73. Fixation Is Rooted In The Fantasy Of Relief
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Fuck. Perit Annet Ohi fiilise, näet kaikki tututtaa. Annet tunteen sojahtaa. Hetken, jos maailmat kohtaa, kun kaikki etsii omaa paikkaa. Korke alvis yhtä aikaa, ja päällä voisin viime, missä kaikki kohtaa. Tämä on mausta kieltäytyjen tiedotus. Seuraavien tuotteiden on havaittu kannustuvan yksilöllisiin makuvalintoihin. Tampar, Pannari, tamparit, lemmarit, tenaril termaril, limppari, köötit ja piparit alkari. Ja vaikka hoolittomat palkkari, ponarit, nekkarit, ripsorit, sekkarit, kaikki sulle emparit suuntana sitari. Sinulla on makua. Sittari hoitaa. Sittari hoitaa. Harjoitukset jatkuvat.
Okay. This is about to be real interesting. Well, for me at least. I've been thinking this is real cool to learn about and like understand the whole topic of fixating on things and wanting clarity. Ooh. It's uh it's annoying, honestly, how this is kind of like kicked back into like the topic of self-love. What a bitch. So the whole topic of fixating, yeah, I've been real like caught up on. Wanting clarity. Like this has been driving me nuts. I've been journaling, writing like at least a hundred pages a week. I keep going through like notebook inserts because I just I'm just having so much fun. Like sitting with myself. And I what I thought was a lot of sitting with myself to understand myself was secret motive, trying to find clarity and like pull it out of myself.
But I noticed about my personal Personality, I fixate on things, and that's all I've known how to do. And I see it as kind of like an adaptation thing. Like you learn how to adapt to things in life. And if I don't understand something, I fixate on it. But I feel like I've been in a period where I'm stuck in a standstill, where I feel like I need a sense of clarity of like what the next steps are for me to take in life. I feel a big sense of freedom right now that I'm getting antsy about because it has an end to it. Like there's gonna come a moment where I have to get back into having goals and working on things. Like my tank tops are done. I just haven't released them yet. Like I've perfected them. I got them made and I ordered like the minimum order quantity.
So I got the book shipment in and I've had it in for a minute. And I took 30 packs for myself. So I have 90 tank tops. And I've just been happy with them. Like, just enjoying them, having them nice. Like, I finally made the perfect tank top and I have it, I'm wearing it, and I'm like happy. And I'm like, hey, asshole, you need to drop them, you need to sell them. And I've been trying to get myself to do it. But like, I just I feel like I need this clarity around like the whole point of doing a photo shoot. And launching them and talking about them and being on social media and like promoting the shit. Yeah. But it's like, I just can't get myself to. Get back into the whole charade of it. Like I'm happy as hell with my tank tops.
Like I have packs ready to go, ready to sell. And I cannot get myself to fucking do it. Because I got a problem with fixating. I fixate on things and I have this unhealthy obsession with shit. Anytime I have a goal in my life, it consumes me fully. And And that's what I discovered when I was like, okay, I keep wanting this. I fixated on having clarity. I want clarity so goddamn bad. I need to know what next steps to take. And it's like I can see. Steps to take that are very obvious, like with the tank tops. I know how to fucking do it. I know how to launch a product. But I'm over here just like I need clarity. And I got fed up with it. So then I looked at myself and I'm like, okay, who is the one that needs clarity?
And oh my god, he has a voice. And he started talking to me, little motherfucker. Not like schizophrenic. If you get what I'm talking about, you get what I'm talking about with the parts work day. So the part of me that was so desperate looking for clarity is the part of me that is excited to be lost again. So there's an aspect of me that only knows how to go into things and dissolve. Like when I have a goal for something, every single Becomes that. It becomes reaching that goal.
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