Masked Speaker: College Cuddle Sesh

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Brooke and Jeffrey 12 min 9 speakers 4 chapters transcribed 1 month ago
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Who introduces the show and how does the episode begin?

Fred Armisen (ad/clip) - Not a show guest 0:00
Hey, Portlandia fans.
Carrie Brownstein 0:01
Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here.
Fred Armisen (ad/clip) - Not a show guest 0:03
The dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form.
Carrie Brownstein 0:06
We're launching Podlandia AO Rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made.
Fred Armisen (ad/clip) - Not a show guest 0:18
And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Kreisel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.
Carrie Brownstein 0:30
Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised not just words, but a song, a melody.
Kyle MacLachlan 0:35
Well, I thought you were all going to write a song.
Carrie Brownstein 0:37
I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia, AO Rewatch on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 0:47
What's up, fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up, y'all? It's your girl, Sam Jay. And we're the hosts of Everyone Watches Women's Sports, a new podcast from Together and iHeart Women's Sports. We're breaking down the biggest headlines. Naomi Osaka showing out. Shout-outs to you, Naomi. The viral moments.
Sam Jay 1:02
I've been obsessed with Kashawn Rock's boxing journey. She looks good. Her combos are swift.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 1:07
And the stories everyone's talking about across women's sports.
Sam Jay 1:10
Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to Everyone Watches Women's Sports on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Nick Turturro 1:17
I'm Nick Turturro. You probably know me from NYPD Blue, The Longest Yard, or Spike Lee's Black Klansman. And on my new podcast, Delivering Happiness with Nick Turturro, I deliver pizza to a new guest. I've shared a slice with everyone from Seth Rollins.

What listener promotions and podcast ads are mentioned early on?

Savannah James 1:31
What are you doing with my belt? To Bill Burr. I don't think I've ever met somebody so exactly out of their mind as I am.
Nick Turturro 1:38
And now we even have more great guests coming up, including the great John Turturro. It's called happiness. Delivering happiness. And many, many more. Open your free iHeartRadio app. Search delivering happiness with Nick Turturro. And listen now.
Jake Brennan 1:52
I'm Jake Brennan, and on my podcast, Disgraceland, I tell the stories behind music's biggest names, the moments that changed music history forever. Sonic Youth was cool, but was the band cooler than the couple on the cover of their album, Goo? Cool enough to escape the glare of the international paparazzi? Cool enough to escape murder? This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea.
Chelsea Handler 2:29
Every week, the news gets worse, the world gets crazier, and Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible, you're the problem.
Sam Jay 2:36
Do you know I just found out who Sidney Sweeney was? If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men. Do better or do less so I don't have to do so much. I'm Yamanika and I'm out. Listen to You're the Problem with Yamanika on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 3:00
You don't know me. A confession I can't take back. The Masked Speaker. Text to 78592 says, I've been on a strict diet lately, but I had a dream about food last night. Me too. Woke up to find myself chewing on one of my foam earplugs. Oh, no, you. Took that as a sign. Went and got a McGriddle for breakfast this morning.
Kyle MacLachlan 3:25
There you go.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 3:25
Diet over. You've got to get that wax taste out of your mouth.
Kyle MacLachlan 3:28
That's right.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 3:28
You've got to listen to the signs in your life. And you know what? If you're hearing this right now, maybe that's a sign that you need to come on the show and confess your secrets to us here on the Mass Speaker as we keep you anonymous. We've got a woman who wants to use Jackie as her fake name. Jackie, welcome to the show. Hi, guys. Thanks for taking my call. Good. Even with a voice changer, it doesn't sound like you're chewing on an earbud, so that's a positive. You sound very peppy. So a voice changer is on. You're the mass speaker. Whenever you're ready, let's hear your confession.
Unknown 3:58
Yeah, I graduated from college about three years ago, and it was wild, a wild time.
Jeffrey (Brooke and Jeffrey in the Morning) 4:05
You mean college in general was a wild time? Is that what you mean?

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