Are You Rubbish? w/ Ari Shaffir!

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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast 1h 7m 5 speakers 8 chapters transcribed 3 months ago
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What is discussed at the start of this section?

Gang, Tootie's got a limited 4th of July drop coming at ya.
Kevin Ryan 0:03
Mm-hmm.
We got some nice t-shirts. Show up to the barbecue looking fresh, clean, and patriotic.
Kevin Ryan 0:09
Yeah, don't be a bozo. Available at rugarbage.com while supplies last. Happy 4th of July.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is All You Rubbish. Hello. Well, so it is then. It's a show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they turned out to be classy.
Ari Shaffir 0:26
That's all we got. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.

How does the podcast introduce the guest?

Isn't it? I'm your host, Dave Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in the new edition. She's upstairs. She got the lanterns ready. All right? One if by sea, two if by Toyota minivan. That was a Hasidic joke. That's America. Mike Coates is coming to you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? Bit of an international businessman, but born right here in America. Stands up for the stars and stripes. Give it up for KJ and Kevin James Ryan.
Kevin Ryan 1:02
I feel like I'm going to be doing a lot of heavy lifting. What's up, gang? Shout out to you. As always, thanks for tuning in. Please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available on Spotify. Now, boys are climbing the frigging charts over there. And obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Slash, are you garbage? Join that like a goddamn patriot. That's right. Not a fucking Benedict Cumberbatch.
Gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly, special guest back with us again today. It's his last time before he heads overseas, starts kissing the crown over there.
Kevin Ryan 1:40
Bit of a fucking turncoat. All right. USA all the way.
On the goddamn centennial, too, by the way.
Kevin Ryan 1:46
I know.
Coming up on Fourth of July. I'm a goddamn 76, baby. I don't like this shit. Give it up. Ferrari. Schaefer, everybody.
Ari Shaffir 1:55
Thank you.
Are you changing your name to REO Schaefer or something like that?
Ari Shaffir 1:58
Yeah, it might be. Kaleidoscope Schaefer. Kaleidoscope Schaefer. Cheerio, boys. Cheerio indeed. Hello, gentlemen. What's up? What is that? Oh, the lift was so slow today to get up here. Ari's off to London, man. He's moving over to jolly old England. I'm leaving. Every time I leave, I come do your guys'.
Kevin Ryan 2:17
Yes.
Ari Shaffir 2:18
We love it.
Kevin Ryan 2:19
This one, listen, you go travel. I'm going to fucking wherever. I'm going to Istanbul, East Japip, whatever. That's fine. That's fine. Moving to fucking. Jesus. Moving to the fucking enemy territory is crazy. Yeah. That's like, that is some fucking. I'm pretty nervous. I hope you don't wear that over there.
Ari Shaffir 2:40
You're going to stick out like a sore thumb. I'm just going to wear this everywhere at bars. I'm like, is this not? I'm going to use all their slang immediately.
Starts wearing a chain with a crucifix on it.
Ari Shaffir 2:48
Starts going to mass.
Lights on Friday. This is awesome.
H. Foley 2:55
I'm sorry.
I was going to say, buddy, we're going to miss you, and we fucking love you. I was trying not to. I was getting a little emotional when we were hanging out before. I'll be honest with you. Of course, I'm going through it these days. I'm still going to miss this.
Ari Shaffir 3:04
Yeah, that's going to be the hardest part, I think, is all my friends. Sorry, that wasn't funny.
Kevin Ryan 3:10
This guy's really adopted the British demeanor already.
Ari Shaffir 3:14
Oh, yeah, I'm doing full British comedy. Let's be not funny for like 35 minutes of it. You're walking into the eagle's nest over there. Fly, eagles, fly. Oh, I got a sparrow. Fly homing pigeon.
Kevin Ryan 3:27
Do you have a football team you're going to root for over there?
Ari Shaffir 3:30
Tottenham, the real Spurs.
Kevin Ryan 3:32
Get Army.
Ari Shaffir 3:34
I was assigned them.
Kevin Ryan 3:35
I feel like you just chat GPT'd England.
Ari Shaffir 3:37
No, I was assigned them. I was in Edinburgh, and they were, like, telling me, like, I was doing some powder with some people. And they were telling me I got to get a football club. And I was like, what? And someone was like, Arsenal. And I was like, okay, Arsenal. The one guy was in the bathroom. He comes back, like, we gave them Arsenal. They go, no, Tottenham. And they were all like, oh, yep, 100% Tottenham.

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