Do you constantly over-do, over-give, and over-perform to "earn your keep" in your relationships? On this episode of Ask Kati Anything, licensed marriage and family therapist Kati Morton transitions to an all-new, single-topic format to take a deep, evidence-based dive into the world of over-functioning. Through real community stories and personal reflections, Kati maps out the 6-stage cycle that leads from automatic over-giving straight into quiet resentment, eventual blowups, and toxic guilt. But this isn’t just an emotional burden. Kati shares fascinating, decades-spanning clinical research—including the concept of "unmitigated communion," a 7-year study following 1,340 couples, and a chilling 2022 medical study linking "self-silencing" directly to physical cardiovascular risks like carotid plaque. If your body is carrying what your mouth refuses to say, it is time to break the loop. Tune in to get a clear, 4-step actionable framework to practice "deliberate under-functioning," express specific needs, and tolerate the discomfort of choosing growth over chronic exhaustion. Chapters: 00:00 - A New Format for Ask Kati Anything 02:00 - What is Over-Functioning? Community Stories 04:00 - Fawning, People-Pleasing, and the Need to Feel Safe 07:40 - Earning Love: Kati’s Personal Story with Perfectionism 11:50 - The 6 Rungs of the Over-Functioning Cycle 22:02 - Episode sponsor message: BiOptimizers Magnesium Breakthrough - go to https://bioptimizers.com/kati and use code KATI for 15% off your entire order Plus a Free bottle of Masszymes 23:34 - Unmitigated Communion: When the Self Disappears 30:23 - The Relationship Trap: 7-Year Study of 1,340 Couples 35:36 - The Cardiovascular Cost of Self-Silencing 38:27 - Step 1: Identify Your Current Rung 40:34 - Step 2: Deliberate Under-Functioning 45:30 - Step 3: Make a Single, Specific Ask 49:15 - Step 4: Tolerate the Discomfort (Data vs. Danger) 52:43 - Next Week's Preview: Understanding Health Insurance Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it, leave your questions for next week's topic in the comments, and don't forget to subscribe! Books Why Do I Keep Doing This? https://geni.us/XoyLSQ Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY ONLINE THERAPY (enjoy 10% off your first month) While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati PARTNERSHIPS Nick Freeman | [email protected] Disclaimer The information provided in this video is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or mental health advice. It should not be used to diagnose or treat any health problem or disease. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for diagnosis and treatment. Viewing this content does not establish a therapist-client relationship. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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“What did the council decide on item 42?” — answered with the speaker and the moment.

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