Not getting what you want & Anxious Attachment
episode
Anxious Attachment Solution: Taking Back Her Brain with Love Life Coach Amber Lynn
21 min
4 chapters
transcribed 1 month ago
Transcript
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Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
What is the core message about entitlement and anxious attachment?
Welcome to the Anxious Attachment Solution. I am your host, Life Coach Amberlynn. I teach women how to take back their brain from anxious attachment patterns with love and compassion. It is my mission to help every anxiously attached woman understand their brain, stop the anxious cycle, and finally feel confident and secure in who they are, so they can live the life they want. I'm so glad you're here with me today. Hey there, and welcome to the Anxious Attachment Solution. I am your host, Life Coach Amberlynn. And today I want to talk a little bit about. entitlement and anxious attachment. So, according to Google, entitlement means the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges, of special treatment.
However, in this episode, I'm going to be referring to entitlement as the result that we think we should have because we took certain action. What we believe should have given us what we want. We have a lot of these thoughts when it comes to friendships, relationships, parenting, or even our goals that we're working on. We believe if we do this, then this should happen. And then life shows us what really happens. For example, I will wake up early on school days, make my daughter her favorite breakfast, have her show set up, and hold her for 10 minutes, because research shows. that if I give her ten minutes in the morning before anything else, it fills her cup up. Then she should be happy. She should have a calm morning with no outbursts, because I controlled the environment, right?
I controlled the elements of this experience. I created optimal conditions. And yet She still has a meltdown. She still got upset. She still threw a temper tantrum because her sock didn't fit. It had bumpies. I said no to bringing Toy to school or something else. But my brain gets upset and wants to tell me I don't deserve this because I did XYZ. And because I did what I was supposed to do. She should act a certain way. I did everything to set up our morning for success. So it should be easy and it should be successful, creating so much stress and shame or guilt when it doesn't go as planned in my body and brain. Which affects how I show up because now I have all these disempowering thoughts affecting how I'm showing up for her.
during her meltdown. When things don't go the way my brain perfectly predicted it would, I get frustrated, and upset, and impatient. I don't show up as the mom I want to be because my inner mean girl is rampaging on me, telling me nothing is going my way and I can't handle it and I didn't. Do it right. Or I did all of this for nothing. Now I can see as it happens. I can tell myself that I have to regulate, talk back to my brain, supervise these thoughts, and remind myself that I can handle this. I can control my emotions. I'm actually not entitled to her having a good morning.
How does Amberlynn define entitlement in the context of anxious attachment?
It's really hard to say that, and it's even harder to um, you know, accept it. I'm not entitled to easy mornings. I can do everything right, in air quotes, and she is still a human with human reactions and I don't have to make it mean I'm doing anything wrong or that she is rude or disrespectful or that she isn't thankful for what I did for her. Her human emotions are separate from my actions and her big emotions. Are not tied to what I do or I didn't do. They are related to her having an active amygdala and her own emotions, with her own thoughts. So I'm not entitled to any result that I thought I would have just because I took certain action. It is so hard for an anxious attached person who tries to be a perfectionist and plans everything out, takes over responsibility for other people and their lived experience to accept reality.
And this is the reality. The reality is is that I am not entitled to any result. Another example was a few weeks ago. I came home and I made dinner four days of the week. trying to help my wife because she normally cooks dinner, but right now she's taking five classes, full full school load, working full time, and joined a special team at work so that they can do projects.
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
What is the core message about entitlement and anxious attachment?
0:00–3:26
2
How does Amberlynn define entitlement in the context of anxious attachment?
3:26–6:45
3
Why does the morning routine with her daughter illustrate entitlement thinking?
6:45–12:35
4
What realization does she share about not being entitled to a calm morning?
12:35–21:26