Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it's a good to be naughty after just a big old piece of junk. Ho, ho, ho. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day, Christmas Day here at Aunt Tootie's. Uh-huh.
She unfortunately had a little too much Christmas cheer last night, so we gave her a liquid IV and a Midol. She's going to be sleeping until about dinner time. Okay. So by the time the Beef Wellington's done, she'll be out. Okay. Make sure you get that Beef Wellington, by the way. I got you.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table, our very own Santa Claus around here, the international businessman himself, new dad, tippy of the year, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
What up, gang? Shout out to you, as always. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for a wonderful year, by the way. Happy holidays to everybody. Can't thank all the bozos and the homies. Enough. Really taking the legs out for my thank you. Sorry. Guy who could have thanked him but didn't. I thank him. He cut me out. Classic H. Foley. Wouldn't want it any other way than... Buck means back. Um...
Please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available over there on Spotify, baby. Middle of the charts. Middle of the charts. How you doing? It's cool. Season's greetings. And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Slash all your garbage. Go over there and get all that holiday cheer. That's right.
And it wouldn't be a family Christmas episode if we didn't take a little stop by the corner office who's doubled up in occupancy. We got our good pal, new guy, Luke, and Mr. Ryan Diesel, head of operations.
Hey, gang.
Hey, boys.
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Chapter 2: What humorous anecdotes are shared about Christmas gifts?
Goddamn explosive restrictions.
Good AYG question would be when you walk into Home Depot, do you walk through the main door or do you walk through the gardening section? That's funny.
No way.
I always walk through there. Grab a little fertilizer. Pop them in. Styrofoam in there. Never got that. Is that what that is?
No. The white stuff? I don't think so. I always thought it was Folgers Crystals.
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Chapter 3: How do the hosts reflect on their past Christmas episodes?
Were Folgers crystals white? Yeah. I've never seen them. Really? That had aged out by the time we, you know. That was 80s shit. I'm a 90s guy. Those cancer lawsuits came quick. Sure. Settlements swept it under the rug. Keep it moving. Christmas came early for a couple of guys. All right, so let's get into it. I want to do Diesel first. Let's do the Ds.
Diesel, come on over. So you had Home Depot. I bought all my gifts at Home Depot. Luke, classy guy that he is, has Nordstrom, which if you don't know Nordstrom, it's like a nicer Bloomingdale's or whatever. Macy's, maybe on the same par.
It's a little high. I think it's higher than Macy's lower than Bloomy's. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I didn't go to a Bloomingdale's until I was in my 20s. I don't know. I don't know enough about them. It's nice. A higher end. Right. Classy guy. Higher end department store. Department store.
And Diesel, you had what? Tony DiDinopoli, the family style Italian restaurant on 61st Street?
William Sonoma.
Whoa. I know him. Very nice. I know his brother, Steven. Gary Sonoma.
Okay, so Diesel, come on over. And I got Toys R Us. And I'm sorry, Big Man had Toys R Us. Big Man got everybody toys. Some that represent themselves. You know what I mean?
When I was in Toys R Us, which I went to Macy's in Herald Square, I was getting wrapped. And she goes, how old are they? I'm like, how old's who? He's like, the toys. For my bald, fat friends. We do a podcast. These are all for grown men. Deez, give me a high five. Merry Christmas, pal. Merry Christmas, boys. First of all, thank you for a fantastic year.
And also, you don't get an on-camera appearance fee, by the way. Everybody got their Christmas bonuses. That's how you know we're doing well. It went in a wire. I didn't have to take out cash this year. Yeah. That's how you know things are changing. Yeah, it was pretty good. So how do you want to do it? Do you want him to give his first? Whatever you want to do. I'm down for whatever.
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Chapter 4: What unique gifts are revealed during the episode?
Seasoned olive oil.
Herb pizza oil. Extra virgin. Just like Henry. Brighten up your pizzas with a drizzle of our savory oil enhanced with garlic, Italian herbs, and a hint of red chilies. Holy shit. Very nice. Already open. And a little mustache hair. That's lovely, Diesel. Very nice. Get good, buddy. I assume this is a nice jar of sauce. Oh, boy. I would assume. Correct. There you go.
Very nice pizza sauce makes three 12-inch pizzas. I like a nice saucy bitch, so this might go over two zahs.
Big Joe Gambino's pasta sauce.
A product of Italy. They're charging more for this. Sure. That's very nice. Thank you very much, Ryan. That's lovely, Deez. Now you do the big man.
Sure. Now big man. Hey, let me take a swig of this drink before I backhand someone. What do you got, babe?
Now, you're not particularly known for a salad, but if you were, it might be a Caesar.
It'd be lunch meat. You know it would be a Caesar, big guy. I've split many a Caesars with you. Out from prying eyes of these two dickheads.
You two splitting Caesars and getting two Caesars. Sharing a fork. Splitting the Caesar. We do.
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Chapter 5: What heartfelt Christmas gift is shared among the group?
Give me a hug.
Come here.
My stepson. You need some money for school? Can I have some money for school? I'm coming to see you.
Oh, look at that. Okay. Listen, best Christmas yet. Now, who's left?
Chapter 6: How do the hosts react to the gifts and their significance?
Just me and you. All right. I got two for you, technically. I pulled the H Foley. I went up. Yeah, I got three for him. Thank you. The one still in the other room. I hope you can drive stick. 1983 Chevy Spectrum. Needs a little body work. Okay. Yeah. You want to go first? I'll go first.
This one is for the little Bambino, the little Kip Arena. This is from all of us. This is from me and the boys.
Very nice.
Just a little Christmas present.
Chapter 7: What humorous stories about Christmas traditions are shared?
I think I got the sizes. I got it at DXL.
How long you been writing that one?
About 25 minutes.
Very nice.
All right. I have the receipt, too, just in case the one thing. Oh, yeah. Throat slitter. Just in case the one thing doesn't fit. Okay. I do want a picture with him in the outfit at a certain point whenever he gets into it.
He's not doing pictures at the moment.
No?
No press.
Got to keep it fly over there. Very nice. Now, that's for a one-year-old.
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Chapter 8: What unique Christmas experiences do the hosts recount?
A set of Timbos.
A set of Timbos. A nice fresh set of butters. Yeah. I was looking for sunglasses, but I couldn't find them.
Look at that.
Now, there are fives. His foot's not that big, right?
No, I don't think he's in shoes yet.
How big is his feet?
About 13. What's Shaq? No. I don't know. That's crazy big. He's not in shoes. Yeah.
His foot's not that big. So he might have to save them for a year.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're going to have to. I don't think. I don't know, but he's.
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