Bertcast
Something’s Burning: Spoilers, Torture + The New Godzilla | Greg Fitzsimmons + Mike Gibbons | S6 E21
14 Jan 2026
Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
Podcast listeners or YouTube, I don't know, whatever this is anymore, they go,
Who is this? I don't know this person. Yeah. And I feel like at the very beginning, I should put, we should do a freeze frame and put your names and then list everything you guys have done.
Do you want to cut this and put it up front? Sure. So I'll start talking, then I'll freeze as if you really froze it and you'll put it under me?
So when I got my start... And then the thing that ended it for me... Just write Ellen. Ellen. Get some food. Oh, what do we got today? Oh, we're doing pork belly. Oh, healthy again.
It's always healthy here.
We're doing pork belly. Yeah. We got some Asian-inspired rice. This isn't all rice Asian-inspired. Okay. And then Brussels sprouts.
Okay.
Are we rolling already? Oh, we're rolling.
Am I allowed to tell the story? You can cut this out if you want.
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Chapter 2: What are the key ingredients for crispy pork belly?
You're going to get your vitamin D. Then you're going to do a four-hour workout. Check your VHO. It should be high. Check your EMO. That should be low. And then we're going to drink 18 gallons of water. You're going to eat a lean protein diet, and that's the way to do it. We're like, no fucking shit. You do a podcast for that? This is what I need you to do, Huberman. Go to Vegas. Get some blow.
and then fucking get wasted. Start day drinking all day, okay? And then I need you to tell me how to recover on Monday morning at a high end. That's the podcast I'm looking for.
Also, where's the booze pills? Where the fuck is the booze pills?
Where's the liver pills? Why aren't we saving people? You know, I'm fucking... Well, that's why Pete Diddy had all the baby oil. That's the great equalizer. Wait, what? What's that? I was just trying to bring up P. Diddy as soon as possible in this podcast.
That documentary is, 50 Cent might be the funniest fucking guy. Wait, he never appears on screen though, right?
No, he produced the entire thing. And then he did an ABC interview because he found out that in Diddy's jail, ABC was the only thing they played in the rec center.
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Chapter 3: What humorous stories emerge during the podcast?
So he could only watch ABC. So everyone in Diddy's jail watched the Diddy interview with P. Diddy. He just only did an ABC interview.
That's perfect.
What is, I wish all trolls, have you ever seen the one when he did with Floyd Mayweather? No. Where he said he'd donate, he goes, Floyd Mayweather, I'll donate a million dollars to any charity you want if you can read one page of Harry Potter with no mess ups.
That's perfect.
I couldn't do it.
Right, right, right. Oh, boy. Everyone's like, ooh.
I love when... My favorite thing to do is tell people people are illiterate, like in production. Yeah. So I'm really sorry I did this. Russell Peters. We were doing this thing in Amsterdam, and he was hosting, and he was reading Prompter. And Prompter's tough. If you don't read a Prompter all the time, it's kind of tough. And I told someone, you know he's illiterate, right?
And they're like, what? And I go, yeah, he can't read. And they're like, no way. I go, well, he was born in India. And when he came over, he could learn English, but reading English is really tough. Oh, that makes so much sense. They're like, but he texted me last night. I go, voice text. He does it very commonly. I go, don't bring it up. He's really selfish. Don't even tell anyone.
I saw that person go around with a clipboard to people, to people, you know, illiterate.
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Chapter 4: How does the discussion shift towards the new Godzilla movie?
Well, after his show got canceled. After the Jews comment? Yeah, yeah. On VH1, when it got canceled and he was really bummed out. Like as you're saying, like it was one after another and he wasn't getting anywhere. He goes, when he would be really depressed, this is six months, maybe even longer after his show was canceled from VH1.
He's like, I would drive down to Crenshaw and just stare at my billboard because it was still up.
It was still up.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
I took Leanne to the store, or to the improv one night, and I was like, we got a lot, there's a lot of really great talent. And I was like, you're gonna love, Daniel Tosh is on it, Zach Galifianakis, Nick Swartz, it was such a great lineup. Sarah, and she watches the whole thing. Daniel Tosh goes on and just makes fun of me. He goes, oh, my name's Bert.
And he just does part of my act, and it bombs. And he goes, yeah, see, I told you. I get into the back. She didn't laugh at Tosh once. She didn't like Tosh.
Yeah.
Zach goes on. She's like, ugh, I don't get it. And then all of a sudden, his last joke, well, I got to go home and do laundry. You know it's time to do laundry when you get out of the shower and dry off with a shoe. That got her? Yeah. And then she went out and we sat out and we had a drink with him and she fell in love with him. He's the sweetest guy in the world.
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Chapter 5: What humorous golf story is shared?
And I was like, hey, Brooks, do me a favor. Rate his swing. And Nate's swing. Nate's a great golfer.
Yeah, he's really good.
And he... Tits weren't pretty good. And he goes, ugh. And Nate's like, what? And Nate's like, we got to watch this guy. Oh, hold on. You ain't seen shit. Bro, take my shirt off. And for whatever reason, I get full rotation and stripe it 300 yards down the center. And Nate goes, bullshit. Bullshit. He's been hitting garbage all fucking day. Nate Bargatze is one of the funnest.
Except Nate didn't say bullshit.
Chapter 6: How does the conversation shift to theme parks?
No, he didn't. He's like, bulldoggy. Bulldoggy. Bulldoggy. I miss the old Nate. Or I miss the Nate I know. Hold on. Let me rephrase all that. Take that out. That sounds weird. But I miss drunk Nate.
Right. I've only heard about it.
It was so great. It was so great. And listen, I don't want Nate to start drinking again. He was very happy. I hear he's doing well. I don't know. I hear he sets record. He's opening a theme park.
Yes, he wants to be the male Dolly Parton in Tennessee. Yeah. Which is big. She's the queen there. It's crazy.
Well, sidebar, she's closing her theme park. All right.
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Chapter 7: What insights are shared about the impact of torture?
I mean, I think Dollywood was Dolly-centric. Is that the reason? A lot of people came. First of all, you're talking to a theme park expert. I have more knowledge about theme parks than the majority of Americans in this country. I've been to more theme parks than the majority of acers out there because that's all I did for travel change for three years.
Yeah.
The highlight of Dollywood, and I would say Dollywood was one of the best theme parks I've ever been to. That and Busch Gardens, Virginia. Busch Gardens, Virginia is, in my experience, almost equivalent of taking your family to Europe. It's that beautiful.
Really? Wow.
It is gorgeous. It is thematically set where you can really feel like you're in a pub in England and you just go like, and then you walk out and your kids are playing. It's fucking incredible. The rides are amazing. The characters are a tad bit racist, but... Because Busch Gardens in Tampa is kind of a dump, isn't it? A little. Well, there are two different themes of Busch Gardens.
Busch Gardens Tampa is more African safari. Busch Gardens Virginia, if I'm not mistaken, is a little more like European. It's got like more European hints. I just dump these in. And then, I know. Is there water in them, I'm guessing?
This is an exciting podcast.
So we have a thing, Leanne's going to kill me when I say this, and I'm not supposed to say this, but we have this thing called sneak attacks. And sneak attacks are just moments where the person's not expecting it. but it signals that you wanna have sex later, and that, when I get a sneak attack, I know it's time to take a RhoSparks. This episode is sponsored by Rho.
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Chapter 8: What reflections are made about comedians and their craft?
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Do you think most people that get tortured say to themselves as they're about to get tortured, I never thought this was going to happen to me?
I don't know.
Like you ever see videos of guys that are stuck in the middle of the ocean? Or like hear stories of a guy stuck in the middle of the ocean?
Yeah.
I hear those stories, but I think, that'll never happen to me. But then if it happens to me, I'm gonna go, I can't believe this happened to me.
I'll waste a lot of time on that. Have you ever had the thing where you're like, certain tortures, you're like, I'd fucking muscle that out. They're gonna hook me up to a box spring and electrocute me. I'm like, I'd fucking take that. And then I'm like, honestly? Because then I hear about other tortures. Like for instance, if my hot water is not working, I'm like, not a fucking chance.
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