Chapter 1: What is the main topic discussed in this episode?
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Chapter 2: What extravagant gift did the guest receive on her date?
Oh, that's cute. Bought you a star? Yeah, I mean, I looked at it. The certificate with my name on it and it says the coordinates of it.
And it's officially registered with the National Space Registry. Cool. Wow.
And what did he name it? The most beautiful star in the universe?
He named it Sarah Star.
That's how the other one was taken. That's Alexis and Star. That's cute. Much better than a bouquet of flowers. That is unique. I'll say that's pretty wild because that's the first, what, half hour of your date? Yeah. How did you react when he showed you the certificate? I mean, I thought it was so sweet I almost cried. Wow. So you love the romance. And he was reading it right, you know?
So what happened? And then he took out some tequila and we cheered. Then we kind of fooled around a little bit.
Oh, yeah, you did.
Sounds like a great date. What else do you do in the dark area of town? You make out under your own stars. That's a supernova. Okay. That's a good science joke. This sounds like it's going really, really good.
Yeah, I mean, it was the most magical thing. No guy has ever done that for me before, not even boyfriends, and it was so special.
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Chapter 3: How did the date start and what was the setting?
What up? Good morning. Are you serious? Oh, you know the show? Absolutely. Oh, you do listen. Well, we appreciate you listening. This is awkward. Yeah. No, we don't normally get this, so this is actually better. That means if you listen, you probably have heard these before we do these segments called Second Date Update. Yeah. Because someone reached out about you.
Somebody that you haven't seen for almost an entire month. But man, did you guys have a romantic night?
Yeah.
Her name's Sarah. Say that name again. Oh, phone broke up? Maybe. Sarah. Oh, okay. Sarah. Okay. Yeah, I think so. You think so?
What?
No, Sarah. Like, Sarah Star. Maybe because it was a month ago. Yeah. Do you know who we're talking about? No, but I know the show. He said no. What do you mean no, Paul? I know the show, though. Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. I do agree it is more important that you know our show, so I'm with you there. You can always revert to that. Are you joking? Maybe he's joking.
No, I always knew that this would come back to bite me, but this is... This would come back? What is this? What are you talking about? All right, but look, before I say any more, you guys got to tell me what you know about this. Oh, no.
He wants to experience the whole bit. All right.
He wants to know what we know. We'll play the game. So Sarah told us that she went out on, like, the date of a lifetime with you. Yeah, she did. You don't even remember her. She told us that your date together was unlike any other guy she's ever been with. You did something so special for her and took her to a place in the city where you could see the night sky. Oh, yeah, exactly. I crushed it.
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Chapter 4: What unique experience did Paul create during the date?
Well, that's sweet of him to say. Why should I trust you? But you've got to realize it's the effort that went into it. You know, that star that you have has a blue tint, and there's not a lot of those in the universe, and I picked that one specifically because it matches your beautiful eyes. Wow. That is so sweet and thoughtful. And not cheating. The sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me.
No, Sarah, don't fall for it again. I love love. Can you guys please shut up? I want to hear what he has to say. Yeah, Brooke, stop thinking like a woman and be quiet. Yeah, seriously, you guys got to pipe down. Okay. All right, all right. What else do you got to say there, Paul? Yeah, you two talk to each other.
Sarah, and to be honest, look, and I know 30 days is a long time, and I have a good excuse. I do have another surprise for you. Oh, no. Really? Wow, he's been planning. I don't know if I should believe you. No, you shouldn't. Well, let's hear him out, though, at least. He didn't even remember her name. He got there eventually. Sarah, as God is my witness, I bought you a moon. What?
You bought me a moon?
You're sticking with the same shtick? Yeah. Can you guys please shut the f*** up? I'm trying to work here. Oh, okay. Wow. Stop trying to block romance.
Yeah.
I'm sorry about that, Paul. So, Sarah, listen to me, not to them. Okay. The reason it took 30 days to get this moon, A, it's more expensive, but just dealing with the ins and outs of the International Space Registry, with the tariffs and so many delays, it's been a complete nightmare. But I finally was able to pull it off, and now... You are one of the owners of one of Saturn's moons. Wow.
I feel like his printer just broke for a month. Moons are more rare than stars. You don't believe this, do you? I'm on the fence.
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Chapter 5: What emotional reaction did Sarah have to the star gift?
Wow. Did you just forget the last 10 minutes of your life?
Well, I mean, I believe him that he said that he's done this many times before with other women, but I
I didn't hear that he's given anybody a moon ever. Yeah. Wow, that's level two. Yeah, Sarah, I did that. If you will go with me, I would love to show you that moon on Saturday, and I'll bring the tequila. So you just didn't do another car makeout session on Saturday? He did say that was his goal. Yeah, she heard it. Sarah, if you only want a makeout session, I think this is great. Yeah.
I would like a moon also. Yeah. Hey. Did you hear the part where he doesn't buy them? Yeah. Yeah, she forgets it a lot. Maybe in a year you'll get a whole galaxy all in your name. That's what I'm saying, man. She used to buy you a black hole. It's no longer the Milky Way we live in. It's actually just Sarah's galaxy. The same way.
Okay, Brooke's just jealous because her husband bought her a dish rack. He really did. Let's not take that into consideration. I should have had this conversation with... That is a good point. Much easier to manipulate her that way. We'll let you have all the conversations that you two want to have if you'll agree to go out with Sarah one more time because we would pay for that, Paul.
It doesn't cost much, Jeff. You're right, Brooke, but it comes with a certificate for the restaurant that we're sending them to. Oh, you printed that out?
Yes.
And a dollar sign with the amount of money that's on the card. Oh, fancy. It's pretty official, Paul, if you'll say yes. I'm 100% on board. Oh. You may be the first woman in his life that got a dinner. Sarah, you've been pretty quiet for a while. What do you think about going out with Paul again? I would love to. What? What? Oh, my God. Yes, you made the best choice, babe.
You're going to have such a great time. That's because he forgot her name again. I'm investigative journalist Melissa Jeltsin.
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Chapter 6: Why has Sarah not heard from Paul after their date?
Where is that? Why is it wet? Boy, do we have a show for you. From smartless media, campsite media, and big money players comes Crimeless. Join me, Josh Dean, investigative journalist. And me, Rory Scovel, comedian, as we celebrate the amazing creativity of the world's dumbest criminals. We'll look into some of the silliest ways folks have broken the laws.
Honestly, it feels more like a high-level prank than a crime. Who catfishes a city? And meet some memorable antiheroes. There are thousands of angry, horny monkeys. Clap if you think she's a witch and it freaks you out. He has x-ray vision. How could I not follow him? Honestly, I gotta follow him. He can see right through me.
Listen to Crimeless on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Why do I feel like I'm the only one in the room that's excited we got a yes? Yeah, you are. It's too much cynical commentary in here. Like, I don't like that. It's disingenuous. Oh, he lied to her and made up his own certificate. Yes, he didn't remember her name. Yeah, okay.
But he didn't say all the details. She heard all the details and she forgave all the details. Exactly, Jose.
Thank you.
I think she ignored all the details. That's different than forgiveness.
Yes.
Listen, if a young man wants to buy a fake constellation for a woman and they see that as romantic, who are we to tell them it's not?
Sure. She loved it. He printed. He didn't print out. Even that was enough for her.
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