Living with Incurable Cancer: Becki Ross on Planning Her Own Funeral & Learning “Not to Give a Sh*t"
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What is Becki's current prognosis and why is she planning her own funeral?
I'm actually in the process of planning my own funeral, which is something I never thought I'd be doing in my life at 45 years old with two teenage kids. I've been battling bowel cancer, stage four incurable bowel cancer, for the last nearly three years now. My biggest fear is just leaving behind people, so leaving my kids behind and not being around for them. I'm just gutted that I'm going to miss out on so much of their life. that I wanna be a part of, but I am determined that I'm gonna come back in some capacity and I'll be floating around and it might be, I'll be a bumblebee, because you don't see bumblebees that often. I think what I've learnt is I don't give a shit about the little things anymore.
Like I don't sweat the small stuff, probably like I used to. This sounds really bizarre, but I probably have a lot less worries now. I was one of those people that I worked full time teaching. I worked in the boarding house. I coached sports teams. I was trying to be a mum. I was a single mum. What I worked out and where my perspective came in, I realised you're actually replaceable. When something happens, all of that worry and fear that I had, somebody else is now doing my job that I thought I couldn't take a sick day from. Love your people hard.
And it comes in so many different ways. Like... I just, I've been surrounded by love from people, from people I don't even know.
Be loved, let people love you and also share your love with other people and let them know that and tell them that you love them.
Becky Ross is a low-key legend, a Waikato school teacher, a community champion and a mother of two. But in 2023, she was diagnosed with incurable bowel cancer.
My feeling is that capturing a story like Becky's is the best possible use of our platform and our ability as storytellers.
Yeah, to capture the magic and essence of someone's life so that it lives on long after they have is something that we're truly grateful for.
This conversation was beautiful. It was raw in patches. It was incredibly sad in patches, but it was also fun. There was a lot of laughter here and it was infused with Becky's radiant energy and her optimism for life throughout.
Yeah, it was a day and a conversation we'll remember for the rest of our lives. We felt honoured to have it and we thank Becky for sharing it with us.
There were some heavy themes discussed in this episode and it may not be suitable for all listeners. Between Two Bears is proudly brought to you by One New Zealand. We believe that One New Zealand connects New Zealand, and Between Two Bears connects New Zealanders, and together we are New Zealand's most trusted connection platform.
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Becky Ross, welcome to Between Two Bears. Hello. It's an absolute privilege to be here. I feel like a little bit of a celebrity.
We're very grateful to have you in the One New Zealand studio this morning. We've thought a lot about how to frame this episode, which we have a feeling may end up being one of the most important and powerful conversations that we have today. It's a real privilege for us to share the space with you and help capture your life story. And we were hoping we could start it at present day. So it's 23rd of July, 2026. Are you able to share what's happening in your world and sort of where your mind is at right now?
I've been battling bowel cancer, stage four incurable bowel cancer for the last nearly three years now. And at the time I was kind of, I was given two to three years as my prognosis and I went, holy shit. No thanks. I'm not tapping out anytime soon. I've got way too much to do with my life. So I've been fighting along on my wee battle, trying to keep life as normal as possible and fill the bucket and try and beat it, to be honest. I've had a few setbacks, but the biggest setback would have been three days ago when I actually had my last day of radiation.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
What is Becki's current prognosis and why is she planning her own funeral?
0:00–15:55
2
How did doctors diagnose Becky and what was her path from symptoms to stage‑four cancer?
15:55–39:52
3
What personal choices has Becki made about her funeral and celebration of life?
39:52–1:01:35
4
How did losing a friend lead Becki to plan her own funeral and estate access?
1:01:35–1:03:49
5
Why does Becki use humour (stoma names and stories) to cope with living with a stoma?
1:03:49–1:10:02
6
How does Becki balance treatment choices, fundraising and quality vs quantity of life?
1:10:02–1:17:25
7
What legacy and practical support does Becki want for her children and friends?
1:17:25–1:57:39
Speakers
4 identifiedMore from Between Two Beers Podcast
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