be good for all three. Not just good for other people in the world. It's got to be good for you too. And then you can be grateful for that too. So the act of gratitude, although it's spread everywhere far and wide and people jump on the back of it, it just works. It really does. The act of gratitude. And again, write them down. Then you can again, it's like opening up our focus of attention, taking away that veil, getting that perception, perceiving things that you could be grateful for. And that just feels good. Cause once you are, feeling so grateful to be in the world, your self esteem will start to blossom. It will start to fire, to glow and grow. there you go. I think I've done enough for this Longer podcast. Hope you enjoyed it Well, I was going to try to finish on a quote, but I couldn't think of any. But I think I've done enough. I think I've done enough for this Longer podcast. I hope you enjoyed it. I've really gone, round in circles, but I hope I've gone in the right circle or the right sort of circles and pulled them all together. You know, what have we done? We've looked at what is self esteem and what is low self esteem. What are the pitfalls? How do we get through those pitfalls? We've talked about the how of rekindling, rekindling what's already there. And we've talked about that perception to criticism because it is only a perception. It's perceived, it ain't true. And then we've finished off with Gratitude. That's, I think, what we did. I think that's what we did. Hope you enjoyed it. I'd like to think, I like to think that you would, you know, you'd share this, share this with as many people as you could. That would be kind. If m. You can tell them about the podcast, that would be even better. Get them to subscribe. Because you've subscribed obviously you, you, you followed and subscribed on that social media bit, have you? If you could do that, that'be good. So share and subscribe and things like that. And if you want to catch me on social media, I'm around various bits, on, I do little things on TikTok and Instagram and stuff like that. I'm on Facebook. Things can find me out. But better still, I'd love to hear how you've changed and what help you need, if you do need any help, to continue that wonderful life of change that we're here for, to grow and grow, grow and glow. So I'd love to hear from you [email protected]. that's my email address. And if you want to have a flick around paulcloughonline.com I've got some programs there. But I've also got that free, free hypnosis tracks. Nearly 70 of them now. So, all there for you. And they're complimentary. They're with G. To you, with my love. Okay, until the next time. A friend, it is really time to fly. Why have I put hypnosis tracks on a separate website So the 90 seconds of hypnosis tracks. Why have I put hypnosis tracks on a separate website? Well, it's so simple, really. I wanted you to have them all in one place so you can look through them all. You can find the particular one you want. I've even made them downloadable so you can put them on any of your playing devices that you prefer. You don't need WI fi, you don't need the itunooes or whatever. You can put them anywhere you like. You can even burn them onto disk if you want. Where do you get them? Well, there you go. I told you, it's porcluonline.com podcast. If you're worried about your email address, please don't be, because they stay totally safe with me. I only use them to send you out that email and give you access. Simple as that. I'll send you a link, special link, so you and only you can access those hypnosis tracks. Because I want them just for you. And the other thing about this is you've taken responsibility. I don't want to make these open to everyone, just random. You have taken responsibility to listen and be part of this community of personal development. And I want to help you. I want to help you personally to get your dreams, your goals. And therefore I'm, giving you these tool tools, these protocols, these paradigms, whatever you want to call them, but in deep hypnosis. So just enjoy, have more fun than you can stand. With hypnosis. 1, you are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough With hypnosis. 1, you are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough. It's time to fly on your own. Be brave, my friend. Personal development unplugged. Personal development [self improvement] [self development] [NLP] [Hypnosis]