Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.
Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
I am so excited to share my debut book with you all, Start With Yourself, which is available now. You might have seen the headlines. You might have seen the social. But this book is exactly what I intended, a conversation that will make you think. And it's a blueprint for anyone who wants success without the toxic positivity. Start With Yourself is about self-reliance.
leadership because wherever I go, women ask me how I got to where I am. But what you really want to know is how you can get there. So I'm doing what I do best, sharing and never gatekeeping what's worked for me in the hope that you can borrow from a philosophy that has served me so well. The truth is I'm not an expert. I've just lived it. I've made the mistakes.
I've had the failures and I've learned what actually works. It takes a lot. It takes the most. And this book is for anyone who's tired of feeling like a passenger in their own life. It's about taking responsibility for your thinking, managing your emotions and getting clear on your ideas and then knowing your next step.
It's about picking yourself up after failure, being accountable, but also forgiving yourself, pushing for wins and never, ever apologising for your ambition. It's also about challenging the rules that you've been told. There is no perfect time. Balance isn't the goal. Alignment is. And there's nothing wrong with you wanting more.
I'm precisely sure that the reason I've been so successful is so I can share it with you. Start with yourself. My debut book is available now. Visit emagreed.com to purchase the book.
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Chapter 2: What does 'playing small' mean and how can it affect your life?
Also available on Amazon, your favorite audio platforms, and all good bookshops. So today we're speaking to Tara Moore, who is an expert in women's leadership and wellness. She wrote an incredible book called Playing Big, and her work really centers around so many of the themes that I've written about in Start With Yourself. Today, she's giving us an absolute free game masterclass
in so many things that you will find familiar that come up in your work and your life all the time. I cannot wait for you guys to sit and listen to this conversation. We talk about fear and guilt and leadership and all of the things that hold us back or happen in our minds and our bodies. And let me tell you, she is about to let you discover your inner mentor, your love, love, love this episode.
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That's C-Y-M-B-I-O-T-I-K-A dot com slash aspire for 20% off plus free shipping. The Start With Yourself Tour kicks off on April 15th in New York City. Tickets are on sale now at emagreed.com. Tara, welcome to Aspire. Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. Honestly, I'm so happy to have you here. And the timing couldn't be more perfect.
You wrote a book 10 years ago that to me is just such an important piece of work, not just for women, but for so many people to understand how we block ourselves, how we can be filled with fear. And I felt like your book was just really an eye-opener.
So I am just excited to sit down and to delve in with you a little bit today and talk about some things that perhaps we don't spend enough time examining and talking about in our own life. Thank you. I'm so excited for your book because it's all about starting with yourself. It's always about starting out with yourself.
You can't do anything and think about things externally until you've really examined yourself. And I feel like in your book, Playing Big, you talk about what playing small looks like in real life. And so for anyone sitting at home, will you just explain to us and describe, if you haven't heard that term, what you mean by that?
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Chapter 3: How can you identify and manage your inner critic?
Well, I think school is not our friend here on that particular issue.
Because it's ingrained into us that you should have a different start.
That basically you are going to prepare to be ready to do things for 20 years. And the whole emphasis of school, there's a lot of, you need years and years and years of preparation to be able to make a contribution. But because the way our psyches work, we don't actually graduate and then feel ready. We've just internalized that message for 20 years. So that's a big part of it.
Another part of it is just that it's often terrifying to do what we most really want to do. And we're looking for any excuse. And so I'm not ready is like a nice vague one that we can always use.
I mean, it's really interesting because I feel like for so many women, they are working hard and showing up and delivering and still not stepping forward, you know, still not putting themselves in the right situation to be able to take advantage of whatever might be next, because it's just so much going on that actually we're stopping ourselves from doing.
Do you believe in that idea of like, we just have to get out of our own way? Is it that easy? Is it ever that easy?
Well, I would say it with a lot of compassion because it can be quick to go from there to kind of like, well, what's wrong with us? And everything that women are doing around feeling self-doubt or trying to stay safe has a really good reason, right? So we have to remember, we're still getting a lot of messages saying,
all kinds of cues from the culture that somehow women aren't really leaders or we're not quite qualified or the right fit. And a lot of us have absorbed those messages. So I feel like I'm working with the inner legacy of our history. And so in that sense, it's not just like we are in our own way. It's more to me like this is a really interesting transitional moment in history.
where we're coming out of a past, right? Where women didn't have financial power, legal protection, political power, the opportunity to lead in so many ways. And that left a very strong imprint in our psyche as well as in our world. And now we all have this strange, like, unlearning to do. Like, how... I say strange in the sense of, like, how do we do that?
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Chapter 4: What are the two types of fear and how do they impact decision-making?
And then for 20% of women, it's both, right? So those women are like, where do you want me to be?
In limbo land, totally. Totally.
So there's all those, yeah, all those projections put on us. And there's a lot of, you know, the other piece we often don't talk about enough, I think, with the kind of feedback women get at work is that the research shows that feedback is much more personality driven than it is for men. Oh, shit. Is it really? Yes. This is actually documented.
Kieran Snyder did a great study looking at performance reviews in corporate and tech companies. And first of all, women were getting more negative feedback than men. But when they got negative feedback, 70% of the time, it involved some kind of criticism of their personality. And for men, that number was 2%. Wow, that's extraordinary. What a gap. It is a huge gap.
And so then, again, we don't have to wonder, why does feedback feel a little scary to us? Well, it's often more personal. Because it's personal. it's kind of shaming, right? Like that is a shaming thing to say you're too abrasive, you're too aggressive. That for most women, oh my gosh, we're like out here trying to be relational and kind and also get something done at the same time.
It's already impossible.
It's a massive takeout for anybody listening. And actually it's even made me think If you're in a position of power, if you're in a position of leadership, thinking about how you assess the men in your organization versus how you assess the women and how much of it is personality driven, that is a moment to take a step back and go, what is happening? And are we okay with that?
Because even as you say it, the 70% to the 2%, that's insane. It's literally not okay. And so I would say to everyone to just stop for a moment and really look at that because that's a statistic that you just could not. I mean, if that was happening in any of my companies, I would be mortified. Mortified. Yeah.
Because again, if that's the message and the signal that we're giving to women, we're essentially saying, you know what? You need to be a people pleaser to get ahead in this organization. You need to be likable. And to me, who is like the most results orientated person ever, it's like, I don't want a bunch of assholes running around in my office.
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Chapter 5: How can guilt influence our ambitions and decisions?
I'm not. You get to discover her. She's real. Oh, she's there.
She's coming.
This is not something we make with our minds. Your oak tree is there. Okay. So we can even do, do you want to do it right now?
Come on.
Yeah, I definitely do. Yeah, we can close our eyes and you can just imagine a beautiful place, beautiful, calm place in nature. And you can take a few deep breaths and just let your body really relax. And then you can notice that in this beautiful place, your older, wiser self is coming to greet you. And she's so happy that you came to visit. And you can just take in her presence.
And notice if she has anything she wants you to know right now. And if there's anything she wants to give you to take back with you today. And then when you're ready, you can Give your fingers and toes a little wiggle and open your eyes.
So before we wrap, a quick reminder that Start With Yourself is available and tickets for the live shows are available now. Starting April 15th, we're coming to New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, DC, Boston, Atlanta, and London. Visit emigreed.com for tickets and full tour details. I cannot wait.
So I gave you the very short version because I know you're already very connected. And I thought, I could tap straight in.
She can do this without the 20 minutes. I saw her. I have her. Yes, you have her. She's like Diane von Furstenberg and Maya Angelou and Martha Stewart and Oprah. And she's together, but she's me. But she's you, yeah. And she's like, she's there. Yes, yes. But first of all, one of the things like in the beginning of the conversation,
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