Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
In 2011, two local dirtbags met outside of a comedy open mic at the Raven Lounge in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The fatter one needed to borrow money off the bald one. Now, 14 years later, they're playing the biggest RU Garbage show at the Met in Philadelphia.
Chapter 2: What experiences led to the creation of the RU Garbage podcast?
Their bond over TGI Fridays, cheap beer, scratch-off lottery tickets, and drinking milk with dinner has led to the creation of the RU Garbage podcast. Get your tickets for a true celebration of Philadelphia garbage.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find it to be classy after just a big old piece of trash. Garbage. I'm your host, Dave Foley, coming at you on a glorious day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She, um... I really can't get into it right now. Okay. I told her I wouldn't. There's that guy working really hard.
I'm telling you, I want to say, but I can't. Okay. I mean, just respect her privacy at this difficult time for her. All right, I will. When she's ready to make an announcement to everybody about what's going on, You'll be the first to know. Okay. But for right now, I got to respect what she said to me about what she's doing. Sounds like you're about to tell me. I just got to respect it.
Do you want me to tell you? No, I don't want to know. That's her business. And also, you know, don't let the bozos out there know. It's a family business.
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Chapter 3: What kind of show is Are You Garbage?
You got to circle the fucking wagons a little bit. If it's that serious. It's kind of messed up. Okay. Well, then don't. Then I don't want to hear it. You sure? Yeah, I don't. You're kind of involved. We're all kind of involved. Just by, you know. Association. Yes. My name's somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. Not happy about that.
I'd rather if it's going to bring up legal consequences, I'd rather wait till after. She might have mentioned your name specifically. Sure. But I told her I wouldn't say anything. Okay. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Just the way we like it. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. Woo! Hey, gang.
Shout out to you. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify, baby. Boys are climbing through the charts. Then obviously... Hanging in there in them charts. Hanging in, baby. We really are. We've never shown off. Shout out to the bozos and the homies. We're the journeymen of this type of thing.
You know what I mean? We're not the superstars. We're not the bozos. Right in the middle. Or the underdogs. Fucking ham and eggers, lunch pail guys, you know what I mean? Ham and eggers. Coming in, doing a job, putting the boots on, going to work, going home. Ham gets a bad wrap at breakfast. I don't know why. Yeah, I'm not a huge fan, but I get it from time to time.
Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. You go over there, you join over the... 15,000 members of that army of garbage, baby. I'm talking boots on. That's 30,000 boots on the ground. Actually, there's probably some one-leggers out there. You think? Yeah, for sure. Just statistically-wise. You think so?
Yeah, probably like something that got stuck in a railroad or something like that. I mean, you know. It wasn't a squash accident. Let's say 29,000 legs. You think there's 1,000 people missing legs? No, no, no, no, no. That's bad numbers, dude. I mean, maybe feet, diabetes will get you. Yeah, where was I the other day? It was a healthcare professional.
It wasn't my endocrinologist, but it was another doctor referred to it as diabetes. Dr. Feelgood. Diabetes?
What the fuck?
And then the boys are on the road. We got the biggest show we've ever done in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania at the Met. If you're in a tri-state area, get tickets for that. The boys are having a good fucking time. Be there in a couple of days. A couple of days. And then all the other cities we just announced for 2026 are on the website right now, available. We're doing some club weekends.
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Chapter 4: How do the hosts connect with their audience?
That would have been a... Okay, easy does it. Easy does it there. This is a public family episode. Speaking of blowjobs, let's cruise by the old corner office. Say hi to the boss's son over there, Mr. Luke Dempsey.
Calling to the stage, Mr. H. Bolle.
It's like two tall speaking hams. Two pressed hams. Ten pounds of shit in a five-pound bag. How you doing? A little junk in the trunk. Try to hit me. Oh, man. As I said, a lot of talk about this big merger with the Dempsey Group. No one's talking. Only you. I've been hearing them things. The trades. A happy hour afterwards downtown by Wall Street. A lot of people are... The street's talking.
Mm-hmm. That would be our propaganda arm. You guys are shaking. Oh, Dan, they got the press.
It's a direct attack. A direct attack. Until it comes across my desk, you know, we're not for sale. Maybe you don't know. Maybe you're out. We'd only sell to Blackwater. Is that the? No. Why? That's the mercenary group. Yeah, they got cash. Fuck. Fuck you think they're donating. No band leaders, okay? They're going to use this. Go over there. Take out the Taliban. Are they still a problem?
I got some stuff. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know nothing. This is not the show. I don't know. We went... We're real dark ops and fucking... This ain't the show, gang. I got something I wanted to get into. Talk to me. My door's always open. We've been, you know, we come from dirtbags. We've been dirtbags our whole life. Never claimed to be nothing short of little dirty kids. Too many lines.
I had to get on the patties and bring the Christmas stuff out of the garage. Man, they're in a dirt bag. Talking about a scumbag weekend. Getting yelled at. Yeah. I mean, you're 50. Bunch of wreaths over by fucking the chlorine buckets for the pool. All bleached. Shit stinks. You got albino wreaths now? Man. Yeah. Crazy. You ever have to do stuff like that? You're the worst son.
I'm the worst son? I'm down here doing it. Complaining and then coming in front of fucking 200,000 people or whatever. Why? I mean, I got to tell them about my day. I do it. What do you mean? We're boys, me and Patty. Sure. A little shepherd's pie goes a long way. Yeah, easy way to your heart. Yeah, she packed one up. It looks like she made a fucking, what's it called, pressure cooker bomb.
That's why we're selling to Blackwater. We've got to get fucking boots on granite. Keep your enemies close, you know what I mean? It's an hour and a half drive. She packed it in one of those styrofoam coolers. which I don't know where the fuck she got that. That's what they do with organs. Yeah.
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Chapter 5: What are the pros and cons of using styrofoam cups?
Yeah, everything about it's great. And it feels healthy. I know it's wrong, and I'm a fat piece of shit. Well, Doc, you're saying it doesn't? No, it does. Are they franchises? I like the fact that, like, the cups even, styrofoam cups, so it's not, like, heavy. Everything, the nuggets are smaller, so they don't feel like as, it's just.
We should bring back, listen, I know I'm really killing the environment this episode, but styrofoam cups, let's bring them back. Are they that bad? I don't know. Find out, like, find out the brass tacks on, like. This is getting crazy, though. What? The styrofoam cups, man, with that crushed ice. Forget about it. It's the best.
Yeah.
You think Burger King could fucking use some styrofoam cups? You guys are tanking. I never remember. Get your shit together. I never remember styrofoam cups at Burger King. No, they never had them. But just think how good they'd be doing if they had them.
It's true. The problem is, really, they don't go away. Yeah, they're not biodegradable.
These are just cold sores, and I got one of them.
Cold sores.
All right, let's see here. This one I don't know if we've recently talked about. I feel like we might have. This is from Hulk, $10 Long Island homie here. Is it garbage to do a 50-50 at your wedding? Getting married in September and trying to make an extra buck. Oh, you bastards.
They then said, we're close to, also, Kippy and Foley, if you guys really want to come, we're about 30 minutes from you. Someone said, hey, I'm from Bayshore. Is it an open bar? So they're vibing, and he said, yeah, for sure. If you really want to come, it's like an invite, great invite. No. If you guys want to come, feel free to come out. It's 30 minutes from you. You put the really. I'm sorry.
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Chapter 6: Is it acceptable to ask for a 50-50 at a wedding?
What are the tickets? Give me $100. There you go. You're a good kid. So let's say it's two grand. The person who won gets $1,000, and then the couple gets $1,000. And then you'd hope, maybe. Give it back? Yeah. Give it back half? Give it back half. Wet my beak. I got to rent a tux, maybe, if I'm in a wedding. Would you? You wouldn't give the whole thing back?
I'd probably give the whole thing back. I'd throw it in there. I'd make a big speech. I'd make a spectacle out of it. You'd definitely get to make a speech. You win, you get to make a speech. Or maybe you know what I would do? I'd give them half. Say it's two grand. We'll run the numbers on that. How many people at an average wedding say 100?
Chapter 7: How do people typically handle cash gifts at weddings?
Say 200. What's that? That's 10 bucks a clip? I think you'd probably do more than two grand.
Put me at ten bucks a clip. It's also smart. They're doing the open bar. So you're getting some drunk guys coming in later.
Guys are drunk going, ah, give me 40, give me 50.
Here's the only problem.
So you're going to do more than two grand. I love this idea, and more dirtbags should fucking do it. Here's the only problem with that. Especially if you're paying for the wedding yourself. Everybody always comes to the wedding... understacked with cash. I feel completely wrong. Really?
The guys I roll, like the dirt bags I roll, all the fucking pipe fitters, everybody in my family who's a blue-collar worker has cash. I never had cash. Have you ever brought in more than $7 to a wedding?
Weddings, I like to bring $100 minimum cash. Yeah, you got to be... Is that broken up or honored? Broken up, usually 520s.
It's all ones.
All right, one at a time.
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Chapter 8: What are the implications of hosting a charity event?
Hopefully the dad steps back in. Yeah, some little prick fucking getting it. I remember. Some 11-year-old. We won one of like a CYO. Then you got to fight him. Karum's got to pull him aside. Smack him around a little bit. Because you got 11, you're not giving that back up. Well, this is what I'm saying.
I remember we won one or we almost won one or someone at a CYO game for like my brother, like a tournament. Maybe someone else won. I remember learning the lesson. I remember the lesson was you got to give it back. He quits the team. He gets walked out. Be a Chick-fil-A. Thanks, losers. My dad going, you got to give it back. The guy didn't kick it back in. I remember my dad being like,
For the church or what? For the kids. The church. You got to kick it. It's for the kids. You got to kick it back in a Catholic youth league or something like that. That's a tough position. I remember being like, fuck that. They get their half. I get my half. Suck my dick. How much was it? I forget. I don't know if we won. I just remember learning the lesson. I think we were judging.
He was judging a guy. The bigger it is. If it's like 15 grand. I ain't parting with that. $15,000 untaxed, right? Yeah, what do you mean untaxed? I'm not going to say nothing. Okay, I'm that kind of guy. That's a one-time gift under $17,000. Those things don't get taxed, do they? I don't know. Is it cash? If it's a wedding and it's $15,000, I guess we're not making $30,000.
How many people are at this fucking wedding? It's a big affair. With some very well-to-do people. Sounds it. Who love doing 50-50s, apparently. If you're inviting that many rich people to your wedding, you don't need a host of 50-50. This should be like an Elks bar, a VFW, the barn. Talking about five grand. I think that dude... I mean, I think if you can come up with 15, two grand...
That's amazing. That's such like a fucking game changer. $2,500 walking out the door? For two guys who are bootstrapped. Two guys, two guys, gals, whatever, that are bootstrapping her wedding. I love that. I don't think you can do it if the groom's mom paid for it. It's like you take what you get from the gifts. That's the deal we've all, for some reason, have come accustomed to.
Somebody else pays for the wedding. You get to keep the gifts. It's this one-time start-off lump sum to buy a house or something. But you can't be running a fucking... You can't have a three-card Monty game going and also you're not paying for the fucking wedding. You can only do this if you paid for the wedding. All right, cool.
There.
Kippy has spoken.
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