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Brooke and Jeffrey

Loser Line (5/11/26)

11 May 2026

Transcription

Transcript generated automatically by AI and may contain errors.

Chapter 1: What is the premise of the Loser Line podcast?

0.031 - 21.62 Robert Smigel

Another podcast from some SNL late-night comedy guy? Not quite! On Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends, me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guests, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel, help an acapella band with their between-songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes.

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21.8 - 36.842 Robert Smigel

Those people are starving for banter. Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal but encouraged. It's the Enhanced Games.

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Chapter 2: How can humor help with awkward social situations?

36.862 - 47.858 Robert Smigel

Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential. Either way, the podcast Superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year.

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47.99 - 53.651 Jeffrey

Within probably 10 days, I put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth.

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54.454 - 59.552 Robert Smigel

Listen to Superhuman on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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60.629 - 67.72 Unknown

My mother-in-law spent years sabotaging our relationship until karma made her pay for it.

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67.901 - 82.063 Robert Smigel

She moved in for two weeks, lasted five days, left a mess, and then pressed her ear against their bedroom door and burst in screaming. When kicked out to a hotel, she called her son-in-law's workplace, pretending his partner had been rushed to the hospital by ambulance.

82.043 - 83.849 Brooke

faked a medical emergency?

83.869 - 92.577 Robert Smigel

And spoiler, that was just the beginning. To find out how it ends, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

92.793 - 94.255 Alex English

On the Look Back At It podcast.

94.455 - 97.239 Unknown

1979, that was a big moment for me. 84 was big to me.

Chapter 3: What is the concept of the Enhanced Games?

109.934 - 116.202 Sam Jay

84 was a wild year. I don't think there's a more important year for black people.

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116.519 - 126.259 Unknown

Listen to Look Back at It on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A win is a win. A win is a win. I don't care what y'all say.

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126.644 - 147.741 Robert Smigel

Yep, that's me, Clifford Taylor IV. You might have seen the skits, my basketball and college football journey, or my career in sports media. Well, now I'm bringing all of that excitement to my brand new podcast, The Clifford Show. This is a place for raw, unfiltered conversations with athletes, creators, and voices that not only deserve to be heard, but celebrated. So let's get to it.

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147.721 - 168.813 Robert Smigel

Listen to The Clifford Show on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And for more behind the scenes, follow at Clifford and at TikTok Podcast Network on TikTok. Hey, girl. What's up with you? Wait a minute. Is this the right number? It's the loser line. Come on. Just call me back. If you haven't heard the loser line before, it works like this.

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169.094 - 196.864 Robert Smigel

Let's say someone approaches you when you're out at the club and uses this charming pickup line on you. Ooh. Dang, girl, are you a Pokemon? Because I'd sure like to take a Pikachu through my telescope. Whatever you do, don't point and laugh calling his telescope a microscope. Instead, tell him why watch from afar when you've got an open invite to get up close and personal. That's right.

196.844 - 208.795 Robert Smigel

And that's when you give him the number to the loser line. Of course, you should email him that number. You don't want to be in the same room with him when you do that. So hopefully he calls it and leaves an awkward voicemail that we can play over the air. Voicemails like this one.

209.336 - 211.438 Unknown

Next message.

211.458 - 239.688 Robert Smigel

Hi, this is A. My buddy Kurt told me I should call you. Yeah, he thought it would be a good match. So yeah, are you like on MySpace or whatever? I'm just joking. 2003 was the last time I was single, so I'm just getting back into the swing of things. Anyway, I know we haven't seen each other in person, but you should know that I'm in really good shape for my age.

240.489 - 266.811 Robert Smigel

All my workouts are just me aggressively walking around Costco looking for samples. That wasn't a joke. I actually do that. So, yeah, I mean, other than being extremely fit, I'm also very emotionally available, which is good because my ex-wife changed the locks on me, so I don't really have any place to go. Now, that was a joke. The nowhere to go part.

Chapter 4: What are some outrageous voicemail examples shared?

277.982 - 301.054 Robert Smigel

That is so sad. He's newly single and his buddy gives him the loser line to set him up for that voicemail. Welcome to the dating world, bro. It's harsh. Make sure to leave a voicemail, by the way. Now come listen to this radio show. Laugh at how sad you are. It's so funny. Hey, I'll stick up for him on that Costco workout. Yeah, that was good. I bet he's super fit. Yeah. Damn. Next message.

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302.336 - 334.807 Robert Smigel

Hey, Marcus, it's. Tonight's the big night. So meet me at the old barn in North and we can begin your spiritual journey. Now, I need you to prepare a few things. So just take some notes. It's very important that you wear all black. Bring two grapefruits. Pink, not white. Okay. Also, make sure you don't eat anything for at least 12 hours before.

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334.867 - 350.817 Robert Smigel

You'll need an empty stomach for the glitter consumption ritual. And just trust me, it's worth it. Okay. I'm super excited. The light of the eternal obelisk guides you. Don't let us down.

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350.837 - 354.343 Unknown

Next message. Wow. It's like DIY ayahuasca. Yeah.

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354.363 - 355.144 Alex English

That's exactly what it was.

355.204 - 358.329 Robert Smigel

Did anybody else get extreme FOMO from that?

358.529 - 359.451 Alex English

Oh, you're missing out?

359.471 - 368.205 Robert Smigel

Yeah, like, how am I not getting invited to these random glitter-eating rituals at abandoned barns? It sounds like something an 8-year-old little girl would make up.

368.265 - 369.427 Brooke

Yeah.

Chapter 5: How does a mother-in-law sabotage relationships?

369.547 - 369.928 Brooke

Count me in.

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369.948 - 371.911 Robert Smigel

Hey, I got you a potion, Mom. Will you try this?

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373.373 - 392.094 Robert Smigel

Well, speaking of fun rituals, why don't you put on a fuzzy blindfold and head over to our YouTube page and just start clicking. You will be on a spiritual journey where you don't consume any glitter, just laughter. I see. It's good to have the blindfold on. Yes. Need that.

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392.114 - 408.756 Robert Smigel

Trust me, you'll want to have a blindfold as you watch our phone taps, our second date calls, and all the loser line clips that your stomach can handle. Ooh. Not very much. Search Brooke and Jeffrey and let your journey begin. Good luck and Godspeed. Now, back to the clips.

409.197 - 409.697 Unknown

Next message.

411.4 - 453.081 Robert Smigel

Hi, it's Mariah. Do you remember we were talking about sleep and you suggested that I should get mouth tape because it helps with snoring. So... If you can't tell, I am wearing it right now. I just wanted to tell you it does work. I wear it for sleep. I wear it around the house now. And maybe if you want to get a drink sometime. Next message. How can you get a drink when your mouth is taped shut?

453.221 - 455.304 Robert Smigel

Maybe cut a hole and put a straw through the middle of it?

455.324 - 455.524

Oh, yeah.

Chapter 6: What are the funniest moments from the Loser Line calls?

534.353 - 538.361 Robert Smigel

My bad. It's just part of our ongoing series, part 10 of Into the Karen.

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539.082 - 539.182 Brooke

Yeah.

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539.202 - 545.595 Robert Smigel

It's interesting. I don't understand why he didn't have a reasonable conversation with her either. Yeah. I'm sure it would have gone so well.

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545.735 - 563.696 Robert Smigel

Remember to hit up our YouTube at Brooke and Jeffrey because we post all of our content there. We got our second date updates, our awkward calls, and video of us reacting right here in studio to each and every Loser Line clip. In fact, we got a phone tap coming up for you right after this. Another podcast from some SNL late night comedy guy. Not quite.

563.896 - 583.498 Robert Smigel

On Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends, me and hilarious guests from Bob Odenkirk to David Letterman help make you funnier. This week, my guests, SNL's Mikey Day and head writer Streeter Seidel, help an acapella band with their between songs banter. Where does your group perform? We do some retirement homes. Those people are starving for banter.

583.659 - 600.193 Robert Smigel

Listen to Humor Me with Robert Smigel and friends on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Imagine an Olympics where doping is not only legal but encouraged. It's the enhanced games. Some call it grotesque. Others say it's unleashing human potential.

600.614 - 607.242 Robert Smigel

Either way, the podcast Superhuman documented it all, embedded in the games and with the athletes for a full year.

607.802 - 613.409 Jeffrey

Within probably 10 days, I put on 10 pounds. I was having trouble stopping the muscle growth.

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