When alignment leads to disappointment- this is how to keep going with certainty and not more blind faith/hope. I also hit on performative masculinity, performative stress, and handling the dynamic of a friend who continues to go back to a toxic relationship and how to stop being impacted by it. Substack: https://substack.com/@leoskepi?utm_so... Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/leoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi Merch: https://leoskepicollection.com My App Positive Focus: (Apple) https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311 (Google) https://play.google.com/store/apps/detailsid=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1 Business Inquiries: [email protected]
Chapter 1: What personal insights does LeoSkepi share about his new interest in wine?
Hi, friends. Change of drink over here on the side. I got a little piece of wine. I got into the wine thing recently. I never understood it my whole life. I'm like, what is this obsession people have with wine? I don't get it. If we're drinking, let's get drunk. I'd rather take a shot than drink all this liquid. I guess I grew into it. I'm 27 now. I like the wine thing. It's nice.
but hello hi friends i have a lot to talk about this week my soul's real chatty there's so much that's been happening and like unlocking i have a story about a house that i went to tour by accident and the amount of synchronicities that lined up you're gonna gag i'm gonna talk about like how i trust my soul and hear it and like the things that line up with it too and also like disappointments because it didn't go how i thought it was gonna win but we'll get there ah okay what do we want to hit first
Chapter 2: How does LeoSkepi describe performative masculinity and its impact?
Let's say performative personalities. That's something that's been irking the hell out of me is especially performative masculinity. But people's personalities and when they're being performative, it's one of the most like, what is it called? Off-putting. And like, it's the thing that makes me want to push people away the most is when I see you performing.
And with performative masculinity, that is running rampant in society and and I wanna bash my head into the wall. Like, it's not that bad. I wanna bash their head into the wall. But for me, my whole life, I think it might have to do with being gay, and I know a lot of gay people will relate to this, and especially women.
All women will understand this and get it, but I've always felt weird around men. There's only been a couple of men who I've felt comfortable around, but the whole performative masculinity thing, I see it and the way that it's been breaking down in my mind is it relates to the whole thing of like me having a little spiritual experience of a partner that I'm supposed to meet, a guy.
I talked about it in the last episode. You need to watch these in order because shit's nuts. But since opening up to a relationship, not that I've met the guy, but like opening up to the possibility of a relationship, the type of guy that I'm going to need is masculine, like truly masculine, not masculine where he's performing it. That's the type thing that makes me feel very uncomfortable.
And it's like that fragile sense of a man where you feel like you have to dole yourself or like pull back and draw back. And that's how it feels like for me personally. I always get weird around men. Well, I used to. And I always thought it was about being gay. And it's not. Straight men are supposed to be the more masculine ones. In every situation.
That's the way everybody just kind of assumes it's going to go. I'm the opposite of that. I'm always the more masculine one. Even though I'll siss it up. But you make a joke. Make a hee hee ha ha. Anytime I'm around men. It's so obvious. And it's not just that I look and am built a certain way. That's part of it. I'm 6'7". I'm muscular. I'm a fucking asshole.
And everybody feels safe with me because they know I'll protect them physically. Financially, I pay for my girls. When I'm out with my girlfriends, they don't pay for nothing. I make men feel very, very threatened because I'm gay, right? But I do not let my responsibilities as a man slip or fall. And that is the mind fuck. And it's always caused this weird like...
dynamic with other men it's like i always felt so uncomfortable and had to dim myself down or like dull it down a little bit or at times i felt like in the past years ago i would have to like siss it up extra so they felt less intimidated or would be less weird but the reason when i say dull it down is My issue with masculinity is always because of a connection that I have.
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Chapter 3: What is LeoSkepi's experience with masculinity and male dynamics?
So like with my mom, for my stepdad, for me to have any kind of challenge present in him, for him to feel challenged by me at all was a threat to my connection with my mom. I had to stay in good standing with every man because I was close with women. Like with my sister, certain relationships she's in, it's just a weird thing between men.
And I would always feel like I had to dial things back because when I show up and there's men in the room, if you're cool with me, we're going to be the best of buds, bro. bro, we gonna have like the best time. If you're someone who is performatively masculine, you will feel naked. And people start doing all kind of weird shits around me. Like they start trying to overplay themselves.
Like they talk about how much money they make. They try and like do the whole over-masculinization thing and like try and be like having a physical altercation. You're gonna lose, okay? And I always felt like I had to like dial it back and protect myself
the situation from going there because if it ever came to a point of like a challenge actually was gonna happen, it would impact my relationship with the woman that I cared about. Friends, my sister, my mom, any woman in my life. I've always felt like I have to like, do this weird fucking dance with the men in my life because there's so many people who are performatively masculine.
And when you have someone who's truly with the shit in front of you, it like flares that up and they start acting real weird. My whole life, I've always heard, I don't know why they act like that around you. It's just a thing. I don't know how else to word it, but it's just the performative shit is kind of how it makes sense in my brain. It's not my fault you're insecure and acting weird.
And I'm no longer bending myself and, like, wavering because that's what's going to block me from meeting the guy I'm supposed to meet. And I notice, like, my energy shifts as soon as a man walks into the room. Like, a straight guy, whenever they walk into the room, I always think their energy's weird. Mine shifts. And I've started to notice it.
Like, as I've woken up to my body, I'll either tense up because, like, I'm ready and not tense up like I'm ready to fight. But, like... It's like a weird dominance thing with men. And a lot of women do not understand that this goes on, especially with straight men. Men have a weird thing with respect.
And anyone who knows anything about prison has dealt with a felon, has dealt with anybody who's been to prison. They can explain this to you better. With men, there is an unspoken underlying form of communication where you are kind of big dick in each other and nobody knows. It's clear in front of everybody's face.
When it comes to the handshake, when you meet somebody, when it comes to the eye contact, when it comes to watching your movements and the way that you do, we're sizing each other up. That's how it is. That's just, there's a whole other nature and aside to this. And people don't know about it. And I never hear people talk about it.
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Chapter 4: How does LeoSkepi explain the unspoken communication between men?
And I don't think anyone else can talk about it besides men. But I don't think men know how to explain that. Because... Men who are like having podcasts and men who are like spiritual are usually pussy. They can't hang in that dynamic. They don't have the strength and like the wherewithal and the knowledge to talk like that. It's a whole hidden communication between real men.
Like actually masculine men have that weird dynamic and performatively masculine men are too obvious about it. It's like, there's so many situations. I don't know why I want to keep talking about this, but there's so many situations where like, you'll do that thing with a guy. Like when I meet you, we see who's going to break first.
It's like, who's going to hold eye contact longer or who's going to size who up. And when you meet someone who's actually masculine as a man, you're we'll do the thing where you like have that unsmoking communication. And then if you match each other and neither of you bend, it's usually like a little, like you smile and you throw your head up.
It's like an acknowledgement where you do your head down of like, bitch, I see you. Like we respect each other. You know what I mean? The fragile ones would want to turn it into an issue. But when you truly meet somebody who's like with it, It's different. And it's just like a respect thing. And then you could become like best friends. Like all my friends who are like that, it started like that.
It's got to come with respect though. Cause even though I'm gay, I'll still mop the floor with you and I'll still pay for your bitch. So that's a weird dynamic. I'm not disrespectful about it, but I want to talk about this because all gay men feel very, very uncomfortable, uh, around straight men. And there's a big thing going on with my social media.
It's like straight men have found me and they love me. And they're like, why the fuck do I love this guy? It's because I make them feel safe. When you can allow a man to not have to perform masculinity, That's when they relax and feel safe. They're safe to like me and they know it because, like I said, I'm more of a man than most men.
Just because I'm gay don't mean my responsibilities as a man fall. I'm Albanian. I'm old school. My values and morals are going to stay like that. And... When people who have to perform masculinity are around someone like me who don't give a damn. Like, we're going to be who we're going to be. We're going to hang out. We're going to talk shit. You can sit up with me. You can relax around me.
And you're not my type. Like, I'm not into the type of people who like me that are straight. And I mean the ones that are performative with the masculinity shit. But that's the thing. I've been noticing it and observing it. I need to take a sip of my wine. It's just sitting here. But the thing that made me think of that, not me chugging it by accident.
The thing that made me think about the whole performative masculinity thing is someone in my last episode commented performative stress. And I was like, wait, gag. That's so funny. Cause like we stress ourselves out and it's just performative. Like you have to convince other people you're stressed out or you have to convince yourself that you're stressed out. So you feel productive. A
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Chapter 5: What is performative stress and performative victimhood according to LeoSkepi?
Or Fiona, it could be a guy, it could be a girl, who cares? Fiona's over here in a toxic relationship. We're all three friends. Me and you are over here watching this shit be so awful. And she comes to us about her problems. She is always talking about how bad it is, but how much she loves this person she's with. So she just keeps going back.
And every time she goes back, she gets hurt, and then we have to pick her up and be there for her. Her sense of connection to us is to do with being the damsel in distress. So, Miss Fiona over here. It's like Fiona keeps running into the deep end of the pool and she don't know how to swim. And me and you are sitting here. We trying to have a beach day. We trying to relax. We trying to tan.
We trying to have a good time. Me, you, and Fiona. And Fiona's dumb ass keeps running to the pool. As soon as we don't have our eyes on her, she goes running to the pool. Because what happens? We come running after her to save her. Or if she jumps in, we jump in and get her. And we save her. Okay. The level of exhaustion it takes for me and you to have somebody like Fiona in our life.
This is like an incessant, very draining dynamic. This person, Fiona over here, she knows don't go in the water. She knows it. Let's say she's allergic to the fucking water, whatever it is, because to say, oh, you can just learn how to swim. No, she's allergic to this water. Every time she gets in it, she don't know how to swim and it gives her hives, okay?
Chapter 6: How should friends handle a loved one stuck in a toxic relationship?
She just keeps running into this dam pool. I just love it so bad, you guys, you have no clue. And me and you over here sitting here, We cannot relax while Fiona is in our life. While we love Fiona and care about her, we cannot relax because anytime we sit down at this little pool, anytime we do not have our attention 100% on her, she's throwing herself back into danger.
Now, the dynamic with somebody like Fiona is going to flip because... We're going to be constantly running to save her, trying to talk to her. This is why you shouldn't go back. This is why you shouldn't go jump in and why do you feel now? Why do you keep going? We could sit here and talk to her blue in the face. We're going to be there for her. We're going to go save her.
And she's getting a big sense of connection. She's getting a weird childhood wound parented by having somebody like us look after her because we're our attention is on her 24 seven. And she takes it as the reassurance that we love her. A lot of people get caught up in these dynamics and I've been in them before.
And I want to give this example so cutthroat and just straight up because people need to quit with this shit. So somebody like Fiona, going back to this water, going back to this toxic relationship or whatever the hell she's doing, she knows she don't need to be doing. She's allergic to water, keeps running back to it. Me and you are going to get so fed up one day because we cannot live our life.
We can't enjoy anything because our attention is stolen by Fiona. She's a liability. And our love for her will turn to frustration and just like annoyance because we're like, no matter what we do, we could chain this bitch down to this tanning chair and she's still going to bite her way through and go jump in the water. We don't get a minute to relax.
Fiona's way of feeling connected to us destroys us and ruins our entire life. So there's going to come a day where we say, you know what, Fiona? Jump in. And we're going to throw our hands up. And that's the day Fiona is going to walk up to the edge of that pool, look back, and be like, wait. Nobody's coming to save me from hurting myself. Nobody's coming to... Wait, what?
Her sense of connection will be severed and she ain't gonna jump back in that fucking pool. People play stupid like they don't know what they're doing. Fiona got a lot more out of that whole dynamic of jumping back into the toxic relationship and jumping back into that deep end of the pool of the water she's allergic to than just going into that. She didn't love that water.
She didn't love that relationship. She loved how connected she felt and how looked after and safe she felt. when we had our full attention on her to protect her from it. That performative victim shit, I can't stand it. And anybody, if you notice and you can recognize, oh my God, I'm doing that, don't do that because it will make people hate you. Like, the love will turn to hate.
Because we can't rest, we can't relax. And you taking your parental issues and trying to make other people parent you and look after you is not fair, okay? So if you notice you do that, cut the shit out. And if you notice you're someone in this analogy sitting next to me and we gotta deal with this person, let them go. Because they're not stupid. That's the biggest thing to get. They'll wake up.
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Chapter 7: What is the story behind LeoSkepi's accidental house tour and the synchronicities involved?
That's their way of feeling loved. And it's not their fault because that's something that they've learned and it's probably subconscious. But I just wanted to talk about this because everybody deals with friends or family members in dumbass relationships where they just keep going back. You just got to take the leash off. It's like trying to hold back a dog who just keeps trying to run.
You got to just let it go. You got to see... Your life is spent just resisting them and holding them back. If they want it so fucking bad, let them go. I'm not saying go let your dog run off, but you get my point of the analogy. This is about people going and doing shit that you can't protect them from because they just want to do it. But I just want to talk about that from the friendship dynamic.
This is exhausting and it's not your responsibility. So if you got a friend like Fiona, let the bitch jump in the pool. I'll be sitting right here with you. We'll be having some wine. We'll be laughing because she's going to jump right back out. Be like, what the hell, guys? What? What? I'll be like, what? You learned your lesson this time? Cool. Come sit down. Okay.
Chapter 8: What are LeoSkepi’s preferences and impressions about his dream house?
Now let's talk about the house story. The amount of synchronicities about this whole situation is absolutely insane. So I talked about the whole thing with the performance of masculinity. That kind of came to my head after the whole dynamic with like... I believe that the guy out there... There's a guy out there for me that exists. Perfect for me. No, you can't have him. I kill you over him.
But I trust that... A guy out there for me does exist and we gonna meet, okay? I can feel it. And that's when any block that I have to it is coming up. So like the masculinity thing, I can't bend my energy because I gotta meet him in who I am. He's gonna love me for who I am. I'm gonna love him for who he is. We can't be doing that whole like energy shifting, energy dance, okay?
We gotta show up straight up how we are and that's what it's gonna be. So... With that, I have been like open to things happening and kind of listening to my soul. And this little motherfucker has been taking me on some wild rides. But it's kind of cool because every limiting belief is cracking itself like an egg. It's just like they're all cracking and dropping out. I'm like, okay, cool.
So other day, I spent the day as the version of myself who... Has a certain amount of money in his bank account. And I was like, okay, if I was Leo with this amount of money, what would I be doing? And I was looking around my house now and I was like, I will be looking for a new house. So I get online.
I have my old like login to this website from my old realtor where I can go in and see all the houses nobody else can see. So I go on this website and I just put on some music and I'm just like in my bed perusing these little houses. And I'm like, I don't know why I'm looking for houses, but okay. And then I find this one house. It is the most me house I've ever seen in my life.
I went to the Versace Mansion for my birthday. It is my own version of the Versace Mansion because the Versace Mansion, I love the vibe of it. I love the detail and everything. But it's all like brown wood and like a more Roman look. I like a little bit more Gothic and black wood, but still like...
um glam like opulent like the old school shits i like that vibe like a castle and so i find this house all the trim of the fucking house is black all of the wood accents are black wood the whole kitchen black marble kitchen but not this modern shit where everything's square and like
kim kardashian's house i don't like that vibe i like it for other people cool it's pretty to look at i don't feel comfortable i feel like i can't fart i feel like i can't even like be a human being in a house like that like god forbid i spill something oh my god i feel like i can't live in it i like a house where i can relax a little you know i like the 90s 80s 70s houses but like sickening so this house is 1.2 million dollars
I don't know who I think I am over here. Like looking at a $1.2 million house. But I was like, you know what? The Leo with this amount of money in his bank account that I'm trying to like line up with. Yeah. He would afford that. He would like to go look at this house. So I was like, you know what? Let me go text my realtor and go see the house.
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