Menu
Sign In Search Podcasts Libraries Charts People & Topics Add Podcast API Blog Pricing
Podcast Image

Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard

Armchair Anonymous: Bad Roommate II

22 May 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?

0.031 - 6.102 Dax Shepard

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Patman.

0

6.322 - 6.683 Monica Patman

Hi.

0

7.004 - 14.918 Dax Shepard

Today we have Bad Roommates Part 2. Tell us a crazy story about a bad roommate.

0

14.999 - 17.822 Monica Patman

They're everywhere, these bad roommates. You got to be careful.

0

18.243 - 25.631 Dax Shepard

You got to be careful. What I applaud and what we loved was one of our armcherries was the bad roommate.

25.751 - 26.532 Monica Patman

Oh, I know.

Chapter 2: What are some crazy stories about bad roommates?

26.552 - 27.613 Dax Shepard

Yeah, that was great.

0

27.793 - 28.574 Monica Patman

That was.

0

28.594 - 42.75 Dax Shepard

I really like that. When we have these prompts, people, you know, we do a lot of foreign objects in body and I'd like to do way more of them. Sure. But I really want to hear from someone who had the foreign object in their body. I would too. I know that's high risk, but I feel like this is a safe place.

0

42.81 - 44.972 Monica Patman

It's high risk, low reward.

0

44.952 - 45.372 Dax Shepard

Sure.

46.173 - 48.336 Monica Patman

But we want it. We still want it.

48.456 - 49.397 Dax Shepard

No reward, maybe.

49.917 - 71.28 Unknown

Please enjoy Bad Roommate.

73.572 - 77.708 Dax Shepard

Oh, there she be.

Chapter 3: What red flags should you watch for in a roommate?

689.336 - 690.177 Alyssa

I'm not.

0

690.257 - 691.118 Dax Shepard

Me too. Yeah, right?

0

691.899 - 702.051 Monica Patman

Why? Well, because I'm riddled with thinking about what other people think about me, and clearly this woman's... Well, there's a reason, because that person just repels every single person that's around her.

0

702.031 - 719.892 Dax Shepard

You know what I was doing most of your story? I was very paying attention and dialed in. But also, I was making a lot of room for envisioning you with the dreadlocks. My conclusion was you looked very cute with dreadlocks. And I'm sure you were a really fun hang. Probably. You're coming home hammered with the dreadlocks.

0

719.912 - 724.838 Alyssa

It was a good run. You know, I don't think they would suit my personality now, but. But at the time, they were great.

724.898 - 734.495 Dax Shepard

No one likes them anymore for white folks. And that's fine. I accept it. But I had them myself. Tell me, isn't it the greatest hairdo? Because there's nothing to be done. That part of thinking is done.

734.595 - 738.602 Alyssa

It is great. And they always look good. They're not for me.

738.582 - 741.727 Dax Shepard

I bet you'd look pretty cool if you had dreads and then shaved the side.

742.628 - 743.289 Monica Patman

Yeah, you've added that.

Chapter 4: How did the bad roommate situation escalate?

1150.315 - 1158.929 David

I get home. My roommate, Ryan, who called me, looked like he had seen a ghost and showed me the clip. And he was the one who reached out to the FBI.

0

1159.169 - 1160.291 Dax Shepard

Oh, he turned him in.

0

1160.471 - 1181.622 David

Well, no, the FBI caught him. But because he was our fourth roommate, he wanted to find out, like, what's the next thing? FBI told him do not touch anything in his room because everything is evidence. My next thought was our landlord lives in our building. She was going to find out when the FBI shows up and we're going to get kicked out. We're not even a month into this lease yet.

0

1182.483 - 1200.456 David

Luckily, the FBI came in pretty discreetly to pick up the evidence as well as interview Ryan. He gave the details of about how he was rushing to move in. We didn't know anything else about him. Ryan stayed in contact with the lead agent for a while. Again, this is before even Google search became a thing.

0

1200.576 - 1225.437 David

So I Yahoo searched that roommate that got arrested and saw that our address was on the sexual offender's website. Oh, geez. Oh, boy. And we're all in our early professional careers. So I had Ryan reach out to the FBI agent to get that all settled. But we did end up finding a fourth roommate a few months later who was amazing. She wanted to be a Broadway singer. Good for her.

1225.477 - 1226.779 David

She moved in with three dudes.

1226.759 - 1231.005 Monica Patman

At a sex offenders on the registry.

1232.587 - 1234.069 Dax Shepard

Oh, my God. Yeah, she's ballsy.

1234.089 - 1235.772 Monica Patman

You know, that's New York real estate.

Chapter 5: What was the roommate's alarming behavior?

1546.864 - 1566.48 Brittany

Never fun to have to like suddenly find a roommate, but we live in a pretty desirable area. We haven't really had issues finding roommates in the past. So we post an ad on Craigslist. I know there's lots of horror stories about that, but that's actually how I found the room. That's how we've been doing it for years. Never really had any issues. I've found some good fits. So we interview someone.

0

1566.641 - 1569.73 Brittany

Let's call her Jamie. I actually go to where she's living.

0

1569.777 - 1571.179 Dax Shepard

Well, that's very proactive of you.

0

1571.199 - 1572.12 Monica Patman

Yeah, this was smart.

0

1572.221 - 1589.707 Brittany

I meet one of her friends. We talk. Seems like a good enough fit. When can you move in? So she comes in. The first couple of weeks are going really well. She's very clean. She'd like cook for us and share food. Great roommate perks. Can't ask for much more. She does talk a lot. It becomes clear that she's going through a breakup. She's grieving that.

1589.987 - 1599.762 Brittany

Kind of taking a toll on her mental health, which I totally understand. I'm trying to be supportive of her. But I also actually am a therapist for a living. I work with foster kids. Oh, my God.

1599.782 - 1600.242 Unknown

Good job.

1600.363 - 1617.408 Brittany

I couldn't be her therapist. Right. I was like, I have to set some boundaries, but also want to show up for you how I can. But also like your random, you know, trying to kind of navigate that. But again, a couple of weeks, things are going well. And then one night in the middle of the night, we get a group text. So between me, Jamie and then our other roommate.

1617.989 - 1638.846 Brittany

And she says, I've had enough of this shit. Five straight nights. I'm moving out. And I'm like racking my brain like, what is this about? Is maybe her and my other roommate having conflict I'm not privy to? I got up to pee. I was like, did I wake her up? And like, that was frustrating. Like, I have no idea. So I text my other roommate and I'm like, any idea what this is about?

Chapter 6: How did the police respond to the situation?

2002.701 - 2007.887 Dax Shepard

Yeah, you can imagine like in a psychic eval, just seeing these notes, you'd be like, yep, I see what's going on.

0

2007.907 - 2011.011 Monica Patman

Exactly, like she needs to be placed on a hold for sure.

0

2010.991 - 2018.826 Brittany

It's ranging from like, leave her alone to like, go ahead and do it. So that feels like threatening of like, you're telling him to kill me. I don't know. Oh, my God.

0

2018.846 - 2026.48 Monica Patman

It says I'll take a bullet for her. I want her to stay with us now. Oh, my God. This is very upsetting.

0

2026.5 - 2033.353 Dax Shepard

I want me to get to you. You sound like you don't stop narrating everything. Do it, asshole. Been waiting.

2033.333 - 2045.387 Brittany

And she also like was saying she was like recording us. I was talking over the story with my sister and she was like, that was the part where I was like, I don't care about COVID. I'm getting on a plane to come out. She was like, the burn notes was kind of a next level for me.

2045.668 - 2047.83 Dax Shepard

Anything and everything starts seeming possible.

2048.031 - 2067.555 Brittany

Yes. And she is like sending like kind of threatening texts. We also find out in the midst of all of this that she never paid rent. So she had told us numerous times that she had. We had been there again for like years at that point, never paid rent late. The landlord never told us until we got an eviction notice of pay or you're going to be kicked out of your home in the middle.

2067.615 - 2076.587 Brittany

And we had actually contacted them about this situation and they were like, not so helpful and never told us that we had outstanding rent. So that was just kind of an added benefit.

Chapter 7: What lessons can be learned from these roommate experiences?

2854.588 - 2857.496 Danielle

But I did get my little science baby.

0
0

2857.576 - 2860.661 Dax Shepard

My little science baby.

0

2860.681 - 2879.77 Danielle

I love that you share your process and even your process and thinking about like, do I become a single mom? Do I not? I'm a single mom by choice and it really works for me. But I think so many more young women need to have that information because I think for some people it's way too late when they start. And for me, it almost didn't work.

0

2879.75 - 2881.292 Monica Patman

Well, I'm so glad it did.

2881.572 - 2886.018 Dax Shepard

Yeah, good job, Monica. We hear that a lot. I'm so proud of my buddy. Oh, thank you.

2886.239 - 2901.039 Danielle

And I have to shout out a former client who turned me on to your podcast. She really, from day one, was talking about you guys. And it was a really fun bunch of years that we spent talking. I'm sure she'll know who she is.

2901.059 - 2903.843 Monica Patman

Oh, shout out, anonymous person.

2904.023 - 2933.201 Dax Shepard

I think anyone who gets you as a therapist is very lucky. very oh thank you it's so nice meeting you danielle thanks for chatting with us thank you it's great to meet you guys all right congrats on your science baby all right bye bye god they're nice my daily tear up in free now to be a prick the rest of the day probably first of many all right i love you Do you want to sing a tune or something?

Comments

There are no comments yet.

Please log in to write the first comment.