Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Modest Mouse. Hi. Do you know Modest Mouse is going on tour this summer? And I really want to see them.
Oh, my God.
They're not coming to the West Coast.
Oh, well, do you think they'll send us some merch? Because I would really love a shirt that says that.
Modest Mouse, will you send us some merch? We should just go buy some merch. They were just here in the fall. I saw them. They were here in the fall? Yep. They did a good news tour. They're doing a southern tour. I saw Asheville's on the list. So maybe while I'm in Nashville, I can go see them somewhere. Anyways, that's not who our guest is. It's not Modest Mouse. I do love Modest Mouse.
Our guest is Nikki Glaser. This couldn't have been more fun. I am so delighted that we decided to explore Nashville.
Our history.
Our history. It was so fun. I really, really, really like her. She's a stand-up comedian, an actor, and a television host. Her credits include Nikki Glaser's Someday You'll Die. Great stand-up routine. FBoy Island. Welcome home, Nikki Glaser. Not safe with Nikki Glaser. Banging. And her tour. You can go see her right now. Live. She is coming by you. I've looked at the list.
She's going everywhere. It's a huge tour. It's called Alive and Unwell Tour. Go to NikkiGlazer.com for tickets.
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Chapter 2: How did Nikki Glaser feel about her appearance growing up?
G squared. Big event. Please enjoy Nikki Glazer.
He's an object square. In the hours and days before a podcast like this, I'm like, oh, people are just having to study me right now.
Yeah, does it make you nervous?
No, it makes me feel bad because I have imposter syndrome that I'm not good. And I'm like, he's going to know that I'm not good now.
Yeah.
If he pays too much attention, he's going to figure out that I'm a fraud.
He reads between the lines.
Yes. If you just look at the things that are posted, you're like, oh, she's talented. But if you get into it, you might like...
Let me ask you just a baseline. How nervous do you get for things? Obviously, you're brave as fuck. You go on stage. But like when you go to Stern and I'm not comparing myself to that, just what's the nerves out of 10 for Stern?
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Chapter 3: What challenges does Nikki face regarding her self-image?
And I'm thinking she's going to fuck me up hardcore. I'm sure the version she backed off of is still going to destroy my feelings. So I, hold on, this is not to make you feel guilty.
No, I hate that you were like bracing for impact.
It was more like I have to have a response that doesn't make me look like an asshole. Yeah. I've got to somehow find the humor in whatever mean thing she says about me.
Gracious loser face they call it.
Yeah, gracious. So I'm like almost practicing.
Oh.
oh god suffice to say the whole monologue every time it was about me i was like oh okay whoo so nothing happened then reality hits you and you're like of course nothing happened there's so many bigger people in this room to make a joke about why on earth would she even make one about me that's not why i didn't okay all to say you do do stern the following day and then i start seeing in the comments of our episode that day like did you hear nikki's
joke about you. And I wrote to several people, no, and I hope to never hear it. But you must know what I then crafted in my head that your joke was, they were so fucking mean. They hurt so bad because they were my deepest insecurities. And three days goes by and Kristen finally went and listened and she came in and she goes, the joke's nothing.
It's that you were going to ask everyone to be on your podcast. And I was like, oh my God, where my mind was at
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Chapter 4: How does Nikki navigate her insecurities as a comedian?
But everyone feels these things that anyone else would say. No way you are.
Well, the two things I hope that got to you were, A, I thought you did a brilliant job. Thanks. You did such a good job. And your jokes were so fucking good.
Even though you were probably blacked out during the whole thing, just waiting.
It was like waves of relief.
I know that feeling of they're going to say something about me and just waiting. You can't even hear. You're just kind of like.
I'm even self-conscious that when they go to her for her category, I'm like, this is such a rough look for me to just kind of be half in or out of the frame. Yeah, I'm like, should I bail out or should I commit fully we're here together? I don't belong there. You know, all these thoughts.
Oh, feeling like you don't belong there when you're a plus one. If it's your wife.
I can't accomplish enough to not feel that way.
A hundred percent. I was at the Grammys last night and I felt that way.
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Chapter 5: What embarrassing moment did Nikki share about performing with Usher?
It's thousands of people. And it's kind of after the show and Usher is just dancing. And so I had to do this awkward dance. And then I was like, Usher, can I just have the mic? I just need to do one thing I'm good at, which is talking into a mic.
Chapter 6: How does Nikki describe her experience on Dancing with the Stars?
So I was like, can I just say how embarrassing that just was? I got last on Dancing with the Stars. I did my Dancing with the Stars dance.
bit I always say on Dancing with the Stars I got first voted off and I say in front of my dance partner Gleb Sevchenko who is as hot as his name is disgusting and so I have my bits I wasn't trying to make it about me I was just trying to get a couple jokes in and I go everyone in the audience I want you to know what I'm feeling right now the thing you're worst at in the world that has been determined on ABC that you are terrible at and you have to do it in front of Usher and I go Machine Gun Kelly and
And I forgot Megan Fox's name. As I'm saying Machine Gun Kelly, I'm going, and it was probably to me, 20 seconds of like, what is her? And at the last second, it just Megan Fox, but it was so close. And I go, what would have happened had I not remembered? That's why I can't fucking just riff. Like I can't be trusted. It's like your life flashes before your eyes.
I'm not remembering Megan Fox's fucking name. But thankfully it came out. But one of those moments, you're always putting yourself in bad situations.
Have you though? Risky. Even last night. Yeah. How about this? I did a live show for a Formula One podcast I had. It was a disaster. We have done many, many live shows and they go great. They're so fun. We did this one in Vegas, a bunch of drunk people. No one knew who the fuck we were.
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Chapter 7: What lessons did Nikki learn from her recent corporate gig?
It was terrible. And we had to do a full hour. That's what we were hired to do. And I, at least at this age and having done enough stuff, about 10 minutes into it bombing, I go, oh, this is great. This is going to be so memorable for all of us.
That's what I learned from the corporate gig I did in October. That was the worst I've ever bombed in recent memory. Tell us that. It was more money than I've been offered for a gig ever. You know, can't turn it down kind of money.
You said that it looks like a telephone number.
It looked like a phone number. Oh, amazing.
And I was like, yeah.
And I even think I said, this doesn't seem ideal because it was for a vague hedge fund. Not even a hedge fund. It's like a group. It was like a conference for rich people to go and do fireside chats and just different activities to learn how to destroy the earth and profit from it. Sure, yeah. And it was just a bunch of media moguls.
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Chapter 8: What did Taylor Swift say to Nikki in response to her apology?
But I didn't read the fine print. I was just like, yeah. And then it shows up way sooner than I thought. It was like, oh, well, that's in October. I think I said yes to it in August. That seems forever. And then it was like the day before I hadn't done anything for it. I had shows all weekend. I just was like, I'll just write some jokes right before it. So I was underprepared for sure.
And then I'm trying to memorize all the jokes that I'm writing before. And because I saw it going bad because they sent me a picture of the setup and it's on a beach and it's in the round. People don't realize it's so important for comedy. You need a ceiling. You need dark in the room.
so people can laugh at inappropriate things and not feel like their coworkers or their peers or their wife is gonna be like, you relate to that or you think that? So they need to be in the dark. Stand-up comedy, I think, shouldn't be a surprise. I don't think anyone's ever excited about a stand-up comedian coming in. At the end of a long day, it was like 9.30 at night before the DJ.
They just wanted to get drunk and get loose. The end of the long day of all these meetings and they're like, and we have a special guest and I'm doing an hour. Comedy should really never go more than 40 minutes. And Kevin Hart's there, but he just has to do a fireside chat. I actually ran into one of the guys that was at the show at the Golden Globes party. And he was like, I was there.
Or no, he was like, I booked you. He's the guy that booked me. He's like, I want to have you back because we didn't nail it for you. It wasn't good. I'm sorry. I did the same thing. You say I want the redo for the story.
Yeah.
I told the story of this gig on Kimmel and it made it all worth it. This would have just been a thing I would never remember.
You would never be telling this story if it went well.
And I wouldn't have grown from it. Now I can accept those gigs and not have fear because I know what needs to go into them to do well. So Kevin Hart was there. I say hi to him before it and I'm like, this is going to be bad. Don't watch. He's like, no. I'm going to stay. By the end of it, he was gone. Cause I was like, let me do some Kevin Hart roast jokes. I didn't do it. The Tom Brady roast.
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