Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Tiki Ranger.
Oh my.
She's come to your town to clean up all the filth.
Oh my gosh, I would.
You're a sheriff.
I am.
Yeah, the original sheriff. Okay, today is crazy pet stories. And these pets, well, they say the darndest things and they do the darndest things and they take their owners along with them.
Yeah, they do.
They also bite people.
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Chapter 2: What crazy pet stories do Dax and Monica share?
There's some pet death.
Oh, sure.
And that's hard for some people. That's hard. So, yeah. But if that doesn't bother you, please enjoy Crazy Pet Stories.
Hard times come and go. Good times take them slow. Hello.
Hello.
Now, is being an acronym or someone's name?
Everybody calls me Bean. That's cute. I used to call Delta Bean and Beans. Remember?
Yeah.
And now I'm like, how do we get there?
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Chapter 3: How did the guest's childhood experiences shape their love for animals?
I had the experience. I was taking care of horses. I was riding them. I was riding them bareback. I was doing it all. Fast forward to, I think I was 10 or 11. Nobody can really know because I think that everybody blocked out this information. By the way, my mom also said, we can't get a horse because I'm allergic. But one day they sat me down.
They're like, your mom was watching the Rose Parade and she saw there's a hypoallergenic breed of a horse called a Basker Curly. And we bought one. Oh my gosh. And so as you can imagine, as an 11 year old, I'm like elated.
I'm having a hard time moving on from she told you you have an allergy. Did you not notice you had allergies when you were around these horses?
I was always fine. I think it was an excuse. Like, we're not getting on a horse because I'm allergic.
That's what I'm going for.
Munchausen's?
Wow, jumping already to Munchausen's.
I just want to throw that out there. Hannah Banana. She was a bashker curly out of New York, and she's having to take a very long journey across the country. And so my parents are like, she'll be here in a few weeks. So she gets there. She's very young. Young horses are basically puppies. We didn't have a saddle or a bridle or the reins just yet, but Hannah Banana is there.
This is not a name I gave her, by the way. This is the name she came with. And I'm like, dad, I have to get on her. I need to do the first ride. And so he's like, sure. He knows I'm experienced at this point. I've had years of riding experience. I've ridden bareback a lot. And so he gets some rope, gets some makeshift reins.
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Chapter 4: What unexpected events occurred during the guest's horse riding adventures?
And it's because of McKeever. And yeah, my dad was an alcoholic and worked all the time. And we were only there every other weekend. And this dog just got really, it was so neglected.
Just, oh. What about the wife?
They got divorced. Yeah. And my father's working theory is that the neighbors poisoned him. But he ended up dying a couple years old outside.
Oh, no.
Yes, yes. And I hate it. It's not your fault. I feel like I need to get a Newfoundland at some point in my life and really spoil the Newfoundland to make up for the McKeever thing. But to your point, I think about it once a month. I'm like, that poor dog deserved a better house.
That's sad. I'm pretty sure my mom has some of her tail hair in a bag. Oh, fuck.
And was that your last horse? Did they try it again?
Last horse. I have ridden since though, but my daughter got on a few years ago and she was two and I felt myself having like a panic.
Not that many people have said this to me, but people have definitely been concerned when like I taught Lincoln to ride a motorcycle right before her fourth birthday. And people are like, what? And I'm like,
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Chapter 5: What was the outcome of the horse's injuries?
I know everything about you. If you don't give my wife her dog back, I will hunt you down and kill you. Ha ha ha! I'm like, Ryan, you can't say that. He's like, I don't care. Yes, I love this.
I'm an Alaskan. Yeah, so I'm like, oh my God. Really quick, I'm like trying to weigh out what one's a felony, what one's a misdemeanor. Dog napping versus threatening someone's life. I know, exactly.
The cops are like, just go home. We'll send someone to talk to you. The cops show up about two hours later and they read my husband the riot act. And he's like, well, they stole her dog. And he's like, that's not a kid. You can't do this. You can't be in a high-speed chase down the road.
I just got to flag one thing. He's such a husband. He keeps referring to it as your dog. I know. Which is how I refer to our dogs. I'm like, that's Bill's and Kristen's dog. The husband doesn't care about the dog. No, he's got to keep his wife happy. That's all his job is.
He puts up with the dogs, but he doesn't care about the dog, like, ever. You know, he's like, whatever, it's your dog. Yeah. But also he's like, no, I'm not going to let someone fuck with you. Yeah. So basically, after them standing in our entryway for probably 30 minutes, just giving it to him, they kind of stopped and they didn't arrest him. And then they said, well, do you have any questions?
And I'm like, yeah, where's my dog? Exactly.
Yeah.
And the cop said, she's in the back of our squad car in the driveway. I'm like, oh, they said you can come outside and get her. And it was really sweet, too, because the cop said, I understand she's a runner. She's a skinny dog. So their defense was she's malnutrition. They don't take care of her. And he's like, no, she's just athletic. I said, you can look.
She free eats her food and water out all the time. She has access to whatever she wants. But she's a runner. She's skinny. It's just who she is. He said, I know, I understand. So anyways, yeah, I walked out into the driveway and got my dog.
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