Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and then I give you my unprofessional advice, and then you take it with a grain of salt. And today's topic is finding comfort within yourself. Listen, I know it can be tempting to find comfort in other people, in distractions.
But here's the problem with that. It's inconsistent. It's unreliable. What's more plentiful than something that's coming from within, something that you're creating, something that you have maximum control over? That's why I think we all want to find comfort within ourselves, but it's challenging. It takes work.
It's much easier to rely on something else because there's no creation going on there. You know, you don't have to create anything. from within. You don't have to do any of the dirty work if you're just finding it out in the world. Before I start going down a rabbit hole that even I can't follow because I'm already feeling myself doing that right now, let's just get into this episode.
I briefly interrupt this episode to let you know that this episode is presented by Volkswagen. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I love to be a
Chapter 2: How can I find comfort within myself instead of relying on others?
Wind in my hair, listening to music. There was something magical and carefree about it. But once I got my driver's license, I've loved being in the driver's seat ever since. Not just in the car, but in my life as well. This is from me, from Volkswagen, and all the other drivers out there. Do it. Grab the wheel. Get in the driver's seat of life. Visit VW.com to learn more.
Now back to the episode. Let's begin. Somebody said, how to find confidence doing things alone in public? I love my alone time when I'm at home, but I feel a little awkward doing things alone when I'm in public. Any tips? Well, I want to start by saying I shockingly can relate to this a little bit right now. And this is shocking to those who know me because I am an only child.
I am wired to be alone. I've spent so much time alone in my life. It comes very naturally to me. And I've always been someone who felt really comfortable doing things alone. since I was a teenager, going and getting a coffee, going thrift shopping, doing whatever. It's never been embarrassing for me. Overall, I would say I'm someone who's pretty comfortable with doing things alone.
However, recently, I've been kind of overthinking it. And I know why. It's because I just got out of a two-year relationship. And this two-year relationship was very bestie vibes. Like me and my boyfriend hung out all the time, which I didn't have in the relationship prior. So I still was doing a lot of stuff alone. In my last relationship, I like did everything with him.
Like we were inseparable besties vibes and it was very fun, but it kind of weakened the muscle. And so since the breakup, I've been feeling a bit less comfortable with doing stuff alone. I don't think that's a bad thing. I mean, listen, I could psychoanalyze my past relationship and say, I should have been doing more things alone while we were together. But we were having fun.
So I'm not going to say that. This is just sometimes the way things happen. That muscle got weakened because I was constantly doing things with him. And now... I'm back to doing things alone. The weekend rolls around. If all my friends are busy and I want to go do something fun, I'm going to go do it alone. And there have been a few instances lately where I've been genuinely nervous.
And it shocks me every time because it's just so unlike me. And so I have been actively working on dealing with those slightly anxious feelings about doing things alone. So this is a very... This is the perfect time for this question to come up because this is something I've been dealing with lately.
The first thing I do to help myself with this is remind myself of the reality of the situation, okay? People aren't paying that close of attention to me. They're really not. An exercise that I do is I think of how I perceive other people doing activities alone.
When I'm at a cafe, when I'm at a thrift store and I notice that somebody's shopping alone, getting a coffee alone, do I even think twice about it? No, I don't. Do me a favor next time you're doing something alone and you start to feel anxious, like people are judging you for doing things alone.
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Chapter 3: What strategies can help me feel confident doing things alone in public?
The more you do it, the more you go out and do your own thing, the sooner you'll get comfortable with it and it'll just become second nature to you. Trust the process. Believe that that comfort will come. You will one day not feel uncomfortable about it anymore. I can almost guarantee you that. I really believe that. That's what's happening to me.
Like the first few times post-breakup that I went to a flea market, I went to a coffee shop by myself, I felt naked. I was like, oh my God, this is so weird. Like I feel, I think that there was an added layer of vulnerability because in my subconscious, I was like, I'm single. Like my identity failed.
feels different now because I'm an independent woman right now in a way that, you know, feels really real and really serious. Whereas let's say I would like go to a coffee shop alone while I was in a relationship. I was like, Well, I don't care what anyone thinks of me because I have a boyfriend and I have great friends and I don't really care.
But see, now that I'm going out as a single woman, I'm like more aware of what say guys are thinking about me. I'm like, do I seem like pathetic?
here alone or like boys judging me or do they find me to be demure and they like you know want to ask for my number like I think that's actually where the discomfort has stemmed from for me post breakup but as I'm repeating the action going out and doing shit alone anyway I'm slowly but surely feeling myself fall back into the swing of it and it's becoming like second nature again and
I will say, if you're finding a hard time motivating yourself to go out and do things alone, let this story motivate you, okay? I, a few weekends ago, wanted to go out and do something, but all my friends were out of town. I kid you not, every single friend. And I was like, I could go out and hang out around town, shop around, get a coffee.
I could do that, but it's so much easier to just stay home and I don't know, maybe I could get some work done or something. But I was like, but I'm too tired to get work done. And it's the weekend and it's such a beautiful day out. Like I probably should go out and do something. But I was like, I feel kind of, I don't know. I didn't feel super confident that day.
I was feeling kind of down in the dumps. I was like, I don't know. I don't know if I need to like go out like and do stuff alone. It's not going to be as fun. Like I wish my friends were in town. I just had like a negative mindset. But I decided to push myself and go out anyway and just hang out. And I went and got a coffee. That was nice. A little bit embarrassing for me for some reason.
I was really feeling embarrassed on this particular day. Well, I think the reason why I felt embarrassed getting the coffee was because I felt like I was not there getting the coffee because I really wanted a coffee. I just was bored and kind of wanted something to do. And I was too lazy to do anything productive, but I wanted to do something.
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