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Backstage with Cooper & Matty Johns

Just a Little Stern Talking To…

07 May 2026

Transcription

Chapter 1: What chaos does Matty bring to the podcast?

0.031 - 5.607 Matty Johns

And welcome to the John's Family Podcast for another week. How are we all? Everyone well? Good, how are you? How's your back, Matt?

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Chapter 2: What bizarre sci-fi debates are discussed?

5.768 - 9.659 Unknown

Everyone's been worried about you. I know. And rightfully so.

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Chapter 3: How is Mother's Day celebrated in the episode?

10.1 - 31.437 Unknown

Now it's coming good. You know what, Trishy? I finally get like... Because you're so ruthless with Dad when he has stuff and you're like, he's such a hypochondriac. I finally get why. Because you would have had a lifetime of this shit. You think? Because for like three days, Dad was just... I had to drive him places and he was just so... It was like he might never walk the same again.

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31.497 - 35.903 Unknown

And then, Jack, what did you see him doing two days later after he started to recover?

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Chapter 4: What are the highlights of the Magic Round stand-up segment?

35.963 - 38.987 Cooper Johns

Probably 36 hours later, he was bench pressing in the gym.

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39.448 - 59.209 Unknown

Well, after he had his back surgery, I actually... rang his surgeon because he wasn't supposed to be in the gym for like six weeks after and after about three or four weeks I called him in there. Put him in there like doing what? What was he doing in there? I said, you're going to have to speak to him because he's not listening to me.

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59.429 - 64.394 Matty Johns

I spoke to Dr. Stalin at the time. What was he, a dictator?

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Chapter 5: What film nostalgia is shared by the crew?

64.454 - 83.093 Matty Johns

No, Dr. Stuhl, a champion guy, really, and a great surgeon. What he did with the back was fantastic. So I just dropped my phone and my pride. But, yeah, and he said to me, he said, he goes, Matty, he goes, I actually am encouraged when people find themselves getting back in the gym earlier. It means I've done a good job.

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83.157 - 84.418 Unknown

There's no way he said that.

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84.438 - 86.04 Matty Johns

Yeah, he's saying like within a week.

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86.56 - 98.493 Unknown

No, he didn't word it that way exactly, Matthew. What we're saying is that next time you do hurt yourself, stop being such a sook because you make everyone feel sorry for you and then you're like, oh, and then you're just in the gym anyway.

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Chapter 6: What is the Mother's Day quiz about?

98.673 - 101.656 Unknown

Do you know how much pain I was in? Have you got any idea?

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Chapter 7: How do the hosts approach NRL tipping for the week?

101.676 - 117.475 Unknown

Have you ever had a child? Stop bitching and whinging. Childbirth is so overrated. I will stick up for Dad here in the sense where – Like we know what childbirth feels like in the sense where we've been kicked in the nuts and stuff. Even more than that, Kurt.

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Chapter 8: What details are revealed about the LIVE SHOW prize contest?

117.495 - 134.198 Matty Johns

Yeah, nah. I remember once coming off the surgery we were just talking about. I had to take Endone and I got constipated and I had to punch one hour once and it took me, I reckon, 30 minutes. I felt like asking for an epidural. For me, I reckon that was probably worse than childbirth. I've got a theory. No, well.

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134.218 - 150.39 Unknown

I've got a theory. I've got a theory, and someone at the pub told me this the other day, and I think it's, and I'm sorry to make it, you know, about poo and that, but I feel like it's actually a very smart analogy, right? So our bums, the way they work. Yep.

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150.86 - 158.952 Unknown

So, you know, obviously we eat and then it goes through to the small intestine and it sits there just waiting to get to its end goal, which is the toilet, right?

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159.132 - 163.679 Cooper Johns

I thought, where's the large intestine sit? Is it before or after the small?

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163.699 - 174.215 Matty Johns

The small intestine is the most important organ in the whole body. And before it gets down and sits, it's got like little trees that grab on the receptors and will feed the nutrients to the central nervous system.

174.235 - 176.158 Cooper Johns

I reckon the brain and heart are pretty important though.

176.138 - 176.999 Matty Johns

Yeah.

177.339 - 200.202 Unknown

Jesus, I'm surrounded by freaking geniuses. The brain is just a data center. I just want to say that whether it's small intestine or large intestine, Jack, that detail doesn't matter in the story, right? Sorry. So don't bog down in it. But at the end of the day, the feces wants to get to its end goal, which is the toilet. Just out. But it wants to get to the toilet, right?

200.502 - 220.669 Unknown

To them, the toilet is like a nightclub and our assholes are like a bouncer. our assholes are essentially just a bouncer checking IDs of the poo to get to the nightclub I would say the sphincter is more like even the bouncer yeah I'd say like your ass lips I wouldn't say the like you know Yeah, I know, but it's just someone said that to me at the pub on Friday.

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