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Chapter 1: What is the premise of Battle of the Tinder Dates?
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Hey, everyone. This is Tati Mellencamp. And Tamara Judge from Two Teas in a Pod. There's been one scandal that's consumed our lives these last couple of months.
Chapter 2: Who are the contestants in today's Tinder date battle?
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Chapter 3: What are some of the worst date stories shared by the contestants?
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Chapter 4: How does Picture Frame James describe his most tragic date?
The question is, whose love life is more tragic? It's Battle of the Tinder Dates.
It is the dating game show that says anyone can lady in the tramp a spaghetti noodle, but true romantics eight-way it on the legs of a fried octopus and all meet right in the middle. It's Battle of the Tinder Dates, where two of our listeners go head-to-head to figure out whose love life is the most tragic. I think that octopus's life is the most tragic.
We'll go over the rules in just a second, but first, let's meet today's contestants. In this corner, he likes to woo his dates by photoshopping them to show what their life would look like if they got married with seven kids and hangs them all over his apartment. That's how he became known as Picture Frames James.
Oh.
What's up? What's up? Do you keep him up after the women run? No. On to the next girl. And in the other corner, on a first date, he loves to play the This Little Piggy game and really focuses on how naughty that big toe piggy was. And that's why the ladies call him Hallux Alex. Yo, yo. Alex, you sit real good for a big toe. That is the smartest joke you've ever told on this show. Deep cut.
I don't ever remember there being a naughty toe in that story, by the way. In Alex's story, there is. Okay. Here's how the game works. One contestant will start by telling one of their worst date stories. The other will try to counter with a nightmare story of their own. We'll go back and forth for three rounds until we declare a winner. Let's start it off with Picture Frame James. Go for it.
So, met a girl for drinks.
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Chapter 5: What unexpected twist happens during Hallux Alex's date?
She made a big deal about how we had to sit up at the upstairs bar, like, just really, like, laid it on with the server. I thought, like, maybe that's, like, better ambiance. Maybe she knows the bartender would get a hookup or something. Yeah, of course. That's what I think, too. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No. No.
She told me she likes to sit up there so she can look down and see the men's hairlines and then heckle them from up there. Oh, yeah. The girls will love this, too. That's true. Oh, truly terrible. I mean, she was just like sitting there just yelling at dudes, and here I am sitting next to her. Okay. Don't lie. You participated on at least two receding hairlines.
I mean, I'm afraid it could happen to me. She sounds like a fun time. Alex, we're over to you. Well, there was this one time I was planning on a date with a girl, so she asked if I was free all weekend.
Whoa.
That's presumptuous. I was like, yeah, absolutely. What did you have in mind? Like, you want to go on a trip or whatever? She just sends me a very, like, vague text. She says, you'll see. What did you see?
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Chapter 6: What are the rules of the Tinder date storytelling game?
I get to the door, and she opens it, and she hands me a goldfish. Because she's leaving town for the weekend and said that since I'm free, she figured I could watch the goldfish. You already told her you were free all weekend. Your pet's sitting now. Wait, you can't leave a goldfish for the weekend? What'd you do? I watched the goldfish. They did. Did you walk it?
I got emotionally attached to it. I was sad to say goodbye when it left. Yeah, maybe I should have kept it because she got back from the weekend away and she ended up meeting another guy out there. Wow. Carol's in this one, guys. I don't like this edition. Get used to more of it, Jose, because it's all dudes today.
That's right.
We're going to keep it going. Picture frames, James. Back to you. So I was on a date with a girl. Everything went well. She ended up spending the night. In the morning, she asked me to make some pancakes for breakfast, so I did. Yeah. Okay. So I start making them, and, like, I make a few, and then I hand her a plate, and she keeps coming back asking for more. She likes the cooking.
That's a good sign, I guess.
Yeah.
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Chapter 7: Who wins the Battle of the Tinder Dates and why?
Yeah, but we're like 10 pancakes in, so I'm like, whoa. Girl's hungry. I like that. It's like a cement mixer in your stomach. What the heck? I'm like, what's going on? And she tells me, no, there's this cute little raccoon out your back door. I keep feeding it off the balcony. Oh, God. That's actually kind of cute. No, I had a raccoon problem for months after that. Oh, yeah.
You're like the Snow White of downtown all of a sudden.
Yeah, of the trash pandas. All right.
Alex, can you top it? One time when I was going out with a girl, I picked her up and she wanted to go by and cheer on her friend who was doing a marathon. Oh, that's cool. I was like, oh, okay, sure. So we got out there to cheer and we're waiting like 20 minutes or so.
Chapter 8: What lessons can be learned from these Tinder date stories?
And finally, she sees this guy who she knows and she starts yelling at him. Hey, Brian, look, I upgraded. And she's pointing at me. But what a compliment. I mean, you're an upgrade from a marathon runner.
Wow. Wow.
I don't even think I can do a 5K to be honest. At least you're honest. All right, we're on to the third and final round here, gentlemen. So we're going to need your best stories. Picture frames. James, what have you got for us? I'm at the bar of my date. We're about an hour into it. And she's like, come with me to the bathroom real quick. Oh, that was quick. I mean, I was all in.
I was like, yeah, let's go. I mean, we get in the bathroom. She's like, take your shirt off. I'm like, oh, this is better than I could even plan on it. So take it off. She whips out a steamer from her purse and proceeds to steam my shirt. She couldn't stand your wrinkly clothes. Reflecting bad on her. I mean, it's a total mood killer is what that is. Okay, fair enough.
Alex, Alex, this is your last chance.
there was one girl i was going to i met online and she sent me a location to meet her at and i get there and it's just like this government building and it's a city council meeting happening and she has me sit in a very specific seat and she tells me to watch my phone i'm just like playing along like what's going on here so i say okay and then two minutes later
I get a text from her saying, oh, raise your hand to vote for me. And she goes up there to pitch like some traffic stop idea to the city council. And as soon as I get that text, I see myself and there's like 15 other guys there.
Okay.
And we all raise our hands. She like bamboozled all of us. Wow. Did she get her traffic stop thing passed? I mean, yeah. And to be fair, like it was a good idea.
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