Armchair Anonymous: Bad Roommate II

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Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard 49 min 8 speakers 7 chapters transcribed 3 months ago
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Dax Shepard 0:00
Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Patman.
Monica Patman 0:06
Hi.
Dax Shepard 0:07
Today we have Bad Roommates Part 2. Tell us a crazy story about a bad roommate.
Monica Patman 0:14
They're everywhere, these bad roommates. You got to be careful.
Dax Shepard 0:18
You got to be careful. What I applaud and what we loved was one of our armcherries was the bad roommate.
Monica Patman 0:25
Oh, I know.

What are some crazy stories about bad roommates?

Dax Shepard 0:26
Yeah, that was great.
Monica Patman 0:27
That was.
Dax Shepard 0:28
I really like that. When we have these prompts, people, you know, we do a lot of foreign objects in body and I'd like to do way more of them. Sure. But I really want to hear from someone who had the foreign object in their body. I would too. I know that's high risk, but I feel like this is a safe place.
Monica Patman 0:42
It's high risk, low reward.
Dax Shepard 0:44
Sure.
Monica Patman 0:46
But we want it. We still want it.
Dax Shepard 0:48
No reward, maybe.
Unknown 0:49
Please enjoy Bad Roommate.
Dax Shepard 1:13
Oh, there she be.
Monica Patman 1:17
Hi.
Dax Shepard 1:18
Is this Alyssa?
Monica Patman 1:20
This is Alyssa.
Dax Shepard 1:21
Okay, your hair looks phenomenal.
Monica Patman 1:23
It really does. I just got really self-conscious.
Dax Shepard 1:27
Oh, you did because it looks so good?
Monica Patman 1:29
Yeah.
Dax Shepard 1:29
Your hair looks great, too.
Monica Patman 1:30
No, it's like not good today.
Dax Shepard 1:32
No, it's good. Don't look at it.
Alyssa 1:33
You both look great.
Dax Shepard 1:35
Alyssa, where are you?
Alyssa 1:37
I'm in Sandpoint, Idaho. Ooh.
Dax Shepard 1:39
Sandpoint, Idaho. What's the biggest city close?
Alyssa 1:43
Bocan, Washington is 30 minutes. The Upper Panhandle, I'm like an hour from Canada. Wow, you're close to a lot of things.
Dax Shepard 1:51
Close to bountiful.
Alyssa 1:53
Yes, I'm close to Montana, Washington, Canada. I don't know if you're familiar with Coral Lane, Idaho.
Dax Shepard 1:59
Sure, yeah. I'm a member of many white nationalist groups that meet up there. Oh, wonderful. Yeah, yeah. We have a couple annual rides that I attend.
Monica Patman 2:07
Maybe that's your bad roommate story.
Dax Shepard 2:11
Could be. Oh, no. Are you from there or did you move there?
Alyssa 2:14
I'm from here, yeah. I've lived in various other places, but I recently, three years ago, moved back home and I met my now partner, father of my child, soon to be husband.
Dax Shepard 2:27
Wonderful. Okay, so where does your bad roommate story take place?
Alyssa 2:30
In Spokane, actually. So there is kind of a series of stories about this person leading up to this one story that was kind of like the final straw for me. So this takes place in 2016. I was 23 at the time. I had just moved home from Portland, Oregon. I was living with my parents and I was desperate to not be living with my parents anymore. To give some context, this was a phase in my life. I had a whole head of dreadlocks. I was vegan. Oh, fun.
Dax Shepard 3:02
Were you like a Portland street kid? Were you like rolling around in the dirt with the dreads?
Alyssa 3:07
If this gives any context, the people that I hung out with were the type of people that played the didgeridoo. and did hula hoop dancing and fire staff dancing.
Dax Shepard 3:16
The didgeridoo?
Alyssa 3:17
What is this?
Dax Shepard 3:18
A hybrid. You know, it's the weird goofy.
Alyssa 3:22
I honestly don't know. It's like a big thing that you blow into and it's like tribal.
Dax Shepard 3:26
Oh, this sounds like some weird hybrid of like Rensen folks and carnival people and Grateful Dead all mashed into a very politically charged city, Portland.
Alyssa 3:37
It was a very interesting season in my life. And I was in like my whole wellness journey. So I was taking shots of apple cider vinegar every morning and that will come into play later on. Very health conscious, very natural, very crunchy. So I had moved back to my parents' house, which is in Idaho, but I had a whole friend group in Spokane only like 30 minutes away. Started dating this guy. And obviously we had like a mutual friend group. And there was a girl who was moving out of her house. She was going to go travel and she was looking for someone to take over her lease and her room. And I was going to inherit her roommate. So we seemed like we had enough in common. This is going to be great. You know, she seemed like a cool girl.
Alyssa 4:19
We had hung out a couple of times. Very quickly, I noticed this person was kind of lacking social cues, the ability to kind of understand etiquette, especially when it comes to roommates. The first thing that kind of was a red flag for me, I had just moved in. and my friends were helping me and we were going to go get some lunch. So we invited her, my new roommate, to come with us. She had asked to borrow a cardigan.

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