"Where's the F**k'n Prawn Toast?"
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What birthday and family catch-ups kick off the episode?
What a magical week.
Magical.
Magical.
Magical. It is the birthday week of none other than Patricia and Matthew. Was it last week? It was my birthday. Now... The supplementaries. Congratulations. How old are you, Dad? 55. Trish, how old are you? Don't be so rude. 56.
Matt, don't be so rude. Her pelvic floor is just... Every time she giggles, there's just urine running down her leg.
No, I just want to sneeze.
Is it sneezed?
Does it really?
Cough, sneeze. What is that?
Is that just age? Is it like menstruation? No, Dad.
Call urine.
You see oftentimes people do the city surf. Remember, ladies do the city surf. It affects the pelvic floor. Oftentimes they urinate. Anyway, let's not go there. But anyway, it's a common occurrence.
And poor Luigi, he was de-sexed yesterday.
He was.
That's his university.
27th my birthday, 28th Luigi's de-sexed, 29th Trisha's birthday.
Don't do us a favour. All three painful. Paul, you've been doing that a lot. You put the mic under your chin. Yeah, right. Why do you do that? I just do it.
Sorry, he's a bit more professional than you, brother. But that's not where you put it. Well, according to the way you were taught.
How are we?
By a now defunct show, I might add.
Yeah, I agree with Trish's logic. Could I just say something straight off the bat here? My God, it's hard to get good service. I took Trish today. Let's not talk about which restaurant it is. I took Trish today. All she ever wants is Oyster's Mornay.
I've still been waiting for them from Mother's Day, remember? I took them to a place.
We found a place in Oysters Mornay. I must say the service was horrendous. It was so bad, right? The person coming up and Trish said, oh, we're sort of in a little bit of a rush.
Who's ringing you? That's just people ringing me. For your birthday. Turn your ringer off.
How old are you? Wow, some attention. Anyway, so what – 56 you are. So the person was coming up and honestly, the lady came up about three times and said, do you want any drinks? We were like, no, no, no, we just want the menus. The menus finally come. Then we went, disappeared again, came back. Trish goes, can we order when you're ready? She goes, oh, I'm ready. So we order, comes back. Anyway, this goes on, honestly, constant disaster. I said to Trish, we went up to pay, which should be the most straightforward part. Stuffed up there.
Yeah, about three times.
And wait for this. Wait for this, people. Doesn't this say a lot these days about service industry? Wouldn't believe it. There's the payment. And then she pointed, how much tip do you want to give me? I just went straight on to no tip.
I'm sorry. I get so awkward when a lot of places now, it's like you have to actually hit 5%. And they're staring at you.
Yeah.
Look, I don't tip them because it's Australia. But it's an awkward thing you have to do. It's not.
You know what? If it's actually good service, I am so happy to tip. Do you tip in Australia? Yeah.
You do?
I do.
Unless – I avoid it.
But you must also always check your bill. Bank account. The bill that they give you because sometimes they'll automatically put it on.
Yeah.
Automatically put gratuity.
Automatically put it on and ask you a tip on top of that.
Yeah, which is incredibly – and be careful on a public holiday or a Sunday. They'll automatically – Put a surcharge on? Yeah. And then on the grounds of that, I don't tip.
But the service today was so bad. Let it go. No, but I'm serious. When a person gets employed to do a job, honestly, they were so disinterested. Just a little thing. When she poured Trisha's water, she spilled some of it on the table. And there was no like – but you know what I mean? There was no – there was just no care in anything she did. And then at the end of Go and Pay and that stuffed up and then the audacity to say, right, how much for a tip? She's going, are you – like are you in fairyland? Are you in the land of unicorns? Rainbow land.
I have never seen you so passionate about service. And I know I get you just turned 55, so maybe it's an age thing, but I feel like all you ever complain about now is like service or problems with technology or people because you're all getting old.
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
What birthday and family catch-ups kick off the episode?
0:00–12:25
2
What happened on the private-jet Townsville trip with Uncle Joey?
12:25–22:36
3
How did a restaurant experience spark a prawn toast confrontation?
22:36–38:05
4
Why is the ‘Run Pee’ app being recommended for movie-goers?
38:05–45:46