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Ian Finance

Appearances

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

112.299

Yeah, please clean this up. She's leaking. She's leaking. Holding on by a thread really got me. Get off the phone, Jordan. I know, I'm looking at my makeup.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1157.985

I really want to bring my cat on the road. That'd be so fun. You can't do that. That's crazy.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1166.795

But I got Glenn to be buds with Samson while I'm on the road. Because Samson would...

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1285.66

I got upset when I was gone. Who's Samson now? My other cat. My roommate. Yeah, my roommate. And so when I come home from the road now, Samson doesn't cry because he's got Glenn, but I want to take him on the road. He's crying when you come home from the road. Have you picked up on that? Because he's upset.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1302.005

No, that he misses me.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1312.549

Daddy's home. I said that last night.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

132.797

Pushing it is crazy. I was yelling at her. I was supporting her.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1327.86

But I don't want to. He's playing a didgeridoo. I don't want to leave one of them alone. The whole reason I got Glenn is to be Samson's buddy.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1349.468

piss in a box because they're polite. They don't piss in public on the floor.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1357.213

She's a year old.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1365.699

Well, I would love to take my loved ones on the road.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1390.056

You don't want to use a leash for the dog? Not at the airport, not at the comedy club, not anywhere.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1446.569

That's cool. That's pretty good.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1457.654

And I was like, that's a good dog.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1481.195

People get mad and she's like, this is your problem.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1516.398

I took it very seriously. I pictured you with a thing in your arm where a hawk lays. Recall! Recall!

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1556.828

Dude, that is like when someone kills someone and then they show up at the scene of the crime. I'm like, wow, that guy does good work. That killer must be hot.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1618.494

Jordan gives it, take it back, touch black, no trade back. She hands him an Uno card.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

165.21

There you go.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

166.63

There you go. That would be cool if it was animated, and then our adult animated selves were in it, too.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1669.693

Isn't it funny? Mine are all color and hers are black and white. That's hilarious. The only time she's ever gotten color was when I was there.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1680.628

Mm-hmm. We're matching tattoos. What are they? Product of New York. They're coffins that say Product of New York. It's a coffin that says Product of New York. It's a logo from a great band, New York hardcore band called Incendiary.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1695.365

Shout out incendiary. I just got this new one for Glenn. You already got a tattoo of him? He's my guy.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1707.068

You don't have to worry about it.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1735.217

I got distracted.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1738.718

Oh, your prescription's about to expire. I saw something that was like discount. I was like, zoinks.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1812.759

Oh, yeah. I wanted to get a coffee commitment at my home group.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1817.263

Boyfriend. Hold on. Hold on. Back up to coffee commitment. You want a what? In recovery meetings, there's different roles, and I want to get the coffee commitment where you show up early to make a coffee.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1832.169

Semolina, focaccia. Do that airplane bit.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1842.471

No, I know focaccia, but what's semolina? Semolina role.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1864.765

Oh, well, you would do it all the time, not just one time. No, no. It's like once a week. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So I'd like to do that. And I'd like to... He's up there. He flips a pad asking for dip.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1890.276

Okay, so you want to do that? I also would like to get back into the gym because I have had a lot of injuries this year. You got hit by a car, didn't you? Yeah. I'll look at her. She thinks I milk it. What? You do like attention. Well, yeah, but not that kind. It's true. I am injured. And I went down to Florida to get the platelet therapy.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1913.807

Shout out Dr. Bill Bonner. It's true.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1916.249

Bill who? Bill Bonner? Bill Bonner. Bill Bonner. My doctor down in Florida. If there's any of the jury members out there listening. He drew 22 vials of blood, spun it around, turned it into plasma. I got those injections. Why'd you go all the way down there? They do that here. I was going to do that for my hair. They haven't taken yet. They haven't taken.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1932.904

Don't do it. Let it be natural. Just go. Okay, guy. He's holding on to it.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1945.212

Oh, yeah. That was amazing. Put that mouth away.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

1982.702

I think they still do. I didn't have friends to make fake languages with. Okay.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2010.817

Played poker?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2013.098

As a kid?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2014.258

I played poker in high school. We used to run poker games at parties.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2033.245

Yeah.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2035.305

Graja and Tiger. I had an imaginary best friend that was a deer named Venatio. Oh, I know this. That's nice.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2054.075

Early 20s. Long time. I think college was a weird time. Yeah. Pandemic really got the best of me.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2075.257

Get out of here, Valahulu.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2078.839

Falafucky. Oh, Raja. Falafucky. Falafucky.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2094.205

I'll give you that. I had a crush on Ariel, Jasmine, and Bambi.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2101.428

That kind of explains a lot. I thought Bambi was a girl. I don't know. You had a crush on her?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2115.794

Let me bring you up to speed real quick. Hold up a second. Bambi's a deer.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2129.781

Jessica Rabbit, big crush. Yes, he's all right.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2134.603

I'm like Roger Rabbit. He is Roger Rabbit. In what sense? Because I'm a silly cartoon and I fuck hot chicks.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2147.047

And there's also a private eye currently looking for him. And if you do two bits of air, can I lose my mind? Yeah.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2204.877

We're not getting into it, even though she brought it up.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

221.237

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When we fly out of Newark at the same time, they're like, make it tourist covered. They're going to shoplift everything.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2211.281

No, there's no loophole. Shut the fuck up. There's no loophole. It's not happening.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2230.789

Girl, don't get me started. No contact. Block, delete, move on. No dating for a while.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2278.487

We'll see what's in the cards. I'll take you out. A couple of fried pickles. Henry? I had a date with a fella a couple weeks ago. It was amazing. What's that look like? Dude, he came over and we... What? This is how I talk when I'm with men.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2296.324

It was amazing. We listened to Steely Dan, smoked cigarettes, played my wrestling video game.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2303.53

Oh, just a couple of boys. And sucked each other's dicks. It was incredible.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2311.733

Loser sucks the other one's dick. What do you know? My controller's not plugged in.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2317.995

What? Steely Dan's great.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2329.058

You do that? I do that.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2332.499

You do that. You do that.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2334.08

You know about that.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2336.041

But, yeah, maybe I'll date a fella. Maybe, you know, this is going to be, you know, 2025. I'm excited. Is this your year? This is my year. Are we looking at an Ian glow up? I'm turning 40. December 30th. Two shows. Rhode Island Providence Comedy Connection. 8 and 10.30. Tickets still available. Tickets still available.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2365.518

Oh, my God.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2368.639

Feeling alive. Feeling good.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2395.387

Me?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2512.905

That's a drink. Why don't you guys come? What are you doing? I love guns.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2550.882

That's so hurtful.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2556.588

I used to shoot squirrels with a BB gun.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

256.208

Over the calamari hors d'oeuvres. We were like, oh, yeah, we were.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2579.095

You didn't have to grow all your own food.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2582.737

Were you working?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2604.116

I'm hungry.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2667.127

That's like an ozempic, isn't it? Giardia? Yeah, it sounds like a medicine. They sell you later.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2689.516

You make the yogurt with yogurt?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2717.23

And then I'd start fucking thinking about it. On the one hand, you got me like, why come over and listen to Steele again? And then she's like, want to make yogurt in my sleeping bag?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

273.042

Well, it was in between eating off other people's plates.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2738.384

Okay. I'm on that.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2740.364

Wait, you would do what?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2796.008

You know, at the time, we were keeping chickens in our pockets. You tickle them on the neck, they make an egg, you put it in the gas station hot dog container.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2806.115

Yeah, really? That's crazy.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2811.737

I got some yogurt culture. How you get it done is you get your squirrel that you carry in your shoulder to distract.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2845.827

Oh, I use bags of chips as blankets.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

287.554

And I was in the middle of grabbing them while they were taking them away. And we were like, no, keep them.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2881.533

Well, you got it.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2907.887

I did that with Samson. I would lay on the ground and put his food on my chest so he'd associate me with the thing he needed to live.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2918.094

That's not bad.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2934.487

It was so gloopy. Hey, you bring the yogurt. I'll bring the sleeping bag.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2985.781

Of recidivism.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2988.722

It's built to make it so that you fail.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2991.344

And the only way to get past it is to rob, cheat and steal.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

2994.565

Hey, pickle boy, shut up.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3023.256

And then they all wore togas and Louie Louie played at the end.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3032.377

Is that from Animal House?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3037.221

I had to do that in college. I had to take two semesters worth of credits in one semester because I got incompletes for an entire semester because I told everyone.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3048.749

while I was student teaching while I was working a job it was crazy because the last semester that I was supposed to go to class I didn't because I was drinking and I told all my professors I was in rehab and I was like shaking when I went to them because I hadn't drank that day so they were like oh god it's real and then I got it all done I electrocuted myself right before I walked in I got it all done the real way I didn't forge papers or nothing I forged

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

307.352

Smokehouse. Sounds like a weed shop.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3080.247

Why were you taking chemistry?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3083.57

What was your major?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3089.977

That's crazy. Your major was philosophy, and they were like, take chemistry.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3096.743

Yeah, you had to do all these.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

311.556

Yeah, the Warner Brothers lot. And who went? You two? Us, and we brought our son, Luke. Your son, Luke. And who picked up this bill? Me.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3126.56

Because they wanted to kill themselves because they were traumatized at a young age. What the fuck? And you're relating this to what? That's like the perfect epitome of the tragedy of my life. As soon as you give a little girl a puppy, you go, here, this one will live. And then he beats it and then it kills itself.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3148.526

Yeah.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3151.604

Because you were like, what's the most dirtbag story?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3155.886

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I needed them to feel a little bit bad for me. I forged the papers, but I had a really hard life.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3167.31

But why did he keep beating them if it didn't work the first five times? Why did he keep bringing them to the road? And then I was like, maybe he just liked that part.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3195.998

She's asking us the things she should be asking him. Why did he keep beating the dogs?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3202.483

I don't know, honey. That's not really an us question. It never worked.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3212.529

It's above my pay grade.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3217.212

Stop describing the dog's faces. Oh, well, no.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3237.458

Okay. When was the last time you were arrested?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3272.01

I ate food I didn't have to make. Oh, I didn't tell you, dude. The last time I saw you, I remember I was like, I'm throwing at the first pitch.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3283.572

Remember the last time I was here, I was like, I'm throwing at the first pitch. The day before I threw that out, I got arrested for having that knife. And I got out of jail, and the next day I flew and threw out the first pitch. Which you ducked, by the way. Oh, yeah. Wasn't it a bad pitch? It bounced and went right to the chest of the guy. Fuck you.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3305.36

Well, I have a bum shoulder. I'm getting injections. I got a fucked up shoulder. I told you. I was trying. The shots didn't take. It looked good. Thank you.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3313.144

It did look like a good pitch.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3315.106

Why did you get a knife? Because people were getting assaulted in the city, and I'm a little guy. Who found a knife? Why'd you get a knife? Stop for a knife. Officer Forbes on the 73rd Street subway station. He just stopped you? She saw, I guess, the, like, latch in my pocket. And she was like, what's that? I was like, my knife. Oh, my God. I'm in.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3347.897

Oh, I didn't forget to take my meds. Fuck, I forgot to take mine today, too. Are you kidding me? I forgot. Oh, fuck.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3358.765

Easter eggs. God damn it. Holy space.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3374.26

I went full manic last night and went full Ian.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

338.961

Are you pulling out your Patreon card? I quit the vape.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3386.979

Oh, yeah. Oh, I had to get taken home because I would scream and cry at night thinking my mom was going to die, too.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3407.372

If he didn't want it, why would he wag his tail? The dog was going, mm-mm-mm. Okay. We've never seen a rabbit kill itself before.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3428.799

He beat the shit out of it.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

344.725

She fucking vapes. She does these fucking tobacco packs. I rip a cigarette and she's like, you're killing yourself.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3459.911

I figure you both are going to slink out of here into the sewers. You at home in TV land. Look it up.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3471.259

I can stay. I got nowhere to go. No, Ian. We're bombing the place for termites. Finally get my medicine. I'm going to get a hit on that.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3525.046

Oh, that's right. They can't do it. I forgot. I'm sorry. She can't put her jacket on. I forgot about that. It's so wet. Be an Ian with Jordan every Wednesday. Patreon.com slash BeAnIanPod. RIP Jordan Jensen every other Monday. And Bellevue Outpatient on the weekends. December 31st, Comedy Connection, Providence, Rhode Island. Providence, go see Cousin Ian. Come on out.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3547.273

Two shows with a special guest.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3549.494

It's going to be fun. We sold out the live podcast on December 30th, and then I'm on the road every weekend until the end of May. Fantastic. Go to punchup.live slash Ian Finance. Ian, Jesus, you're going to hurt her. Check out my special Wild, Happy, and Free on YouTube.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

355.059

Have you never met Icebox?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3582.109

You're fantastic. We love you both. Love you guys so much. I'm so happy we could come here together. I have Christmas shirts for you guys. Merry Christmas. These are just your merch. Uh-huh. Okay. It's left over from this last run. I think you're going to charge me $25 for it. $35 card, $25 cash. Here's triple X for the big man. And Luke, I got you triple X for YouTube. Oh, these are good quality.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3609.727

From Edgeman Printing. Luke, extra large. I had double X, but I sold them. But, you know, thank you, guys. And you can get these on my Instagram.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3621.374

Just call me. Edgeman printing. Shout out Jimmy Edgeman, Detroit. No, we got to get a picture. Can you get a picture? Let the girl go.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

3655.228

So, you know, when I was in fourth grade... Gang, we love you.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

376.852

Everyone in her family is like fucking Kit from A League of Their Own.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

390.872

You were Marla. Still well, baby. I was not Marla.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

396.997

Yeah, I was.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

401.9

Uh-huh. She was a good asset to the team.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

410.69

The company card. I have the company card. Uh-huh. And I used it to buy us dinner. But Jordan also has one. No.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

429.33

But he always said he did. I know, because in my mind, I'm the one that took the card out. That's not true. I'm not trying to stolen valor fucking taking money, giving money. This is the most derping conversation. I had the card, so I said me. You're imagining who picked it up, yes. But we, it's the Patreon.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

461.613

Did you know she was going to talk about that? No, I didn't. It was in my bag. That's crazy. Look, you can see we have the knives up to each other, and Jordan is actually sticking the knife in my throat. Marla Hooge. Listen.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

484.289

Yeah, well, they were like, oh, she's a fan of yours. But she wasn't a fan of mine. I go, well, fuck her then. Fuck her.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

505.969

Yeah, she's like, I really can't do that. Yeah, because she has to charge for the pictures. She doesn't have to do anything. She could have had the goodness in her heart to do it. Man, you two are something else. What? Can I drink this? Yeah, have some.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

526.34

No! Give me!

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

532.503

Also, I love how I walked in.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

535.545

How do you do this? You just pop it in? Like this.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

545.225

This is going to make me puke. Oh, God.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

575.525

10 seconds.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

576.947

I'll tell you this. Speaking of blowing up, I blew up the Denver airport bathroom. I shit so hard it went up my back. I had to wash my clothes.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

589.942

You shouldn't have that many away games.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

595.309

What did you say? I stayed at the Ramada window. Quit bragging. Out by the airport. Dude, it's a trash hotel. I love it. The first time I ever stayed there, there was a guy on meth going to the guy at the county.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

609.409

There's a man in my room. Look. And it was just a video of nothing. And the guy goes, sir, if this happens every week, why do you continue to stay here?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

622.295

I like the free breakfast.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

624.276

There's a man in my room and a photo of nothing is so funny. Look at him staring at us.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

633.04

I'm like, there can be another man.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

659.062

What are you, a bear?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

664.344

I have to have locks on my cabinets because she comes in and eats all your honey. I thought you meant salmon.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

683.155

Yeah, but she doesn't ask. She just goes in and just roots through it and stuff ends up on the floor.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

689.26

I'm like, that's eight weeks old, Tony.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

700.386

When I got the new cat, Glenn, shout out Glenn, I love you. Is he a listener?

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

705.953

Are you on the Patreon, Glenn? Shout out Glenn. He's psychotic.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

710.338

That is psychotic.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

713.381

Hope he's feeling better. He's got Wi-Fi. He'll check it out. He was... Stop. Don't.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

733.861

So she comes over. Glenn's new. He's been there for a week. I got a water bottle. Glenn just started working here. He's still training. I had a water bottle to spray him when he goes for the food, you know? Because for like two weeks, I had to eat standing in my living room.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

752.035

I had to fight him in the bathroom.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

755.577

I had to walk around holding the inside of Glenn's pocket. It was really awful.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

760.9

What? He goes after what food? When you're eating? The food on the counter. And then when I was eating, I couldn't eat sitting down because he would lunge at the food. He's a kitten. He was three months old. So I would have to eat standing up in my living room.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

773.527

It was psychotic. It was crazy.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

774.628

It was so much better. But it was very funny because I have a water bottle. So when he was going for the food, I'd spray him. And he, this thing, reached into my thing of nuts. And Glenn goes to eat the thing of nuts from her hand. I spray Glenn. She grabs an orange out of my hand. I spray her. And they both scurried away to the same part of the room.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

803.844

This row is not good.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

807.888

It's empty. I ate it immediately.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

843.097

I was praying for an upgrade. Literally, in the green room at the store. Front down with the luggage upstairs. Could everybody knock on wood that I get a Delta 1 upgrade? You were close. I was one out of like eight. Were you guys on the same flight? No, I flew out a day earlier than her. FAA rules.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

875.299

I want to be more put together. Nikki Glaser went on stage last night and I had to come up after her and I felt so... I was like, different woman! This is a different woman now!

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

886.666

It was so hard.

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

904.513

Dude, she feeds the dog eggs. It eats off the floor. It farts. It smells. Oh, she farts. So does Foley.