“Are bank details on a wedding invite the new norm?”
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What do wedding invitations reveal about guests’ expectations and costs?
Welcome back. Now we are going to talk all things weddings because it is high season for weddings, but there's many dynamics at play and trips and falls between the invite being sent out and the big day itself. So plenty to talk about here. I'm joined by Jenny McCarthy and... And Alison Keating, psychologist, to talk about all of this today. Jenny, you're a photographer. It is high season. It's peak season, as I say.
Yeah.
You're not you're not working today, though. Are Sunday weddings a thing?
I try not to know. I do have one coming up in a couple of weeks, but I try to keep my Sundays free because it's family day, really. And it's the only time I see himself and the kids, you know. So, yeah, I try to keep them free.
You have to draw the line at one day at least, but it's such an incredibly busy time of the year, I'd say, for you. Let's start off, right, when we come to weddings and the etiquette and the do's and the don'ts and the psychology around it all, of course, Alison, with the invitation. And people can view that hand-tied, embellished, wax-sealed... cards that comes through the door in many different ways can't they like for some it is a dream day a brilliant outing and they love a good wedding from a guest point of view from others though it's not always greeted with the same enthusiasm
Well, I would say, you know, and I've spoken to so many different people about this. So when you've got a huge bunch of friends and they're all kind of the same age, they're all getting married at the same time. So you could have you could have 15 weddings in one year, you know, and and you want to go to all of those weddings because they're all your mates. And you want them to come to yours and they're bloody expensive, you know. So when you think about us like women, we don't want to wear the same dress to two different weddings that, you know, the same people are going to be at. So there's the expense of, you know, giving them the card, which we probably talk about in a few minutes, how much to put in it.
You know, your hotel room, your outfit, your hair, your makeup, your drink for the day. So each wedding, if you're going and you're staying a night, when you take into consideration all of those things, it's about a grand. Yeah. Is it an invitation or is it an invoice? It's an invoice.
Yeah.
That sounds really mean.
It does. It sounds a bit crass, doesn't it? Yeah, I know. We'll try and keep it the positive. We absolutely will. This is the most wonderful day of people's lives after all. But like Alison, you know, there is that whole idea about the fun night away. But then there's also the cost to consider. But are there also people who would dread it just from the point of view of it being such a big social occasion?
Oh, yeah, absolutely. And like Jenny's saying, even if we take it down to the level of, say, you're not, you can feel a lot of pressure if you haven't seen people in a while that you want to look your best. So if you're not feeling your best and you haven't seen them, you say in 10 years, they're like. I find that women sometimes can be very hard on themselves and kind of get into a bit of a spiral of negativity about how they look, comparing themselves to other people. Obviously, there's the expense part, but at a personal level, everybody views that invitation kind of differently. And for someone, it's like, oh, my God, amazing. This is going to be a fabulous day. And it actually has nothing to do sometimes with the people getting married.
It's more a reflection of how you socialize. You know, if you're quite extroverted, you mightn't even think of these things. But for the introvert or for someone who's kind of really uncomfortable in situations where that kind of small talk at the beginning of the dinner.
Yeah. And are they all already, are people already thinking ahead to those key moments that could be real stress points for them?
So this is people that may perhaps have kind of existing, you know, anxiety. So that kind of, you know, anticipatory anxiety and dread comes up.
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Chapters
5 chapters
1
What do wedding invitations reveal about guests’ expectations and costs?
0:00–4:13
2
How does social anxiety shape guests’ reactions to wedding invites and plus-one rules?
4:13–14:09
3
When is it OK to ask for a plus one or bring children to a wedding?
14:09–24:12
4
Can you skip a wedding and still send a gift — what should you give?
24:12–27:26
5
How much cash is expected as a wedding gift and how is ‘covering your plate’ calculated?
27:26–29:41