In part 2 of this episode Elijah joins the conversation to add his sentiments into the mix and reassure Javi. Although this is an emotional conversation being able to come together as a family to share this news is definitely a silver lining. As Kail, Javi and Elijah reflect on what ultimately unified them we get a glimpse into their new dynamic. For full video episodes head to patreon.com/kaillowry and to keep update with Kail and The Chaos subscribe to her newsletter at kaillowry.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Chapter 1: How do we manage co-parenting across state lines?
To co-parent, to communicate, to relay information, because I do think that when there's an extra layer of being across state lines, you know, there's going to be times that you're going to want to call and Lincoln's out of practice or, you know, Lincoln has a doctor appointment right now. You and I know everything every time, right?
If he has an orthodontist appointment that I'm taking him to, I let you know, vice versa. If he does something with you, you let me know. Do you think that we're in a place that we would still continue to do that? Or are you afraid at any point that it might be affected?
I don't think I'm afraid that we can't do that. I don't know if afraid is not the right word. I just don't know if... You understand. I'm sure you do. And I'm sure you've thought about the complexity of how much more workload because usually I handle the sports. Hey, I'm signing up Lincoln here. Just send me half. I'll send you the schedule, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Now, a lot of times you have so much going on. You have so many outside people just work in your calendar or I need to be here. I need to be there. So now that it all falls on you.
that's what i'm worried about and not like bashing you or like saying you're not gonna be able to handle it i'm just worried maybe it's a control thing i just don't know if you understand how much is coming onto your plate without me being here and you handle the dentist all that you do all that i handle the sports and everything else on that side so i just that's all i'm worried about not that you can't handle it not that elijah can't handle it but like you were saying with the kids elijah can't go to those so it's it's
It solely falls on me.
It solely falls on you. And I thought part of my argument was you can't be at two places at once, right? So like, let's take this past weekend. Lux had soccer here. Lincoln had basketball practice here. Without me here, it's different because... But I ended up making it work. Yeah, yeah. But one kid is always going to have to sacrifice, whether it's Lux, Lincoln, Creed, when he gets older.
A kid, a child is always going to have to sacrifice because there's only one of you. And that was my argument. What I was trying to portray to you is that's why I thought it was better than me because I can be at everything.
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Chapter 2: What are our concerns about scheduling and sports?
i could i could i only have two boys two boys that are in sports and so that's just where that's where i'm honestly and then and i'm telling you that genuinely and respectfully i'm not trying to disrespect you and i'm not taking it as just yeah that's that's where i'm worried at for this next year of how it's going to go well i think the pot the good thing is that you can still look online for places to sign him up and if you do we can still operate the same way you're just not here you could just be like hey kale i saw this sign up
either sign him up or I will, and we can still operate the same way. I will make it work. I always do. And I think that when Eli first started playing sports, I remember there being, you know, a time where you were sort of conflicted there because you didn't know which kid's game to go to. And I think that that can be said for anybody with multiple children, right? Like, not just me.
I understand what you're saying in terms of, like, I have more kids, so there's more of a...
situation but i think their ages have allowed me to be in multiple places because the games are so there's so many at different times but in the same state so now that lincoln's in travel soccer we're committing to him i mean i've told you for a long time lincoln is at an age we are behind the curve so finally okay this seems like a great program i love the coach i love that he has him out there in the rain
All his games are basically in Maryland. Right. So now it's stretching you even more. And again, the custody is fine and it is what it is. We're going to have to figure it out and you're going to have to figure it out. Essentially, a lot of it's going to fall on you to get them there. I just worry that the commitment and you having to be so many different places, it's going to be a lot.
And I don't want Lincoln to feel the... What's the word? Not ramifications, but the difference that I'm not here and my mom has to be at so many different places.
And I think that I don't want to speak for you, but I'm in a place where if that was to become something, I would let you know. And I told you that when we went to mediation. If there is a point where I say I cannot do this, I have to... I mean, that's a really hard pill to swallow, I think, for any parent, but especially me because...
Let me not say especially me because there are plenty of moms who go to every single thing. But I mean, you and I had a really hard time when we stopped going to every single practice, even on, you know, our off weeks with him. Right. So that's going to be a very hard pill for me to swallow.
I feel comfortable enough with where things stand with myself and you and Lauren that I would be comfortable telling you. But, hey, this is too much. I don't know if that's any consolation to you.
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Chapter 3: How do we ensure Lincoln feels supported?
No.
This is the first time?
This is the first time I thought this was probably the best way to hear it out of both of our mouths. as opposed to going back and forth on social media.
I'm pretty sure I'm blocked, so that wouldn't have happened. But the people who follow us, I think, would message you or message me and let us know what's going on. And I do appreciate you coming on here to talk about it because I think that this further proves, if to nobody else but to Lincoln, that we're united and that we can talk about it as hard as it is.
It was hard for me because I've...
kind of chosen a more peaceful approach to my life and not you know we're not really talking about my personal stuff don't need to go on camera and talk about anything so then it was like dang if i do this it kind of opens up you know a whole nother can of worms all the trolls all the not that this stuff bothers me but it was just like i've been on such a for years now it's just been
I'm not creating any drama, I'm not part of any drama and it was nice. So it was just, I didn't know how the reaction to this would go and I guess we'll see how it is.
Because what would have been the alternative, you guys talk about it on your own social... I mean, you can't pretend that you live in Delaware, right? I think that's the part that's complicated is that you guys would have left Delaware and then people would have picked up onto it. My fear is that, I mean, regardless, they're going to come up with their own narratives.
And I think that they would have come up with their own stories. But I do think with us both sitting down and being able to talk about it here is like... there's less of a narrative to be created by other people. I mean, people will take this and run with it however they want, but what was the alternative? You guys just moving and not saying anything?
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Chapter 4: What challenges arise with moving and custody arrangements?
Yeah, it's hard to think that Lincoln won't have one of us.
But knowing that we have to have this conversation again next year, either way it goes next year, whether he decides to stay or goes with you, we still have to have this conversation again. So it's like we can get over the feelings, you know, for the time being, but we have to go through it all again next year. And that's a hard pill to swallow too, because nothing feels permanent right now.
Like even with Lincoln staying for the year, it doesn't feel permanent, doesn't feel solid, doesn't feel secure. And I think that that is really hard. And again, not that it's your fault and I don't wanna blame you because I think the military was a really, really good choice for you. And I think that you have done a great job so far and I don't see that changing anytime soon.
But when you called me and said that there is a potential that you're moving soon, right? And then we never talked about, I don't remember if you called me, whatever the case was, what last year. Um, I, we never, we didn't have a conversation about it again for months and months and months and months and months. Right. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know if I just forgot about it.
I don't know if I was like, Oh, it's not going to happen. I don't know what I was thinking, but I turned around and I bought 20 acres of land. Cause I was like, Oh, I'm going to build this house and I'm going to do, um, you know, I'm going to have a barn and we're going to move the farm and it's going to be like this great fucking thing. Um,
and so I sort of put everything on pause because, and I started looking at houses in Virginia. So it's like, I'm, I'm literally not leaving. Like Lincoln's not leaving. He's going to have 50, 50. I'm going to do whatever I have to do. Right. Like I literally person that I got on the phone, we sat on the phone for three hours going through house after house in Virginia. Cause I was like, that's it.
I'm going with, um, I don't know why I'm telling you this. Um, I think that, um, up until this point in the podcast, it's like, you know, we're, we've been pretty civil about it and we're having this adult conversation, but I don't think that it's over yet. And that's the, I think that's the hardest part. It's like, this isn't us co-parenting up to this point.
We decided what the custody is going to look like with you moving. And then it's over. I could just, it's going to keep going. And I think part of all of it is like, we feel it. And I know that once the move happens and it actually is executed and the kids are going to have questions.
Like we can answer what we can right now, but at the point, and I don't know if Eli does it, but like when I get the kids back on Sundays from Chris, the first thing they ask me is, is Lincoln home? First question. I don't get Lincoln back until Mondays. So having to think about having those conversations with them, and I'm sure on your side too, is so hard for me because
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Chapter 5: How do we navigate future conversations about Lincoln's preferences?
And, you know, you guys said you might go to this beach. I said, we already have that planned. Like if it happens to overlap, like that would be really cool, you know, and just sort of having a good relationship with you and Lauren so that you
if there are creative ways for us to overlap trips or for us to figure out more ways for them to get together and for Lincoln to see you or Lincoln to see me, you know, that we'll be able to do that.
Yeah. And I have no doubt that we'd be able to figure that out. I just also want you to...
understand and respect is that like the summer is probably all realistically Lincoln and Eli and Maisie are going to have to bond because if he's in this travel sports throughout the school year yeah my long weekends and my holidays are probably going to consist of us coming and staying in Delaware on those weekends right so a lot of the times it's not going to be
you know, yeah, we're going to meet halfway and then we're going to go back to Virginia for the weekend.
Right. Like it would be more so you coming to Delaware or you, Lauren and Maisie and Eli coming to Delaware.
And then, so, and I, and I say that to say like, so in the summers, you know, yeah, we already talked about that week. I'm sure if you want to come great. Yeah. But just know that that is my time to, Or not me, it's the three of them time to bond because they're not going to get to see Lincoln or we're going to be in hotels up in Delaware at Lauren's house.
So I just want you to understand where I'll be coming from.
I feel like we're in an okay enough place to be able to try to figure out other creative ways to get them together. Going back to my last question before Elijah comes in was, Have you been scared at all that anyone would leak this information to the media or to the public before you got a chance to speak on it?
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Chapter 6: What are our emotional responses to the upcoming move?
We don't really talk to anyone because I don't want to hear it.
Good for you. Smart way to play it. Well, I want to bring Elijah into the conversation. Bringing me back to Teen Mom. Welcome to Barely Famous, Elijah Scott Williams.
Hello.
I don't really have anything for you guys, but I was thinking that we could talk about maybe how you feel about seeing Javi and I go through this and navigate
co-parenting across state lines over the past few months like how what what has it been like with for you to like watch me and like talk to you about it and because I really as rocky as you and I have been over the years on and off like I don't talk shit about you to Elisha like you know when you vent to your partner or whatever it has never been
And anger towards you, hatred towards you, resentment towards you, maybe a little bit because you get to leave and I don't. But outside of that, it's just been a lot of pain, I think. And you've had to sort of sit through it.
I mean, it's rough because it's like nobody wants to see a situation like this at all. At the end of the day, everybody wants what's best for Lincoln. And the bottom line is the way that y'all went about it with the mediation and stuff, I'd say that was probably the best way y'all could have. Because going back and forth, constantly arguing about it, it's not going to get anywhere.
And then y'all going to constantly hate, well, not constantly, but... the dislike to the other parent is going to grow and then it's going to cause more conflict than what needs to be versus just sitting down, figuring out what's the best for Lincoln.
And you've watched... me go through the court system where the judge decides in another co-parenting situation and that that was my fear was going through and at the end of it like nobody wins here even though we both decided but nobody wins even further when a judge decides in my opinion yeah
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Chapter 7: How do we keep communication open for Lincoln's well-being?
We can sit here, play sports with Lincoln, and actually have a conversation.
Yeah, I really want peace with everybody. I'm not – I'm 32. I'm just – There's no reason for us to be beefing. If it's not dealing with personal issues, as long as no one's talking bad about someone else, there's really no reason why we can't figure it out for Lincoln. And I think this kind of proved it.
The second you guys were playing all together on the soccer field and I was watching from the hotel window, I was like, oh, like there really is hope for this entire situation.
Ballard's really outgoing, so she really breaks the ice a lot. Yeah, I was about to say.
I think it was her. Did she really? Yeah, because she was like, you going to play? You going to play? Which team are you going to be on? I'm like, I don't know.
Well, she said you run like a fairy, so.
Why I got to be a fairy, though?
The Rock was a fairy in one of his movies, so that's a compliment. Two fairies, two fairies.
She just meant your light on your feet. So are we collectively agreeing that we feel pretty good moving forward, at least for this first year?
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