Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet
Episodes
369: Reviews of Mall Santas
24 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
2 surfs,a quick dance, a few mushrooms and 2 giant connect 4 gamesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at htt...
368: Reviews of Pet Psychics
17 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Sorry, pet communicators.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-inf...
367: Reviews of Renaissance Faires with Bryan Green
10 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
This is gonna ruin the tour... What tour? The moose tour.Check out The Commercial Break! https://www.tcbpodcast.comFollow Bryan! https://instagram.com...
366: Reviews of Soup Recipes
03 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
My soup is full of eels.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info...
365: Reviews of Turkey Trots
26 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
To see Xandy at his most athletic, check out our Instagram! https://www.instagram.com/beachtoosandyWe also have new merch!! https://www.beachtoosandy....
364: Reviews of Labubus
19 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Give us money so Christine can buy more Labubus for her legion: www.patreon.com/BeachTooSandySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and Calif...
363: Reviews of Great Wolf Lodge
12 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Tune in next week for 364: Reviews of Great Wolf Spider LodgeStuff here: www.beachtoosandy.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and Cali...
362: Reviews of Hospitals with Nurse Blake
05 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Throw on your finest Armani tracksuit, because we've got hospitals to complain about.See Nurse Blake on tour or on the open sea!! https://www.nursebla...
361: Reviews of Halloween Costumes
29 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Happy Halloween! Or Sad Halloween in Xandy's case!I don't feel like writing anything else here today. Go google us or something.See Privacy Policy at ...
360: Reviews of Pumpkin Recipes
22 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Last show of our 2025 tour is this Saturday!! Get your tickets! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and ...
359: Live in Plano, TX
15 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We're excited to share our Plano show with you!! Just three more shows left: Seattle tonight, Portland tomorrow, and New York on the 25th. Get your ti...
358: Reviews of Abandoned Places
08 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Tune in next week for another edition of The Priestly Priest Report.See us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourJoin our Patreon for Nodd...
357: Reviews of Revolving Sushi
01 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
You’ve been revolving around this sushi restaurant for 27 years! See us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourJoin our Patreon for ...
356: Reviews of Hair Removal Products
24 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Midwest shows are happening now! Kansas City tonight! Omaha tomorrow! St. Louis Friday! Malort Sunday!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourJoin our...
355: Reviews of Community Theaters
17 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Send in the clowns!See us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourJoin our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe hav...
354: Reviews of Wine Bars
10 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Taking a break from Cracker Barrel content...... for now.See us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourJoin our Patreon for Noddy content! https...
353: Reviews of the Old Cracker Barrel Logo
03 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
SNIP SNAP SNIP SNAPSee us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourJoin our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe hav...
352: Reviews of the New Cracker Barrel Logo
27 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Already looks like we need to do a follow-up episode...See us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourJoin our Patreon for Noddy content! https:/...
351: Reviews of Jo-Ann Fabrics
20 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Support elevator victims making movies: https://gofund.me/9a321873 See us LIVE!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourJoin ou...
350: Reviews of Popsicles
13 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
To see the worst SpongeBob popsicle, visit https://www.instagram.com/beachtoosandy Support weirdos making movies: https://gofund.me/9a321...
349: Reviews of T.J. Maxx
06 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
This episode is best enjoyed in a T.J. Maxx bathroom. Support weirdos making movies: https://gofund.me/9a321873 Indy and Detroit h...
348: Reviews of Banned Books
30 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Support weirdos making movies: https://gofund.me/9a321873 Indy and Detroit here we come!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour Join our Pa...
347: Reviews of GameStop
23 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Not to be confused with GayStop Schiefer Madness Productions appreciates you: https://gofund.me/9a321873 We're coming to Indy and Detroit next...
346: Reviews of Petting Zoos
16 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Support Xandy's dreams if you want but no pressure: https://gofund.me/9a321873 We're coming to Indy and Detroit next!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/...
345: Reviews of Build-A-Bear Workshop
09 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Grab mom’s credit card, we’re going to BAB! San Francisco show is TONIGHT!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour Join our Patreon for Noddy conten...
344: QVC Reviews
02 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We love VPH aka Our Lady of QVC Come see us in California!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour Join our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patre...
343: Reviews of Cocktail Recipes
25 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
I'll take a Dirty Jimmy Carter on the rocks, please. SEE US LIVE! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour Join our Patreon to send us a voicemail! htt...
342: Reviews of Bicycle Stores
18 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
This episode we learn how to fix your bike's jickle flamber. We're performing in Florida tonight and tomorrow!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour...
341: Reviews of Farmers' Markets
11 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Don't listen if you have a mealworm phobia. See you in Florida in one week!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour Join our Patreon for Noddy content...
340: Reviews of Hard Seltzer
04 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Be careful listening to this episode while in ketosis. Our tour starts in two weeks!!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour Join our Patreon for Nod...
339: Reviews of BBQ Sauce
28 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
No sushi was harmed in the making of this episode. Our tour is guickly approaching!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour Join our Patreon for Noddy ...
338: Reviews of Chocolate Factories
21 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Breaking up families, one listener at a time.Tour tickets on sale now!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour Join our Patreon for Noddy content! http...
337: Reviews of Wax Museums
14 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Our found family includes Voldemort, Snow White, and Rudyard Kipling. See us on tour!! Or are those just wax versions of us? https://www.beachtoosan...
336: Reviews of Period Products
07 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Apologies for confusing Helen Mirren with the real star of Devil Wears Prada, Diane Keaton. See Christine and her popcorn pants on tour!! https://ww...
335: Reviews of Beans
30 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We love Pinto Macbean and definitely not because we're afraid of him! See us on tour!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tour Join our Patreon for Nodd...
334: Reviews of Laundromats
23 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Everyone wish Christine a happy birthday!See us on tour!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourJoin our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon....
333: Reviews of Tiki Bars
16 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
See us on tour and don't throw quarters at us!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourJoin our Patreon for Noddy content! https://www.patreon.com/beacht...
332: Reviews of Chiropractors
09 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
See us on tour and at our EPCOT after party!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourJoin our Patreon to get pre-sale access! https://www.patreon.com/bea...
331: Reviews of April Fools Pranks
02 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
SEE US ON TOUR!!! Tickets on sale this Friday!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourJoin our Patreon to get pre-sale access! https://www.patreon.com/b...
330: Reviews of Multivitamins
26 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
After recording this episode, Xandy found an empty can of rootbeer on his floor.Join our Patreon to watch us watch Noddy being naughty! https://www.p...
329: St. Patrick's Day Reviews
19 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
If your name is O'Brien, Murphy, Fitzpatrick, etc. it's a very BIG day.Join our Patreon to watch us watch Noddy being naughty! https://www.patreon.co...
328: Reviews of Beginner Crochet Kits
12 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We expect to see your thumbs up if you like this episode.Join our Patreon to watch us watch Noddy deal with Goblins! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoo...
327: Between You And Us
05 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
We're confident Jimmy Carter would've been a sand monster.Join our Patreon to watch us watch Noddy for some reason! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoos...
326: Reviews of Rivers
26 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
If you see Christine by the Charles River trying to sell you on eternal life... no you didn't.Join our not so secret labor force! https://www.patreon...
325: Reviews of Art Classes
19 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
A new wave of freshness! Listen now!Join our not so secret labor force! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe have merch! https://www.beachtoosand...
324: Reviews of Off-Brand Sodas
12 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Sit around the fire as Christine regales you with the Ballad of Dr. PerkySend us a voicemail! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe have merch! ht...
323: Reviews of Yoga Studios
05 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Susej, I choose you!Send us a voicemail! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeXandy's stream: twitch....
322: Reviews Written from the Parking Lot
29 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
A big yellow star took my business away.Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe have merch! https://www.b...
321: Reviews of Health Food Stores
22 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Xandy is streaming again! We'll see how long that lasts...Xandy's stream: twitch.tv/xandyschieferAd-free listening and full video episodes! https://...
320: Reviews of Luggage
15 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Do you remember your first polycarbonate hardside spinner luggage?Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe ...
319: Reviews of Calendars
08 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
How else am I supposed to watch you poop??Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWe have merch! https://www...
318: Between You And Us
01 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
happy wonderwall!!!!! bapp.We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeAd-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoo...
317: Reviews of Disappointing Holiday Gifts
25 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Happy Holidays! We hope this episode isn't the highlight of your occasion.We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeAd-free listening and full vi...
316: Reviews of Holiday Yard Inflatables
18 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Please be wary if you have an angel yard inflatable. Xandy is on the prowl.We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeAd-free listening and full v...
315: Reviews of Christmas Albums
11 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Hopefully this is the closest we get to a full musical episode.We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeAd-free listening and full video episode...
314: Reviews of Snow Shoveling Services
04 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Who is ready for some five star plowing?!We have merch! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeAd-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreo...
313: Thanksgiving Extravaganza
27 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Huge merch sale!! 25% off storewide! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeAd-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy...
312: Reviews of Trampoline Parks
20 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
:bouncin: :bouncin:Black Friday Sale starts Monday! 25% off storewide! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeAd-free listening and full video episodes! htt...
311: Reviews of Old People Food
13 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Find out what candy civil war general George Washington gave to his troops for good luck!Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patre...
310: Reviews of Arcades
06 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
You better not give us a one-star review, because we saw you give Arby's a five...Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/...
309: Halloween Extravaganza
30 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
This week's episode is hosted by Cryptine Schiefear and Alexandirt BansheeferAd-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beach...
308: Reviews of Ghost Hunting Equipment
23 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Apologies in advance if Christine sounds too much like a sarcastic crocodile.Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beach...
307: Reviews of Caskets
16 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
The scariest thing about a prop should not be the price tag.Listen to Xandy read confessions with Wine & Crime! https://open.spotify.com/episode/...
306: Reviews of Stuff for Your Man Cave
09 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
FLATULENCE ALLOWED AND SELECTIVE HEARING ONLYCheck out Christine's feature on Baywatchers! https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Tf1cKnDcZV9OLwQPbipfx?si...
305: Xandy Things Because It's My Birthday
02 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It's not even Xandy's birthday today.Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWatch clips of your favorite mom...
304: Reviews of Bell Towers
25 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Set your reminders to listen to this episode in 2035!Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWatch clips of y...
303: Reviews of Football Stadiums
18 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
When you're done listening to this episode, could you bring our mom some nacho cheese?Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon....
302: LIVE from Washington, DC!
11 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
"Prepare for rude surprises!" We're having a topsy-turvy week over here at Sandmonster HQ so please enjoy one of our favorite live shows - Washington...
301: Best Reviews from Tour 2024
04 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Happy Good Friday! We're gonna kick you right in the ass. Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWatch clip...
300: Reviews of Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet
28 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
"I know this isn't a forum to defend ourselves..." proceed to defend ourselves.Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/bea...
299: Reviews of Travel Agencies
21 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
We are eagerly awaiting your powerpoint applications.Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyWatch clips of y...
298: Reviews of Wisconsin Dells
14 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
We're still not totally sure what Wisconsin Dells is...Come see us in Chicago and St. Louis!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourAd-free listening and...
297: Between You And Us
07 Aug 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https:...
296: Reviews of Pet Supplements
31 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
In this episode there's a bird with a taste for human flesh and a Christine with a taste for earthworms.Come see us in Philly, DC, Chicago, and St. Lo...
295: LIVE from Salt Lake City!
24 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Our 7/11 live show from Salt Lake City!See us LIVE!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourAd-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreo...
294: Reviews of Catholic Schools
17 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Did you know we went to Catholic school?See us LIVE!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourAd-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patre...
293: Reviews of Dog Groomers
10 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
If you see Xandy looking for compliments at your local dog groomer... no you didn't.See us LIVE!! https://www.beachtoosandy.com/tourAd-free listening...
292: Reviews of Fireworks Stores
03 Jul 2024
Contributed by Lukas
It's like a foot camel animorph.Watch our virtual live stream July 7th at 7:00 PM ET! twitch.tv/xandyschieferSee us LIVE!! https://www.beachtoosandy...
291: Reviews of Museum Gift Shops
26 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Description: This episode is full of hits like "Midnight in Charlotte," "Manhattan is Not My Home," and "I love HAM."See us LIVE!! https://www.beach...
290: Reviews of Fake Plants
19 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Only real ones can name three pollinators.Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy***COME SEE US LIVE!*** ht...
289: Reviews of Pride Parades
12 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
We are not liable for any nightmares you might have about AI Jesus with four hands.Ad-free listening and full video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/...
288: Reviews of Hot Air Balloon Rides
05 Jun 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Put your phone on Zeppelin mode and help us get this balloon out of a tree. Support us on Patreon to get ad-free listening and video episodes! https...
287: Reviews of Food Delivery Services
29 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Eros hath struck you with his arrow so you have no choice but to love this episode. Support us on Patreon to get ad-free listening and video episodes...
286: Reviews of Jude Law
22 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Go go gadget penis pump! Support us on Patreon to get ad-free listening and video episodes! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyGet your live show ...
285: Reviews of Shrek
15 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Coming Soon to Theaters Near You: Get Out of My Swamp (And by Swamp I Mean Reality)See us LIVE: beachtoosandy.comCheck out our merch! https://www.be...
284: Reviews of Evil Sounding Drinks
08 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Check out merch store! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandySupport us on Pat...
283: Reviews of Small-Town Festivals
01 May 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Root beer milk and a great time coffin coffin thumbs up Xtine's Etsy for all you hoop and stick enthusiasts: https://www.etsy.com/shop/thextinefiles...
282: Reviews of Groupons
24 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
***COME SEE US LIVE!*** https://beachtoosandy.com/Look at what we have in store! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch videos from our episodes on Ti...
281: Reviews of Mattress Stores
17 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
We dedicate this episode to all the productbristas who shop online and inside the stores. No pun intended.Xtine's Etsy for all you hoop and stick enth...
280: Reviews of Immersive Experiences
10 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
This episode is full of Shrek Humor. Youth groups, you've been warned! ***COME SEE US LIVE!*** https://beachtoosandy.com/Look at what we have in sto...
279: Review of Paint and Sips
03 Apr 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Description: We're not sure who's at fault in most of these paint-and-sip debacles, but it's probably Jude Law. ***COME SEE US LIVE!*** https://bea...
278: Reviews from 2004
27 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jump 5 right into a gathering of Ricardo's apostles.Look at what we have in store! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch videos from our episodes on T...
277: Reviews of Chuck E. Cheese Part 2
20 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Here lies Auston Powers. Sex? Yes please!Look at what we have in store! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch videos from our episodes on TikTok! ht...
276: Reviews of Rest Stops
13 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Check out our new merch store! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandySupport u...
275: Reviews of Fad Water Bottles
06 Mar 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Check out our new merch store! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandySupport u...
274: Reviews of Lego
28 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandySupport us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy Xandy is st...
273: Reviews of Fall Out Boy
21 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Watch videos from our episodes on TikTok! https://tiktok.com/@beachtoosandySupport us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandy Xandy is st...
272: Reviews of Reality Dating Shows
14 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
A kiss is the beginning of everything. -NoleneLast chance to get in on our winter sale! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch videos from our episodes...
271: Reviews of The Office
07 Feb 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Don't discuss this episode too much, it might make Xandy sick.Check out our winter merch sale from 2/9-2/16! https://www.beachtoosandy.storeWatch vid...
270: Reviews of Moving Companies
31 Jan 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Is that Nana's bong or an empty Gatorade bottle? Catch Xandy's Stream tomorrow! twitch.tv/xandyschieferOr join his Discord to see when he goes live! ...