Armchair Anonymous: Animal Attack III
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What setup and episode theme do Dax and Monica introduce at the start of Animal Attacks Part 3?
Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Padman.
Hi.
Hi. Today we have animal attacks, part three.
So, these are scary.
Yeah, animal attacks are very scary.
They're scary and it's validating.
Yeah. And we got a monkey one, which I love.
There's one that involves an animal that I also have had some issues with this year.
So, you know, I just feel validated. You feel validated. Yeah. Yeah. Seen.
I feel seen.
You will, too.
Please enjoy Animal Attacks Part 3.
Hi.
Is this Laura?
Hello, it is.
Of course, it's Laura, but my mother had a client. Her name's Laura, and he always called her Laura.
Okay, I pronounce mine Laura, so not even Laura. Oh, okay. Nice. Yeah, different.
Where are you?
I'm currently sitting in Canada, but I'm from Delaware. I'm at the scene of the crime.
Oh, you are. You're returning to heal some past trauma?
For sure, for sure. No, it's for a friend's bachelorette party, but I made that friend through this story. A lot of connections. Delaware's our tiniest state, yeah? Second smallest. I think Rhode Island's number one.
Oh, congratulations, Rhode Island. But it's a teensy little fellow, right?
She's small. Everybody knows everybody. I can name every high school in the state. Wow.
Oh, really?
Aubrey Plaza, one of the only famous people from Delaware, did acting classes with her. Everybody knows everybody.
She was always cool?
How did Laura describe her moose encounter as a canoe trip leader and what led up to the confrontation?
Always cool.
Yeah, for sure. Some people are born cool, right, Bonnie?
They sure are.
Okay.
In the DNA.
What is very cool is to be attacked by an animal.
Yes.
Tell us about your animal attack story.
Let me set the scene. I was a wilderness canoe trip leader for years in Canada. This particular trip was one of the harder trips that the camp led. And I was given a group of 10, 14-year-old boys and me.
Oh, boy. What age were you?
20, probably. Horrible ratio, though. And this particular day was going to be a doozy. Like, we had to wake up at 5 a.m. We were going to be paddling until 9 or 10 p.m. But we knew the end of the day was going to be this section of creeks and portages, like... Six portages, six creeks. The creeks were really short in between the longer portages. And so it was exhausting. So I knew we needed to get there early. And so before we started this system of creeks and portages, we were like, everybody fill up your water jugs and your water bottles because once you get onto it, it's like muck. Like it smells bad. There's beaver dams. There's nowhere you can fill up your water. So... This has probably taken us five hours to get through these.
And we're at the second to last one. Everybody's out of water. Everybody's exhausted. It's a hot day. We get to the end and there's a couple coming up to us and they're like, hey, there's a moose out there. It's really cool. And we're like, oh, great. Wonderful. We come out that end and this moose are huge. I actually was like, this is the size of an elephant. Wow. So we look out and we're like, oh, this is cool, right? At first, by the way, its entire body is blocking the creek, like head on one end of the bank and butt on the other end of the bank. So we can't paddle.
Is it a bull or a female? Do you know?
It was a female. Relevant later in the story. So we're admiring, having a good time. Okay, 10 minutes of admiring turns into 20, 30, 40. Now it's been an hour. It's probably 8.30. Everybody's dehydrated. We are one portage away from being done the day and on a lake where we can fill up our water. And the boys are starting to go from like, Laura, like, what the heck? This is your fault, whatever. Like joking around to like silence. Now I'm worried. People are really dehydrated and we have to get out of here. And so we had a bear horn to scare bears away if they came onto your campsite. We can't move until it moves. So air hornet looks up at us, looks back down, doesn't care. So I'm like, this is a mess. Now it's probably been an hour and a half.
Still eating, chilling, not moving. Oh my God.
So I see there's like a rock and I'm like, let me just climb up that rock and look out, survey the land and see if there's any other way to get around this moose.
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Chapters
6 chapters
1
What setup and episode theme do Dax and Monica introduce at the start of Animal Attacks Part 3?
0:00–1:47
2
How did Laura describe her moose encounter as a canoe trip leader and what led up to the confrontation?
1:47–12:29
3
What tactics did Laura use to protect her campers during the moose charge?
12:29–20:31
4
How did Laura and the camp process the aftermath and rumors about the moose incident?
20:31–30:58
5
What happened when Sarah’s hunting dog Billy was attacked by coyotes on a New England trail?
30:58–49:14
6
How did Sarah rescue her dog and what medical outcomes followed the coyote attack?
49:14–53:48
Speakers
9 identified
Christy (caller from Eau Claire, Wisconsin) - Unknown full name 12 min
Sarah (caller from Massachusetts) - Unknown full name 10 min
Dax Shepard 9 min
Darren (caller from Kentucky) - Unknown full name 9 min
Laura (caller from Delaware / Canada trip) - Unknown full name 8 min
Monica Padman 2 min
Producer/assistant voice (short interjection) - Unknown
Episode intro announcer (Unknown)
Bruno Satin