Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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Just a warning at the start, this episode contains a fair bit of filth.
Yeah, we just sort of lost our minds, didn't we?
This is audio soft porn, really. Enjoy. January 1566.
Chapter 2: What desperate measures does Mary take to secure her claim to the throne?
Holyrood Palace, Scotland. Lord Henry Darnley's heart hammers in his chest as he leads 50 armed lords through the corridors. He stops at the door of Mary's private apartments, grips the hilt of his dagger, raises his other hand to halt the lords, hoping they can't see how much he's trembling. Today we change Scotland for the better. He gives a nod. watches one of the lords kick the door open.
Darnley leads the charge into the room, his eyes searching for Mary. He fixes on her at a table with her secretary, her auburn locks loose on her shoulders. Her hand flies to her protruding belly as her ladies huddle around her looking terrified. He hears her voice crack as she speaks. My husband, what is this? Darnley pushes his chest out, clears his throat.
I have reason to believe you've been conducting relations with this man. He points a trembling finger towards her secretary, who shuffles towards the door. Mary's face clouds with confusion. Darnley feels a prickle of guilt. He ignores it. He must stick to the plan. BELL RINGS But as he steps towards her, a piercing scream echoes through the room. Darnley spins round.
His eyes widen in horror as he takes in the secretary, now on his knees, a dagger buried in his back. A chill runs down his spine as another lord rips the dagger from the man's back and strikes a second blow. Darnley sees Mary try to reach for him, only for someone to roughly pull her from her chair. Darnley freezes as the man points a gun at her stomach. No, wait, my hair.
Do not be fooled, Your Majesty. The child is a bastard.
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Chapter 3: How does Darnley's jealousy impact his relationship with Mary?
Darnley forces a nod. He stares at Mary, who eyeballs him with pure hatred. You will go to hell for such lies. Darnley swallows hard. He cannot show any weakness now. He struggles to hide his revulsion as the nobles pass the dagger to each other, striking the secretary like frenzied animals. Blood sprays across Mary's gown, her face. Then another one of the lords turns his way.
You must make the final rule. You must do it. Azar king. Darnley feels bile bubble up in his throat. His eyes move to Mary's ghost-white face. All he wants to do is run to her, tell her he's sorry. The word hangs there. Darnley knows he can't betray any hint of weakness. He takes the dagger. It's warm, sticky. The secretary looks up at him, betrayed.
Then Darnley plunges the blade into the man's chest. There's silence. Darnley meets Mary's gaze again, this time with defiance. You are deposed, Mary, on grounds of adultery. I will be the King of Scotland now. From Audible, I'm Matt Ford.
And I'm Alice Levine.
And this is British Scandal. Alice, give me your thoughts so far on Mary, Queen of Scots.
OK, she's smart. She's ambitious, obviously. Charismatic. She's a Catholic queen ruling a Protestant country. So she has to be bold. She obviously has to have serious backbone and self-belief. But as well as that, this kind of hardened steeliness, she is a bit of a romantic, totally heartbroken when her husband dies. And then she wants to find a new husband, but not just anyone.
You know, she wants to have a connection and she seems to sort of believe in love.
Yes, and this is all in the context of her relationship with her cousin, our great and noble Queen Elizabeth I. Yes, of course.
So her ultimate goal is to dethrone Elizabeth, to become more powerful than her. But as we learned last episode, she can no longer rely on this sisterly bond to shore up her future. And so she's in a really vulnerable position. She's isolated as this Catholic queen. She's a bit of an island because she's surrounded by Protestant lords plotting for her demise.
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Chapter 4: What events lead to the violent confrontation in Mary's private apartments?
She takes in his broad shoulders and narrow waist. The light brown wavy hair that brushes his shoulders. His blue eyes hold her gaze with an intensity that makes her heart skip. Can I say, I think we should have more of this in British Scandal. I really enjoyed reading that out. Yeah, it was sexy as hell, wasn't it? Do you think as you get older you're more into that sort of thing or not?
You're older and you're deeply aroused, so you tell me. Also, I feel like this is a lovely illustration of how beauty norms and ideals change.
So this man was described by Mary as the most attractive long man she'd ever seen. And he was known around society at the time as a cock chick. A cock chick? Yes, a cock chick means that he had slightly feminine looks. The man bows. Beside him, an older man steps forward. Your Majesty, my son, Lord Henry Darnley. Mary sucks in her breath as Darnley straightens.
Would Your Majesty honour me with this dance? Mary allows him to lead her away. She gasps at his high athletic leaps.
LAUGHTER
He draws eyes from all over the room. Her stomach flips as Darnley grabs her waist and lifts her clean off the floor, turning her so fast her skirts fan out around them. She leans breathless against him. You dance well, my lord. As does your majesty. Perhaps our talent runs in the blood. We are cousins after all.
I didn't know it could get sexier.
That was the chap line of the day. I believe we're related.
I love that you've got grandma's eyes.
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Chapter 5: How does Mary's decision to marry Bothwell affect her reign?
He presses his crown into his head, feels his nerves calm as Mary places a hand upon his and smiles. To, um... To my queen, whose beauty almost makes up for all the stern-faced Protestant counsellors I'm now forced to endure. Darnley expects laughter. Instead, he's met with silence. Darnley's throne when Mary rises. My husband jests, of course. Darnley feels his cheeks flush.
To Scotland and to her king and queen united. Darnley slumps into his chair. He flinches as his father hisses in his ear. Get a grip, boy. Later, in Mary's chamber, Darnley paces as she removes her jewellery. Your council has deferred to you, but they have no respect for my crown. Because I commend them. He watches her move towards him. Tonight is our wedding night. Let us not speak of this now.
No business, just business.
Just before we get down to it, I do like to talk about how to motivate stakeholders.
Now, get your tits out. Get your tits out!
I don't think I've heard get your tits out for about 20 years.
You forget I'm a retro misogynist.
Darnley feels his anxiety drain away as Mary touches his cheek, her wanton eyes beguiling him. In this room, you can have all the power you like. Darnley's eyes lower as Mary's dress slips from her shoulders. He kisses her neck, is thrilled by her hungry response. This is the first time he's felt in control all day. He moves his lips to her ear, whispers.
Anyone who disrespects me, will you punish them? Show them I'm in charge. He notes the flash of surprise that crosses her face. Henry, I... Darnley leans forward again and kisses her neck. It would invigorate me in every regard. Darnley moves to Mary's collarbone. He smiles as her breath quickens. I... I'll do anything you want. He watches Mary's eyes flutter closed. Say I'm in charge.
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Chapter 6: What are the consequences of Darnley's murder for Mary and Scotland?
I'm not saying that. I'm just saying he doesn't strike me as particularly. But maybe I've underestimated him. I mean, there's only one way for me to find this out, and that's for Charles to accept my challenge. And let me watch. Oh, my God. Five months later, December 1565, Holyrood Palace. Mary adjusts the bodice of her crimson gown to reveal more décolletage.
The King will find you impossible to resist, Your Majesty. Mary examines herself in her looking-glass. She's seen to it that Darnley has been given more control over her counsellors and courtiers this last few months, and his confidence has grown as a result.
Unfortunately, so too has his drinking, meaning less time spent in her bed and less possibility of producing a precious heir to claim England's throne. It's been too long since he visited my room. I am missing his attributes. According to our research, as well as being one, he also possessed a massive dick.
Can we say that?
Yeah.
OK, cool.
Well, it's a compliment, isn't it?
What, being a massive dick?
Having one. You're giving them one hand and, you know, needing two to hold it. Mary eyes the ladies knowingly. And they dissolve into giggles. Mary strides down the hallway. and pushes open the door to Darnley's room, her playful greeting prepared. My king, I wish to see your most powerful scepter. Mary freezes.
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Chapter 7: How does Mary respond to the growing unrest among her subjects?
She keeps running until she reaches her chamber. Sobs rack her body as she slams the door.
Mary, I beg you, please, let me explain.
Mary leans against the wall as her ladies rush over. Nausea rises up through her chest, then her legs buckle and give way beneath her. Half an hour later, Mary blinks her eyelids awake and slowly makes out a physician leaning over her. She turns to her left to see Darnley is beside him and he's beaming. My darling, I have the most wonderful news. You're with child.
Mary feels warmth flood her body. Pregnant? I'm... I'm pregnant? She instinctively moves her palm onto her belly. Then Darnley places his hand on hers and memory strikes. The betrayal, the humiliation. She pulls her hand away. I am so sorry for my aberration. It will never happen again. Mary's jaw locks as a coolness takes hold. Darnley has made a fool of her. She cannot forgive that.
And now there's an heir on the way. She doesn't need to. Instead, she's going to get revenge in the cruelest way possible. Two weeks later, January 1566, Edinburgh. Darnley enters his chambers to find his valet by his dresser, holding a small gift box. Your Majesty, the Queen's secretary delivered this. Darnley feels his heart swell.
Mary hasn't let him near her since she discovered his indiscretion. This present can only mean one thing.
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Chapter 8: What pivotal choice does Mary make regarding her future and her child?
He's finally forgiven. He snatches the box and opens it. His smile widens as he takes in a roll of freshly minted coins. Last month, Darnley proposed his portrait should be made bigger than Mary's on Scotland's money, as befits a king's status. When Darnley pulls a coin out, his stomach drops. His face has been made smaller.
His hand trembles as he turns it over to find his name now appears under the Queen's, not above. What is the meaning of this? But his valet has gone. Darnley bolts his fist around the coin and stomps down the corridor to Mary's chamber. He finds her snapping at one of her counsellors. I have no wish for further discussion. You are dismissed. Darnley waits for the Lord to leave.
He's unnerved as Mary's stern expression morphs into a serene smile. My love, I thought I would see you this morning. Darnley holds the coin up. What is the meaning of this, Mary? As king, I should be... He stops as Mary steps forward, her smile tightening. Well, that's just it. You are no longer king. Darnley's mouth goes bone dry. You cannot do that. We made a proclamation.
Proclamations can be unmade. This will offer clear instruction to the people to treat you accordingly. Mary, you're having my child. I realise I wronged you, but I love you and you love me. Don't do this. Darnley stays on her, eyes imploring her. He will be a laughing stock in court. He'll never be able to face his father again.
For a brief moment, he's sure he sees a flicker of indecision cross her face. Then she jerks her hands from his, stiffens. You have fulfilled your purpose. From now on, we are no more than queen and consort. Darnley feels the room spin. He's been reduced to no more than a breeding stud. He slams out and is startled to find the dismissed counselor lingering in the corridor.
A bitterness hits Darnley's throat as the man turns a newly minted coin between his fingers. She can be cruel, your majesty. And I fear this is just the start. Darnley recoils as the man leans in and whispers. But many of us share your frustration with her. Now she is with child, she has started to overestimate her... agency. Darnley darkens.
These nobles have only ever shown him contempt before now. Well, perhaps if you'd taken my crown more seriously... We could be persuaded to if certain provisions were made for power, land, religion. Darnley's eyes widen as he realises what the Lord is proposing. Ooh, a coup. Yes, and to be clear, a coup in Scotland can mean a cow, but this is a different type of Highland coup.
Thank you for that.
Obviously, we know at the time, sectarianism is the major issue here, and Lord Morton is a Protestant, and what he's saying to the Catholic Darnley is, you go easy on the Protestants, and we'll support you toppling her and becoming king. I have no grounds to depose, Mary. Grounds can always be created. Darnley fixes him, uncertain. The man flips the coin, offers a toothy grin.
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