Bitch Bible
Episodes
Diagnosis: Bitch
24 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Behold Jackie, Destroyer of Content, discusses Taylor Frankie Paul’s implosion, Melissa Wood-Tepperberg’s self indulgent ADHD diagnosis, and curre...
Bitch Bible Classics: Keep Eating
21 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie talks making babies, Real Housewives and consults Grandma Gloria for movie reviews.Thanks for supporting my sponsors:Quit with Jones: Start you...
Live, Laugh, Bulimia
17 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is coming off a social media fast and recounts Gloria’s recent near death experience, reviews the Oscars fashion, and graces listeners with a...
Slapping the Bass, Slapping Your Face
10 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
After reviewing past episodes Jackie realizes the show is as great as it has ever been, issues an apology, discusses her blunt but honest communicatio...
Paranormal Bitchxperience
03 Mar 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is back from a grueling commercial shoot and talks about the toll of being social, the two approved methods of socialization for females, and a...
Sisterhood of the Tic Tac Penis with Girls Gotta Eat
24 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is joined by Ashley and Rayna from Girls Gotta Eat to talk about micro-penises, their four and a half hairs, Jackie’s recent exorcism, and Pa...
Bitch Bible Classics: My Unorthodox Asshole
21 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie discusses some aesthetic revisions she would like to make in 2022, discovers her husband's childhood attempts at poetry and goes over some cele...
Por Qué
17 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie makes a strong case for mother of the year with her Valentine’s Day dedication to Clyde and his grown up vocabulary, explains to Andrew what ...
No Curation
10 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie has been struck by divine inspiration for her backyard renovation and talks about her grand welcome to the stone yard, Clyde’s night in Abu G...
Linear Lantern Energy
03 Feb 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie continues to persevere through facial paralysis to bring you a recap of the Grammys and Clyde’s visit to urgent care, while also taking a mom...
Mommy's a Bitch!
27 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is back from the clinic with 110 units of youthful rejuvenation and fighting through facial paralysis to discuss Emily Maynard’s baby, Taylor...
Bitch Bible Classics: Isn't She Lovely!
24 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie desperately tries to eradicate her previously questionable behavior by giving the world a wholesome (not really), informative (kinda) and intel...
lol Sorry
20 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie mistakenly posts videos about a friend, replies to the wrong message in the most Jackie way possible, and picks the best song from 2016 to play...
Name the Puppy
13 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is sticking with her New Years resolution and sets the financial record straight, does a deep dive into Ashley Tisdale’s toxic mom group,&nbs...
Perfectly Puffy
06 Jan 2026
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is back and resolves to be bitchier than ever in 2026, laments the derth of proper entertainment, and recaps her first holiday off in years tha...
Bitch Bible Holiday Classics: New Year, Same Bitch
30 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie greets 2019 with the same morally flexibility of years prior. She breaks down the post holiday blues, her friendship with Taylor Swift, the Gol...
Bitch Bible Holiday Classics: Hoe Hoe Hoe with Heather McMahan
23 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie chats with good friend Heather McMahan to purge their souls pre-Holiday festivities and find eternal optimism in unlikely places.Thanks for sup...
Bitch Bible Classics: The B*tch That Stole Christmas
20 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie celebrates Chrismukkah early by spreading joy (not) on all things festive and annoying. From targeting innocent civilians, berating Bachelor co...
Ratatouille
16 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie gives an update on Rat Search 2025, gives Diddy the dressing down he deserves, and critiques Bethenny Frankel’s home decor.Thanks for support...
Acid Reflux à la Heather
10 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is back stateside and recaps her trip to Paris with Heather McMahan, puts on the performance of a lifetime in an attempt to get a leather appoi...
Yelping
02 Dec 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie has changed her Yelping ways and writes not one, but two powerful, glowing reviews for a local oyster bar, reviews Wicked for Good, and goes co...
The Progressive Parisian Princess
25 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie counts down the days to her Paris trip, beams with pride at Clyde’s love of schadenfreude, and gives thanks for hoes in multiple area codes.T...
A Tinned Fish Bish
18 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie takes a well earned deep breath following the completion of the Dim the Lights tour, rails against the glorification of tinned fish, and advise...
Bitch Bible Classics: Yo Soy Loco
15 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie announces some exciting news (don't worry, she is not pregnant) drops some spicy marital advice and tackles religion (why?).Thanks for supporti...
Bush Concert
12 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie recounts the inappropriate attire at the Sabrina Carpenter show in Nashville, plans a second heist at the Louvre, and extols the benefits of he...
Low Glam with Amanda McCants
04 Nov 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is joined by Amanda McCants to discuss being late, Westlake mom’s, Amanda’s recent breakup, and everything on her hate list.Thanks for supp...
Drops of Stupider
28 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is back from her San Fransisco redemption show, and discusses the perfect soundtrack for a plane crash, takes family photos before Andrew loses...
WWHKD, Baby
21 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie’s back with new extensions and shoulder pads to discuss fostering a child at the park for 8 minutes, clarify that she is not a rat with a mic...
Bitch Bible Classics: Apologies In Advance
18 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie recounts her recent social encounters, pays homage to her favorite celebrities and alienates 96% of her listeners.Thanks for supporting my spon...
Dissipitation
14 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie discusses her recent staycation and the benefits of sympathy upgrades, her thoughts on The Life of a Showgirl, and the heavy burden of being de...
Bleak Lively (feat. Chunky Lowlights)
07 Oct 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is joined by the incredible Michelle Collins to discuss, fixing and being fixed in relationships, bringing back bullying and shame, and why the...
Pusillanimous
30 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Alone in the trenches of her home this week, Jackie discusses how some people need to be punched to get some grit, names the greatest trait in a house...
You Never Know When It’s Time to Demo
23 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is feeling loose after a couple drinks, and plans a bathroom renovation, laments the clothes that got away, and previews Off Brand October.See ...
Bitch Bible Classics: A Woman Unhinged
20 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is back from Australia, jet-lagged and bitchier than ever. She recounts her unlucky flying history, Real Housewives and why Bermuda shorts are ...
Uprooted
16 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie loses sleep over Amy Bradley, gets into a fight with a girl from high school, and recalls how much simpler the early 2000’s were. And of cour...
Munchausen By Proxy
09 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie recounts a beautiful experience with Clyde feeling unwell, books a flight for Paris, and explains the Princess Treatment, Red Nail Theory, and ...
The Summer I Turned Petty
03 Sep 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie recaps the sick game Belly is playing in The Summer I Turned Pretty, discusses Clyde’s aspirations to be the next Mikhail Baryshnikov, elabor...
With Hate, John Hill
26 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie sits down with living sculpture John Hill to discuss his sobriety, the most trouble he’s ever been in for something he said on the radio, a s...
A Bitch Bible Extravaganza Birthday Celebration for the Masses
19 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
It's Jacqueline Taylor Schimmel-Haas' birthday, and she's been preparing for months her 2025 list of things she hates - some are broad, some are niche...
Bitch Bible Classics: Wanderlust, Sparkles and Braille Buttholes
16 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie gets her sphincter lasered, creates a fake Instagram for her husband, and has the harsh realization that she may never see Cheryl again.See Pri...
The Lion Portal is Open
12 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie deals with a biohazard event with her drunken sorority sister Clyde, chastises the internet for its mediocrity and lack of intelligence, and do...
Going Clear
05 Aug 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie suspects she has been bugged by Scientology after her live show in Clearwater, discusses the real problem with Madi Prewett’s husband, and th...
Urine on the Dance Floor
29 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
How much does Jackie hate the beach? Let her count the ways…Jackie suggests JoJo Siwa is in desperate need of a transformational, spiritual journey ...
Instant Showmanship
22 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie recaps the first leg of her Dim the Lights tour, discovers that she is brave and vulnerable, and introduces Clyde to the bright lights of show ...
Bitch Bible Classics: Me Against The Music
19 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie deals with her Grammy nomination snub, why some funerals feel like low budge Coachella and delights with some new poetry she penned after a few...
Recreationally Crazy
15 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is joined by Olympic figure skater Adam Rippon to discuss Chat GPT's lies, waxing mishaps, and Adam's obsession with collecting stone fruit, cr...
The Pickling Princess
08 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie takes up pickling, shoots up at a child’s birthday party in the park, and goes over her tour packing-list that will almost certainly get Josh...
Pop Culture News with Jackie
01 Jul 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie mourns the death of quiet luxury, heralded by Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez’s childhood-trampoline-park-Chuck-E-Cheese style wedding invitati...
Deep and Niche
24 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie recounts a harrowing experience trying to buy candle pillars for grandma Gloria, has a religious experience with a pink canvas Bottega jacket, ...
Dead Jackie
18 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie addresses some public scrutiny from a recent radio appearance, discusses what Labubu represents, talks shit on Andrew for party mix, and reveal...
Bitch Bible Classic: She's Back
14 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie makes her highly anticipated (not really) return and attempts to breeze into 2018 with the finesse of a young Grace Kelly. Until she is confron...
Erase/Rewind
10 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is solo parenting this week and explains why Andrew's use of the words "Cozy" and "Chilly" is grounds for divorce. She also gives the single be...
The Reverse Bethenny
03 Jun 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie advises JLo and Sydney Sweeney to approach life from a place of 'no', gives her opinion on personalized license plates and Disney adults, and a...
Tradgiki Tzatziki
27 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie discusses bearing the burden of other people's stupidity, her new obsession with Dianna Agron's longing for a simple life with früt, and plans...
Eating Is Cheating
20 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie discusses her pre-menstrual cycle dreams, announces her (presumably) Sundance and Cannes award-winning live show, and gives updates on the Didd...
Bitch Bible Classics: Bitching in Hell
17 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is joined by Hannah Berner to discuss a myriad of things that will ultimately get them the presidential suite whilst burning in the depths of h...
Rental Kelly
13 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie sits down with Stassi Schroeder to discuss Vanderpump Villa, their purple and yellow auras, Parseltongue, and the foundational principals and t...
Mercury Rising
06 May 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie reveals a recent medical diagnosis, discusses her influencer weekend in Cabo, and plans a tripych for her gallery wall of shame.Thanks for supp...
Nebbiolo Tits
29 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie and Tinx go on their second podcast date and talk Stagecoach, Jackie’s brand trip rebellion, and Tinx’s sparkly new book, “Hotter in the ...
No Doute About It
22 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie sits down with Kristen Doute, the undisputed star of The Valley, to discuss how the cast has changed, her daughter's nursery decor, and busking...
Bitch Bible Classics: Sister Act!
19 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is joined by her sister to reminisce on problematic child behavior, Alex McCord and a bunch of other shit Jackie can't remember because she doe...
Living on a Main Road
15 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie gets an NAD+ injection and discovers the connection between hair extensions and brain worms.Thanks for supporting my sponsors!GDEFY: Use the co...
Triple Axel, Untouched
08 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie hurls a fellatory insult at a woman standing in her parking spot, has a romantic encounter with her Uber driver, and reveals her idea for a shi...
Right On Time
01 Apr 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie celebrates the glory of Kate Hudson, discusses side hustles and the perfect Deluxe Martini recipe, and writes Clyde a beautifully poignant emai...
Jacqueline of Indian Wells
25 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie was feeling joyous and effervescent this weekend when she recorded a banger of an episode, but due to computer issues that episode is gone fore...
Fiscal & Feisty
18 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is joined by the one and only Max Bronner to discuss living in a deficit, Trader Joe's Tomato Leaf candles, and Jackie's trauma dump. Thanks fo...
Bitch Bible Classics: Roses Are Red...
15 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie embodies a modern day Shakespeare with some freestyle poetry, an homage to Alex McCord and why she might sue Jeff Bezos.Thanks for supporting m...
Microannoying
11 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie presents a Meghan Markle case study, decides to travel to Paris in economy as a woman of the people, and explains why kids should smoke.Thanks ...
Oriental Rug?
04 Mar 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie welcomes Zachariah and Jonathan from the Camp Counselors Podcast to talk about decorating trends, tootling, home ownership, and to perform t.A....
We're Tapping, We're Tapping
25 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie has been in a very pleasant mood recently, so it's time to let out some pent up bitchiness, get off the Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni merry-g...
Evil Whiperer
18 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie's recording on Valentine's Day and describes her solo outing with Clyde at the Cheesecake Factory, and runs into a young Jeffrey Dahmer at the ...
Bitch Bible Classics: Monster Masterclass
15 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie goes back to basics and teaches a masterclass on leading with your inner psycho. She fine tunes her betrayal course of action plan and recounts...
Let Them.
11 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
A very special Super Bowl episode - Jackie discusses Kendrick Lamar's flawless half time show, the strange pairing of testosterone and too much food, ...
Be Brief, Be Bright, Be Gone
04 Feb 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie discusses falling in, and then quickly out of, love with a piano, compliments and critiques the Grammy's fashion, performances, and bangs, and ...
Respected, Not Relevant
28 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is nursing a hangover, but bravely pushes through to talk about her role as a trophy wife at Grammy’s Parties, give a controversial take on R...
Introducing: Horoscope Weekly with Aliza Kelly
23 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Join Aliza Kelly every Monday as she decodes the latest astrological events and provides detailed, personalized horoscopes from Aries to Pisces, with ...
Minimalist Dream
21 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie addresses her follicular-debris inspired divorce post on Instagram, praises the artistic masterpiece that is RHOSLC, and discusses the most rec...
Bitch Bible Classics: Are Balls Webbed?
18 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie enters another dangerous stream of consciousness after learning about her astrological chart. She discusses the atrocity of gender reveals, Ch...
Spread Joy, Not Embers
16 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie roasts the RHOSLC reunion looks, yells at a racist man at the farmer’s market, and lets you know why the TikTok ban just isn’t that importa...
With Hate, Jackie
07 Jan 2025
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie kicks off the new year by continuing her Justin Baldoni/Blake Lively investigation, roasting the Golden Globes red carpet, and sharing her high...
Baby Girl
31 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie and Max discuss New Years Resolutions, Jackie reviews Baby Girl, A Complete Unknown, and Challengers, and rips festive ice cubes. Thanks for ...
Bitch Bible Holiday Classics: A Latke and Too Much Vodka
24 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Happy Hanukkah-Eve! We’re celebrating the best way we know how — by re-releasing Jackie’s 2018 drunk Hanukkah episode. Jackie dunks on the Victo...
Bitch Bible Holiday Classics: I’m Literally So Sorry.
17 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
This week, we’re reminiscing on Jackie’s Christmas past, and taking you back to 2021, when Jackie had one too many Christmas martinis and decided ...
Bitch Bible Classics: Excusez Moi!
14 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie talks about bringing Grandma Gloria to "Paris" and how she nearly died over steak frites, why Andrew and her almost divorced and what to do whe...
Outlet Mall Madness
10 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie and Max do some hard-hitting journalism on Jacob Elordi’s beard, go over Jackie’s breakdown at the Cabazon outlets, and get into the holida...
Bad Gay
03 Dec 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Max is back to discuss Jackie's mold infestation, why everyone needs a rich friend, and how Ariana Grande did the world a favor by licking that donut....
Anything you can do, I can do better!
26 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie declares that she can beat anyone in a fight, mourns the glory days of RHONY, and deep-dives toxic traits with bff Max Bronner. Thanks for supp...
Not warm, not cool
19 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie recovers from a traumatic slash disease riddled weekend with best friend Max Bronner to discuss amateur design tips and tricks, toxic personali...
Bitch Bible Classics: Call Us Daddy
16 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie sits down with Alex Cooper from the "Call Her Daddy" podcast to talk about her public media crisis, psychological warfare, friend break ups, pl...
I Get Rocks
12 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is ready to abandon her family, has a deeply bizarre foot massage and recaps housewives, the "Wicked" premiere, Boursin cheese recipes and toxi...
Just Thrive with Tina Anderson
07 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie sits down with Just Thrive CEO Tina Anderson to discuss gut health, bathroom regularity, and the disrupting forces of fire season and Big Pharm...
Paralyzed and Traumatized
05 Nov 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie has a dysport malfunction, continues Off Brand October with some holiday decor mishaps, recaps dorky celebrity halloween photoshoots, and start...
Never Full
29 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie yearns for nostalgia by antiquing, making a case for the "Never Full" comeback, why low contrast makeup is next level dumb, and answers some mo...
Little Miss Sunshine!
22 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is having a rough week and recaps a current stalker situation, takes down TMZ, and congratulates Britney Spears on her nuptials! Thanks for ...
Snowed Thin!
15 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie recaps her trip to Boston and appearance on the "Call Her Daddy" tour, reignites beef with her community college bully, discusses pop culture h...
Bitch Bible Classics: Spanx On a Plane
12 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is back on American soil and recaps her trip, all the pop culture happenings she missed and why she shouldn't carry mace. Thanks for supporti...
On The Hamster Wheel
08 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie is having a rough day and recaps her new favorite shows, why integrating braids into your hairstyles is a cry for help, issues a PSA to Lady Ga...
She Leaves A Little Sparkle!
03 Oct 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie kicks off Off Brand October with some toxic positivity! She celebrates solitude, self love, Diddy's destiny, and connects with her community!! ...
Mo Money, Mo Clippies
24 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie breaks down Diddy-gate, recaps Real Housewives, Bennifer re-uniting, and her new affinity for Costco! Thanks for supporting my sponsors! CBDist...
Bitch Bible Classics: Bikeshort Regrets with Brad Goreski
21 Sep 2024
Contributed by Lukas
Jackie sits down with Brad Goreski to talk fashion, housewives and marital psychotic moments. Thanks for supporting my sponsors!Sono Bello: Lea...