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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Robby Hoffman!

22 Dec 2025

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?

0.031 - 19.204 Unknown

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

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19.792 - 36.814 H. Foley

Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it's a good one to be classy. Yeah. But you're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition.

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37.134 - 44.804 H. Foley

She has a new pump and dump scam. Okay. She wants to run by us at dinner. Fair enough. Make us all fat and juicy. I'm in. Hoffman, you get in this if you want. Let me know.

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44.904 - 49.109 Robby Hoffman

Is this another crypto scam? Probably.

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49.49 - 50.331 Kevin Ryan

Probably not as an advance.

50.351 - 60.243 Robby Hoffman

Crypto, for those listening, crypto is the male version of astrology. Is that correct? It's a lot to do with the minerals and numerology.

60.463 - 62.406 Kevin Ryan

I've lost just as much money as my wife has as well.

62.566 - 64.108 Robby Hoffman

Yeah. That definitely makes sense.

64.088 - 74.501 H. Foley

My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. And I love him. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

Chapter 2: How does Robby Hoffman's upbringing influence her career?

403.767 - 407.633 H. Foley

We love it. Take me back, though. How old were you when you moved to Montreal?

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407.613 - 428.973 Robby Hoffman

I grew up, I'm from New York, I grew up in Montreal, which by the way, growing up in Montreal, and shout out to Montreal, Montreal is like the greatest, it's such a great city to visit, but it's also now that I, when you're dating and you, you know, when I first brought my wife Gabby back to my hometown, it's like, it's such an amazing hometown to have as your hometown.

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429.314 - 442.74 Robby Hoffman

Like because it's like different. It's very unique. It's like she's from nothing wrong with Denver. By the way, don't come at me, Denver. I love your city, but it's no Montreal. You know what I mean? It's like we go back. I can't breathe. I got the oxygen can, the altitude. You know what I mean?

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442.761 - 445.045 Kevin Ryan

I like how she's on defense. I know.

445.025 - 463.91 Robby Hoffman

No, I know because they're going to be people of Denver. And I'm saying, and I love all the crackheads there. And shout out to everybody in Denver. But I'm saying, Montreal is a cool city. Can you speak French? Yes. It's the law to speak French there. It is. So you learned that in school all growing up? Yes, yes. They forced you to do French when you moved.

464.01 - 465.933 H. Foley

And what did your mom do for work when you guys were up there?

465.953 - 476.692 Robby Hoffman

My mother was on welfare. She was a housewife. Wow. And she tried, she tried to, well, she taught guitar, but she always tried to get- Could she play guitar? Amazing.

Chapter 3: What challenges did Robby's family face growing up?

476.772 - 498.588 Robby Hoffman

Really? My mother is an incredible guitarist and musician just overall. That's okay. And she always tried to get a proper teaching job. She's also a wizening. My mother is maybe the smartest person I've ever met. I mean, English, culture, literature, all this stuff. I mean, we had the type of, you know, our house was already, we were so poor and there was no space.

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498.988 - 519.771 Robby Hoffman

And further to that, we had books everywhere. lining every fucking wall, you know. So that was the house that I grew up in. My mother always tried to get jobs, and I feel bad now. I had such a shame about being poor, which, of course, it feels very shameful when you're a kid, and they make it, you know. I went to a rich school when I went to Montreal.

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519.811 - 539.837 Robby Hoffman

I got into this, my mother was able to get us on subsidy to a rich school. And she thought it was a great opportunity. And I still had my big mouth and all that when I was a kid. So she would say, could you just shut up and be good? This is a good opportunity for you. You don't know what this... I would imagine what she was saying. I would protest the pop quiz. I mean, this is criminal.

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539.877 - 560.755 Robby Hoffman

This is preposterous. I mean, what's even the point of the pop quiz? Surprise. It's not testing anything, but I don't know what it is. It's like an alarm clock for testing. It just doesn't make sense. Give me a heads up, will you? Let me prepare. What's wrong with a little preparation? So, but my mother, I felt that.

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560.775 - 576.467 Robby Hoffman

I remember at one point, she was going to apply to the coffee shop, Tim Hortons, which is like- Shout out to it. Shout out to Timmy. Double, double. Shout out to Timmy's, exactly, the double, double, which is like the Dunkin' Donuts of Canada. And I remember being so embarrassed. I was like, Ma, you can't work.

576.616 - 577.657 Kevin Ryan

Was it the local one?

577.738 - 595.463 Robby Hoffman

It was the one right outside the bus stop from my school. So everybody's getting out from the bus. Everybody's getting out the bus. Everybody goes to the Timmy O's to get an ice cap. My mother's going to be there. And by the way, she's not good with all that. I don't even think she would have gotten the job. Now I'm thinking back what she's good at, what she's good at and what she's not.

595.884 - 605.357 Robby Hoffman

All those drink orders, forget it. They were going to get whatever the hell she handed them. So I shouldn't feel too bad. I think she would have been fired. And I saved her that.

605.337 - 605.919 H. Foley

Sure.

Chapter 4: How did Robby's mother impact her life and values?

1004.962 - 1032.936 Robby Hoffman

I think it closed. I mean, I'd be shocked. If you haven't closed, guys, please. Think about it. Come on. But the Wheel Club, it was so much fun. And they only allowed music before 1965. And my mother is... You know how I'm like, I'm in my 30s, but I'm almost like, you don't know if I'm 7 or you don't know if I'm 73. My mother's 104. Like, I feel like, you know how a trans person, once they get

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1033.102 - 1054.989 Robby Hoffman

I feel like trans age, once a trans person gets all their surgeries, they get everything, they take their hormones, and they finally feel like their body is matching who they are inside, I feel like I'm going to turn 73, look in the mirror, and I'll finally be home in my body. And my program is on in the other room, and everything makes sense. That's how my mother is.

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1055.409 - 1057.151 Robby Hoffman

So my mother played music once a week there.

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1057.712 - 1058.653 H. Foley

Would you guys go?

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1059.005 - 1071.923 Robby Hoffman

We went sometimes, and it was really fun. All of you? No, a bunch of us. And my sister, Chaya, was great at singing, too. Chaya. Nice. Would you sing a song again? I mean, she's got a beautiful voice. Okay, let's talk about Factor. Shout out to Factor, Factor, Factor.

1071.943 - 1091.13 H. Foley

We love them Factor meals over here at Toadie's Gang. Eating well through the holidays can be tough, as you know. That's why you should try Factor chef-prepared, dietician-approved meals to help you stay balanced and energized through the indulgent time of the holiday season. I got a couple Christmas cookies in me. As you know, I balance that out with a nice factor meal.

1091.431 - 1096.239 H. Foley

They're delicious, they're nutritious, and they're always ready to go in two minutes in the old microwave.

1096.359 - 1111.367 Kevin Ryan

Yeah, unlike meal kits that require prep and cooking, it's not one of those things where they say, hey, we'll send you a tablespoon of salt, this or that. You got to open it up. It's spilling. The goddamn seal don't open up, and you're mixing it up, and then the You're burning a steak. I got presents to open. It ain't like that.

1111.848 - 1130.314 Kevin Ryan

Factor delivers fully prepared, ready to eat meals in just two minutes. I throw them on a pan, sizzle them up real nice. That's what I do. Factor sent a new box yesterday. It came in yesterday. I know. Boys, we're fighting over it. We got it in the kitchen over here. Also, listen, it's tough. As a fat guy my whole life, it's tough. Tough time of year.

Chapter 5: What humorous anecdotes does Robby share about his Emmy experience?

2029.973 - 2040.167 Robby Hoffman

Okay, never mind. Shout out to Jess. Shout out to Jess for saying that, but reminding you, but my sister does speak like that all the time. Sure. Stuff like that. Yeah, funny terminology. But I have to give credit where credit is due. Jess brought back Crook.

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2040.187 - 2042.21 H. Foley

That's great. What a story. What a tale.

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2042.43 - 2056.981 Robby Hoffman

See, I couldn't even just go over that. I had to give... Crook, I had to cut out, you know what I mean? Because I'm like, because I can't even think, like she'll go like a bushel, like I don't even know the phrases, but a bushel in the hand, a two and a bird, like it's just the craziest stuff.

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Chapter 6: How does Robby reflect on his family's support and success?

2057.001 - 2057.783 H. Foley

One in the hand, two in the bush.

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2058.063 - 2059.948 Robby Hoffman

Right? Yes.

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2059.968 - 2061.872 H. Foley

You hop the bus, you end up on a train.

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2062.409 - 2063.491 Robby Hoffman

He's higher.

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2063.691 - 2065.374 Kevin Ryan

That's from an old bit that he did.

2065.754 - 2070.682 Robby Hoffman

Oh, okay. So now I throw it to the old bit. It worked in the early 2000s. It still works today. All right.

2071.002 - 2080.377 H. Foley

Let's talk about now a little bit. We know humble beginnings and unbelievable story. And I'm sure they are all ecstatic about your success.

2080.778 - 2081.579 Robby Hoffman

They're really supportive.

Chapter 7: What are the key insights Robby shares about purchasing a car?

2081.599 - 2084.303 Robby Hoffman

As they should be. They really, really are. I'm bringing my brother. I get to do.

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2085.365 - 2089.311 H. Foley

What do they say when you're like, hey, I got nominated for an Emmy Award? What do they say?

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2089.291 - 2109.266 Robby Hoffman

I mean, it's crazy because we already thought we already think we win it. Like the arrogance is also crazy because it's like I was going to say the joke was it's about time. Yeah. My sister comes. I invited her to come to the Emmys with me. And so we go to the Emmys and the whole morning we wake up. We're like, it's a shoe in like we will wake up like we already won.

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2109.346 - 2112.832 Robby Hoffman

Like she's getting her hair done. Right. I got my we got this.

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2113.032 - 2114.775 Kevin Ryan

I like your face. Practice your face.

2114.755 - 2118.76 Robby Hoffman

I'm like ironing my outfit. I'm like, this is unbelievable.

Chapter 8: How does Robby connect his car journey to his personal growth?

2118.78 - 2124.366 Robby Hoffman

Like, we're already planning what we're going to eat after. Like, we have the whole day. So funny. We get into the Emmys.

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2124.506 - 2125.207 Unknown

So trashy.

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2125.227 - 2144.069 Robby Hoffman

We get into the Emmys. And they, by the way, she's like, I don't even know who else they would give it to. I mean, I'm looking at this category. There's nobody here. By the way, my category was Olivia Colman, Zoe Kravitz. Like, literally, she's like, who would they? I had six lines. And she's like, I don't even see how they could give it to anybody else. And we get there.

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2144.089 - 2145.511 H. Foley

Let's just get it and get out of here.

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2145.531 - 2162.854 Robby Hoffman

That's what I'm saying. Excuse me, can we speed this up? We ended up being the first award of the night. We were supposed to be like later in the show, but then they said, actually, we're going to do the actors up front. So I was the very first award of the night. So we're sitting, we get there, we had some free champagne, which we had to beg for. She said, there's no open bar.

2163.655 - 2168.742 Robby Hoffman

We were, okay, we had to beg for. Well, you think it's, I mean, everything's gold.

2168.722 - 2169.824 Kevin Ryan

I agree with you.

2170.024 - 2174.892 Robby Hoffman

Wait, there's no open bar? It is a cash bar.

2174.972 - 2177.035 Kevin Ryan

Hollywood, this is why you're tanking.

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