Basic Snitches

I Will Proudly Display my Boner

19 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Quizzes from the Patreon archives...featuring all kinds of side quests (aka: talking about off topic stuff)

I Want a Large Animal to be My Friend

04 Mar 2026

Contributed by Lukas

It's time for another GAME EPISODE 📣For this episode we MASHed more of our favorite special guests and things get weird (not that that is anything ...

Kreature is the Evil Queen

22 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

Time for a Timed Tuner!!!This week, the wheel decided that we would talk about the Harry Potter amusement parks! Tara shares her experience at Univers...

Botox and Horcruxes

04 Feb 2026

Contributed by Lukas

In this character episode, Adam and Tara attempt to put together an accurate timeline of Voldy's life...it goes as well as expected.

A Literal Tool

21 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

It's time for our first bracket of season 9! In this episode, we discuss all of the characters that should have been in the movies and how important t...

It's Very Black and LeStrange

07 Jan 2026

Contributed by Lukas

What is even happening???!?!?!!?Unlike our happy little recap of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the Crimes of Grindelwald is a rough watch f...

A Sleigh full of Snackies (and Linda too!)

26 Dec 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome to Basic Snitches, season 9! And happy holidays, Linda!We're kicking off the season with a holiday game episode! Adam and Tara are playing cla...

An Ooky Spooky Cutting Room Floor

29 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Here it is, folks...the final episode of season 8....all the missing pieces you didn't know you needed.... Are these outtakes ooky and spooky? Maybe. ...

EGG - Mystery Snitches Theater ft. Dan, Jean, Victoria and Peggy

15 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Next time you watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, play the CORRECT dialogue with this episode 😁Thank you to Peggy, Victoria, Jean and Dan fo...

Why are you Touching my Soul Chunk?

03 Oct 2025

Contributed by Lukas

In this Timed Turner episode, Adam and Tara turn a bit nostalgic as they identify what objects they would be turning into horcruxes in order to live f...

Being Wrong is Not a Crime - Being Ron Is

18 Sep 2025

Contributed by Lukas

It's time for our character deep dive on Ronald Weasley!!!Ron...kinda sucks sometimes...but also, we are all a little bit Ron and maybe we should reme...

Enemy Vegetable

20 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

It's spa day with the Basic Snitches! Just kidding! Adam just needs to be comfortable after being subjected to spending too much time with Tara 🤷‍...

Sucked Dry by Laundry

07 Aug 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, part 2 -Adam and Tara revisit the second half of their NYC Cursed Child experience. Scorpius is still a cinnamon ro...

Spelunking - BONUS EPISODE

27 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

BONUS EPISODE time!In the final episode of this chapter, we share snippets from our Patreon Archive and give you EVEN MORE SARAH, as well as Roxana, B...

Gang Bang for Breakfast

09 Jul 2025

Contributed by Lukas

It's time for a spelling bee! Roxana, Sarah and our voice to text friend face off to become the champion! Hosted by Adam and Tara, this is a spelling ...

Though He Be But Little, He is Fierce - featuring Sarah

25 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

This has turned into nearly an entire chapter focused on Ravenclaws! Though unintentional, we are we not not mad about it! Sarah is here again to be t...

The Brains of the Operation - featuring Sarah

11 Jun 2025

Contributed by Lukas

For our character study on Hermione, Sarah is here!(Tara has laryngitis but is here too!)After a roast of our silent co-host, we jump into our deep di...

Justice for the Horrible Woman

28 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Bracket Timeeeeee!!!!As this chapter turns towards being Ravenclaw coded (please stay tuned... 😂), we talk about BOOKS!!!Adam put together a bracke...

This is a Father's Day Play

14 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We're finally here. Cursed Child (part 1). Revising our 2019 trip to NYC where we saw the play on Broadway, we discuss the good and the bad. Part one ...

Patreon Archives: Best of Screen Rant - Vol. 1

07 May 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Happy bonus episode, Snitches!Here we share some of our favorite Screen Rant discussions (disagreements) previously shared on Patreon! Some (most) of ...

It's Just Sarah and Brian - featuring Adam and Tara

17 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Apparently everyone is Brian and Sarah today (and naked...and Tara hasn't been invented)...Anyway, if you haven't had enough chaos in your life, here'...

Two Messes Flock Together

03 Apr 2025

Contributed by Lukas

On this Timed Turner episode, we discuss all the Harry Potter spin-offs that we would watch...we start off pretty standard suggesting the need for a s...

McG is Cher

19 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

In this week's Character episode, we discuss the classiest of witches, Professor Minerva "McG" McGonagall ❤️We basically spend the episode talking...

Old People Food

05 Mar 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Time for another bracket episode!!!This time we break down the best magical treats! 😁 What is the most superior magical treat???Hint: it's NOT Ever...

People Be Losin' Bodies Everywhere

19 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

In this fandom episode, Adam and Tara discuss wild HP theories...some of which we have decided are now canon...ish.Also, in case you didn't know, Snap...

I Have a Potion for That - featuring Neci Bryant

05 Feb 2025

Contributed by Lukas

It's time for SNITCH GAME!Hosted by Victoria, and featuring Neci as the contestant on her Basic Snitches debut episode!Will Neci match with any of our...

I'm the Ultimate Potato

22 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

Time for a TIMED TURNERRRRRRRRY'all, this one is off the rails...so enjoy this whole episode about potatoes!!!

There's Something About Hagrid

08 Jan 2025

Contributed by Lukas

We love Hagrid. He is our innocent little (giant) cinnamon roll.Seriously, he is the BEST.

The Basic Snitches and the Deathly Hallows

25 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Happy Christmas!!! You know what this is!!!! Time to enjoy the correct version of book 7 😉

Everything is Water Goblets

11 Dec 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It's time for another bracket episode! In this episode we pick the best spell for every day use. We also learn that it's a good thing Tara isn't actua...

The Trelawney Dining Experience

28 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This is possibly the longest episode in Basic Snitches history that is ONLY Adam and Tara....so buckle in for 2 hours of us reviewing every deleted sc...

Tara's Patronus is Still her Own Ass

13 Nov 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Best of Patreon archives-MASHThe complete MASH fates of Adam, Tara, Jean, and Peggy

This is the Chaos Zone

30 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

It's Basic Snitches Game Night!!!We bring in a few of our favorite Snitches to play a few of our favorite games.Buckle in - we are loud* and we are fu...

Essentially, I Do Everything

16 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome to our first Timed-Turner episode! Stealing the idea of "Podvilla" from Podcast in Death, we pulled out a random topic and talked about it for...

Hagrid is the Other Woman

02 Oct 2024

Contributed by Lukas

This is a character study on Harry Potter. Have you heard of him? Is every character episode really just about Hagrid? You decide.You could say that t...

The Main Butt People

18 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome to our second bracket episode!!!! This time it's a showdown between all our favorite Basic Snitches nicknames that we have given the character...

If I Was a Wizard I Would Make Strudel

01 Sep 2024

Contributed by Lukas

WELCOME TO SEASON 8, SNITCHES! And - Happy Back to Hogwarts Day!!!Because we read so many books we rewarded ourselves with a movie 😁 Here is a long...

NOW WHAT?

26 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

We ain't goin' NOWHERE, Snitches!!! :D

Cutting Room Floor - Number whatever this is (5)

19 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Just more fuck-ups...basically what we do best.

Chicken Wing Station - Movies 7 & 8 with Peggy Newton and Jean Brennan

12 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

The house is once again filled with Slytherins and it's time to talk about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows- Parts 1 and 2. Though Adam and Tara h...

We've Learned all This Life - featuring Dan and Victoria Hunsicker

05 Jun 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Deep dive on DUMBLE! Featuring Dan and Victoria Hunsicker - We discuss the good and bad of Dumble, talk about dicks, and ask important questions.

All These Randos at the End - Book 7 Wrap-Up featuring Inky

29 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

WE READ SEVEN WHOLE BOOKS!!! This is a long one, Snitches... This is not only the wrap up for book 7, we also discuss the points Adam has been keeping...

Confetti

22 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 36: The Flaw in the Plan - OMG the LAST CHAPTER OF THE SERIES!!!Basically, Harry wins. So do we. Basic Snitches win.Bye Cocaine Babyyyyyy!!! 🎉...

Can You F*** at King's Cross?

15 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 35: King's Cross -Apparently you CAN fuck at King's Cross because Voldy is about to be SO fucked 🤣

Harry's Sponge Bath

08 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 34: The Forest Again - Harry takes a little stroll, passes a torch, reunites with family, and has a nice little make out session with cocaine ...

Snape Goop

01 May 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 33: The Prince's Tale - This is apparently where we are supposed to stop hating Snape for being a piece of shit. Don't worry. We don't.

The Duke of Tara's Boob

24 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 32: The Elder Wand -Adam writes one of the greatest things ever written...even though Tara stole all his adjectives. Again.

I'm a Ghost, I Can Tell You Things

17 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 31: The Battle of Hogwarts -Harry figures stuff out! We're so proud even though he's a dummy dumb dumb. Harry's interrogation tactics are...

Holding Out for a Lumos

11 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 30: The Sacking of Severus Snape -Amycus and Alexto suck. McG and Luna are badass.Slughorn is a walrus.The movie is...eh...okay? They don't ha...

The Pretentious Doorknocker

05 Apr 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 29: The Lost Diadem - in this episode we ask the important questions: Why are there so many crowns in this series? Why is Cho back at Hogwarts...

Voldemort Screams Like a Cat

27 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 28: The Missing Mirror -Congratulations on your new couch, Adam!!!Aberforth is fed up, Harry is determined, Ariana Grande is bffs with Neville...

He's a Precious Baby

23 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 27: The Final Hiding Place - THEY RIDE A DRAGOON 😁😁😁Ron is sassy. Hermione is prepared. Harry gets to see into Voldy's head (so all u...

Dragon is Good Pet, Yes?

14 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 26: Gringotts - if Tara and Adam were wizards they would steal furniture from Parma.The trio and Griphook go on a field trip, Hermione is too ...

Horse Shadowing

07 Mar 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 25: Shell Cottage -Adam and Tara discuss the importance of wearing crowns for every day tasks and Harry becomes a grandfather.Oh, and "daddy" ...

Carry That Body!

28 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 24: The Wandmaker - We love the coziness of Shell Cottage and spending time with Bill and Fleur.The trio interrogate Griphook and Ollivander a...

MAGICAL CREATURE SMACKDOWN - featuring Olivia x 2

21 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Highly combustible, O2 is BACK and we are two Slytherins and two Gryffindors together determining which is the best magical creature out there!New fac...

Time to Vacuum the Driveway

16 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 23: Malfoy Manor - Fucking Frenrrrrrr is back 😒 Seriously - fuck that guy.But we do get to reunite with Luna 😍So much- like the longest ...

A Long Tunnel

09 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 22: The Deathly Hallows - Canon: Lee Jordan will dethrone Rita Skeeter in the wizarding media world.Harry needs to travel to the future to lis...

Death Eaters are Drag Queens

02 Feb 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 21: The Deathly Hollows - Soooooo...the big question here is why is a story that includes murder and suicide something being told to CHILDREN?...

Swimming for Plimpies

25 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 20: Xenophillius Lovegood -RON IS TRYING GIVE HIM CREDITWe get to go visit X and, after 20 chapters, we finally are about to find out the mean...

My Patronus is My Own Ass

19 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 19: The Silver Doe - Merry Christmas to Bentley, the little thief making all the noise in the background 😂 People do not give water the res...

The Sword and the Horrible Woman

13 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 18: The Life and Lies of Albus Dumbledore -This chapter is really just a lot of gay jokes and Hermione being a book thiefTara is filled with a...

The Snitch Game

04 Jan 2024

Contributed by Lukas

Welcome to the Snitch Game! This is the Basic Snitches version of Match Game and Snatch Game and it's everything you never needed!Starring Natalie as ...

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince as told by Basic Snitches (and other Bitches)

27 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Our annual holiday gift to you - A whole HP book condensed to the highlights according to us 🤣😉 Merry Holidays!

Harry Touched the Butt

20 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 17: Bathilda's Secret- Spoiler: SHE A SNAKE! 😳Also, Adam and Tara finally get One Word at a Time right!!

She Likes a Big Tent - Featuring Brian O. Jackson & Sarah Price

15 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 16: Godric's Hollow - Brian and Sarah are back to discuss this super sad chapter. Though it's not a terribly eventful chapter we spend a good ...

The Wish Version of Harry - featuring Brian O. Jackson & Sarah Price

08 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Hiiiiiiii! Welcome to our second special episode on Puffs, or Seven Increasingly Eventful Years at a Certain School of Magic and Magic!Two of our favo...

Harry Buries an Eyeball

01 Dec 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 15: The Goblins' Revenge - CAMPING IS FUNAlso, the trio get to be nosy bitches, just like the good ol' days... until Ron leaves like a little ...

The Li'l Chicken Boys

23 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 14 (of Aesop's Fables?): The Thief -We will drink wine out of (almost) anything.BABY NEEDS JELLY!!! This is where they start camping so that's...

Toilet Transportation Station

16 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 13: The Muggle Born Registration Committee- Well, our heros managed to get INTO the ministry but that's where the success ends 🤷‍♀️Ha...

A Lovely Tart

09 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 12: Magic is Might -Today we're talking about chapter 12 of War and Peace...just kidding 😂The trio and Kreacher have a domestic start to th...

Boy George and Some Other People

04 Nov 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 11: The Bribe -In this chapter, one of our favorite characters comes back... Lupin! However, it's not really a good chapter for him 😬 We di...

A Prezzie for Kreacher

26 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 10: Kreacher's Tale -Tara and Adam need carbs.We finally learn who RAB is (I mean, we knew, but now the Trio knows!) and how he has amazing ti...

It's Spooky and Racist

19 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 9: A Place to Hide - Another chapter of Hermione saving everyone's ass 🤷‍♀️ We have some notes for the film....like how Hermione, ins...

Mystery Snitches Theater 3000

12 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

200. Effing. Episodes.How did we get here?Here you go, Snitches, play this while watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's (Philosopher's Stone) on mut...

Latke Chat

05 Oct 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 8: The Wedding - Latke chat time!Adam gets his tongue in order and Tara is speaking in a weird southern accent.Barney is a nosy dude and Murie...

Very Long but Very Good

27 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 7: The Will of Albus Dumbledore (this is chapter 7 of Harry Potter and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies) - Tara is reading the version of this ...

...The French!

21 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 6: The Ghoul in Pajamas - Harry is back on his bullshit of wanting to leave everyone behind for their own safety. Of course, Hermione and Ron ...

Captain Couch - featuring Peggy Newton & Natalie Zenczak

13 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It's our first special episode of season 7: Tara and a Bunch of Slytherins 🤣Peggy and Natalie are here to discuss movies 5 and 6. It's glorious cha...

And I Would Have Gotten Away with it Too!

07 Sep 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 5: Fallen Warrior - Adam, your wine is ready for pickup!On top of another reminder that the seven Potters was a terrible idea, Adam and Tara a...

Find a Bus, Bitch

31 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 4: The Seven Potters -Today Lulu and Zinbitch discuss chapter 4 of Harry Potter and the Field Wine Guide.JK, sorry this isn't actually a wine ...

Confidently Doing a Stupid Thing

24 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 3: The Dursleys Departing - This episode features a special guest: Tara's fan!!! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ (It's summer, y'all, ...

Down with the Thicknesse

16 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 2: In Memoriam - Just a reminder that we're all changing our last names to Thickness! Adam and Tara discuss the most effective way to drink wi...

Cosplaying as Evil People, or Drinkies and Snakeys

10 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 1: The Dark Lord Ascending - Yaxley and Snape take a romantic stroll after getting coffee and take in the sights. Voldy continues his favorite...

Season 7 Trailer

04 Aug 2023

Contributed by Lukas

It's almost time, Snitches!Enjoy a sneak peek at the first couple of episodes to come in the final book season of Basic Snitches!And a bonus! This tra...

1, 2, 3... FLOOR

16 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

To close out season 6, we present you with all the crazy shit we haven't shared with you yet... 😂😂

The Most Evil People are the Most Gorgeous - featuring Jean and Delia Brennan

08 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

In this special episode, we discuss the movies of Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire with our favorite mother-daughter duo,Jean and Delia Brennan....

We Have our own Receipts - Book 6 Wrap up

01 Jun 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince book/movie wrap-up, or, an evaluation of the resume of Mr. Harry James Potter and his undeniable qualifications...

The Half-Brud Plince

26 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 30: The White Tomb -We spend a lot of time in Harry's head but that's honestly better than being around the Pink devil (who comes to Dumble's ...

Dumby's Gone and this Place Sucks Without Him

18 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 29: The Phoenix Lament - This whole chapter takes place in the hospital wing where everything is awkward and sad. Also Fawkes is setting shit ...

Only Murders in the Tower - featuring Sir Winthrop Jackson

11 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 28: Flight of the Prince (or, Snape Prances Away)Fuck that blonde death eater.

Psychological Warfare, or Two Bones

04 May 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 27: The Lightening Struck Tower - Even though he's basically on Death's door, Dumble still makes sure to give Baby Death Eater some kudos for ...

Hagrid Saved the Babe - featuring Sarah Price

27 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

This episode is about Snape.Episode title is still about Hagrid.Because he's better than Snape 🤷‍♀️

The Locket in the Margarita - featuring Sarah Price

21 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 26: The Cave -It's finally vacay time!!!! Dumble and Harry arrive in Palm springs to find that the hotel accommodations were not as expected.....

Some Bitch named Eileen

13 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 25: The Seer Overhead - So why can Slughorn give students mead but Trelawney has to hide he sherry bottles?Also, everything is Snape's fault. ...

Weasley is our QWEN

06 Apr 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 24 - SectumsempraAdam's house is hot and Tara is slowly removing clothing.Draco and Harry have a dick measuring contest.Again.Ginny is the act...

Don't Be a Horcrux - featuring Dan Hunsicker and Victoria Kirgesner-Hunsicker

30 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 23: Horcruxes -Dan is still here and with Dan, we get Victoria - queen of the fantastic one-liners!Seriously though, Victoria and Adam bring t...

Sinners in the Hands of an Angry Cow - featuring Dan Hunsicker and Victoria Kirgesner-Hunsicker

23 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

SINNING IS FUN!Pausing from the book for just one week, we discuss the Seven Deadly Sins and how the characters of the series represent each one. We a...

HEY! Wanna See a Dead Spider???

16 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 22: After the Burial - On this week's episode of "wizards will pretty much drink anything you put in front of them", we discuss Slughorn and H...

Are You an Imprint of a Departed Soul?

09 Mar 2023

Contributed by Lukas

Chapter 21: The Unknowable Room -The most important thing in this chapter is that sassy Ron is amazing 😂Also, it's clear that both Harry AND Kreach...