How To Care For Someone With Dementia: Begin Again Moments

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Begin Again with Davina McCall 17 min 3 speakers 8 chapters transcribed
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What emotional challenges arise when caring for a parent with dementia?

Davina McCall 0:00
do you mind talking about your dad a bit sure can I can I talk to you about that I feel like this this podcast is about begin again and lots of people that watch this might be going through a phase of their life where life changes quite a lot I think when you're an adult and you're beginning to look after your parents. Yeah. And it always seems to happen at a time in our lives when there's a load of other stuff going on as well. We might have teenagers who are struggling or we might have illness and then parents. Yeah. you know having had like the golden years of 30s 40s you know career and marriage and yeah little kids little kids it's like the glory years and then it we hit a pretty hard time yeah how to navigate that and you were saying your mum who sounded like she was a driving force in your family completely that you get a lot of your fire yeah she was she was an extraordinary woman and um
Jamie Theakston 1:14
I know she was very proud of me and she loved her grandchildren and she loved being able to see them and find out what they've been doing. And, and it's a sort of, there is a, you're right, there is that, there's a very blissful time in our lives when our parents are still a very, still playing quite an active part in our lives. very useful when it comes to childcare. But also it's a very, it's a sort of great support mechanism knowing that they're still there. And there's also something wonderful about seeing that sort of, there is a sort of brief fleeting moment when a family as a whole, as a whole, grandparents, you, kids, all together, And everyone is young enough or old enough, whichever side of the spectrum we're at, to be able to appreciate that.
Jamie Theakston 2:10
And it's a really blissful time. And then the kids get older and bring all the fun that teenage years can bring.

How does dementia create a sense of quiet grief for caregivers?

Jamie Theakston 2:22
And then the thing, and then your parents die. And that's like, no one is your way home. What's that? No, one's really prepared us for that part of our lives. And so that can actually be a time of great upheaval, I think. for anyone to have to be able to get to grips with when your children don't need you in the same way that they used to and that happens in a blink of an eye and then as parents we're struggling to the parenting becomes very difficult then because your your children can start thinking for themselves and making their own decisions and then you kind of have to adjust to that go well how where at when do i where do i impose myself and where do i have to sit off and just allow them to get on with it so whilst you're dealing with that you know dropping the clutch and changing gear on that you've also got on the other side your parents suddenly getting ill or dying and um
Jamie Theakston 3:25
So my mum dying wasn't a great shock cause she'd been unwell for some time. And then my dad was left on his own.
Davina McCall 3:35
Were they close?
Jamie Theakston 3:37
Yeah, they were. They did everything together.
Davina McCall 3:39
I mean, so hard to have that many years together. And then... And then one of you go. Even though he knew she was ill, she'd lived with it for a long time.

What are the signs of dementia that may go unnoticed?

Jamie Theakston 3:50
He's never been a very expressive, kind of emotional kind of guy. He's from a sort of different era, really. And... And seeing him have to sort of struggle on his own is really difficult.
Davina McCall 4:11
Did he have signs of dementia before she died?
Jamie Theakston 4:14
Yeah, I think so. A lot of those signs that we hadn't really, some of them, it manifests itself in strange ways. Irrational jealousies, which you think, that's odd.
Davina McCall 4:27
Paranoia. Paranoia. Yeah. Can I tell you a weird thing? I understand a bit about that because I woke up with no short-term memory and it's come back very, very slowly over three months. And I struggled with all of those feelings when I was just out of hospital.
Jamie Theakston 4:45
And they are akin to a sort of a... It's short-term memory loss. It's like... Like an Alzheimer's.
Davina McCall 4:52
Yeah. I got paranoid. I got insecure. I didn't trust people that I love and trust. It was horrible. But I could feel it coming back. rather than losing it. It gave me a new... Well, obviously, you know my dad died of Alzheimer's. It gave me a new appreciation for what he'd been through and for what your dad is going through now and what it really feels like.

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