Are You Garbage presents the Queen of Trash Jordan Jensen and of course, Cousin Ian! We're talkin' traveling in pairs, making your own Yogurt and going off the rails quite a bit! You know Ian and Jordan from stand up comedy, Bein' Ian with Jordan, The Adam Friedland Show, Stavvy's World, RIP with Jordan Jensen, Kill Tony, Harland Highway, The Joe Rogan Experience, Your Mom's House, First Date and there specials "Wild Happy & Free" & "30 Minutes with Jordan Jensen! Thanks for watching Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast. Come to a live show! AYG & Friends: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ BlueChew: https://bluechew.com Dollar Shave: Visit https://dollarshaveclub.com/GARBAGE and use promo code GARBAGE for 20% off $20 or more Sheath: https://sheath.com with promo code GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: What is the premise of the podcast?
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? You sure about that? It's that little show where you sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're good to be classy, or they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She's upstairs in a K-hole. Okay. Good for her. That's one of our good friends on Patreon, but I can't remember the name right now. I want to say Clive Oven or Gary O, but I could be wrong. Either way, it was a fucking home run. My co-host is coming at you from a little too close right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage.
He is an international businessman, and I think he's at his wit's end right now.
Give it up for KJ, Kevin James, Ryan, everybody. What's up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, and obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash RU Garbage. Love that money, gang.
Yes, sir. And gang, we could not be more excited to have two incredibly special guests back with us again today. It's the Bugs from Men in Black.
Sugar water.
One is a rising star. One is a rising star on the comedy scene, and the other one is hanging on by a thin thread. What the fuck? You guys guess who's who. Jesus Christ.
Christ, lady.
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Chapter 2: Who are the special guests today?
Yeah, I was.
I wish. Oh, Marla the ugly chick? Yeah. She cracked dingers, though.
Uh-huh. She was a good asset to the team.
So hold on. Yes. Now, when you both say that you have a Patreon card, what does that exactly mean? Your company card.
The company card. I have the company card. Uh-huh. And I used it to buy us dinner. But Jordan also has one. No.
I have it on my phone. Tap tape.
Okay. Yeah, but I have the actual card.
But it comes out of the picture.
So that would be the company paid for dinner. Yeah, so the company paid for dinner.
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Chapter 3: What hilarious traveling stories do they share?
I'm talking homegrown bones, baby. Best part, it's all done on lines. No awkward doctor visits. No weird conversations. No waiting in line at the pharmacy. Comes right to the door. There you go. So Blue Chew wants men to rock hard. That's what they told me. They called me up, said, hey, Kippy, we want every dude bricked up out there. Let's go.
It won't stop until every dude's bricked up like a brick house, until every tent is pitched, until every rod is raised. Discover your options at bluechew.com. And we've got a special offer for our audience. Try Blue Chew for free. Just pay $5 shipping at checkout when you visit bluechew.com. That's bluechew.com to receive your first month for free.
Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank Blue Chew for sponsoring this podcast. I'm hard. Yes, we do. Kip, you like Dollar Shave Club? Who don't like Dollar Shave Club at this point? That's what I want. If you're out there and you don't like Dollar Shave Club, bozo.
I like Dollar Shave Club. Let me tell you why. You got everything in one spot. You can get the razors to clean up down here. Okay, good quality razors. And you get the trimmer to clean up the beard. Not to mention you can do the bushes down there, too, a little bit. Clean up the front yard and the backyard.
Yeah, it's fantastic. They got the Club Series 6 Blade Razor, a shave so comfy your skin will take a nap. Okay, put you down. That's six stainless steel blades for the closest, most comfortable shave with a vitamin E-infused lubricant strip for comfort and glide and precision trimmer for precise handling. They got the Club Series Diamond Grip Handle. Super clean. You need to go away.
Bada-bang, bada-boom. Feels good in your hand. Pattern grip. Designed for comfort and control, baby. Heavy metal handle. They got the Shave Butter, which, whew, let me tell you, slather on a little bit of that. Like a fresh turkey coming out the oven. They got the post-shave dew, hydration without the heavy feeling on it. They got the electric trimmers, the big man said. They got it.
Whatever you need, they got it. They got it. If you're going bald, if you're going scruffy, whatever you want, Dollar Shave Club got you. But don't take our word for it. Try it for yourself. You can visit their site right now for 20% off, $20 or more. Get your products delivered right to your door. Visit dollarshaveclub.com slash garbage. Use the promo code garbage for 20% off, $20 or more.
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I really want to bring my cat on the road. That'd be so fun. You can't do that. That's crazy.
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Chapter 4: What are some funny anecdotes from their childhood?
She's perfect. I don't know if you guys picked up. Ian is significantly jealous of this dog right now.
Well, I would love to take my loved ones on the road.
So do I. I'm never alone. It's really nice. It deals with the codependency thing.
I feel like they both have court-appointed pets at this point. It's like, listen, you guys need something to settle you down.
The vet today was like, you need your dog on a leash. And I was like, but she likes to be naked. And they were like, woman, please.
You don't want to use a leash for the dog? Not at the airport, not at the comedy club, not anywhere.
Are you going to put a leash on your daughter? It's weird, okay? Dude, can I tell you something, and then we're going to move on?
Folks, real quick from Helix. Okay, let me tell you how— Best episode sponsored by BetterHelp, guys.
Okay, let me tell you this because it blew my mind and I was almost crying with pride. Okay, I was in my house. I have severe OCD. I gave my dog the end of the peanut butter jar. I said, I'm going to talk to my managers. You let that out clean. She said, got it. Then I came back. Peanut butter jar was gone. Could not find it anywhere. Triggered my OCD. Had to find it.
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Chapter 5: How do they handle being on the road?
Because they wanted to kill themselves because they were traumatized at a young age. What the fuck? And you're relating this to what? That's like the perfect epitome of the tragedy of my life. As soon as you give a little girl a puppy, you go, here, this one will live. And then he beats it and then it kills itself.
We're talking about college.
Yeah.
I was talking about forging documents to get on a lease.
Because you were like, what's the most dirtbag story?
And I think that perfectly encapsulates it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I needed them to feel a little bit bad for me. I forged the papers, but I had a really hard life.
I respect that. You don't know what it was like, man.
But why did he keep beating them if it didn't work the first five times? Why did he keep bringing them to the road? And then I was like, maybe he just liked that part.
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