Respect Is Not Earned From Other People | Ep. 372
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Why does respect start with yourself and not with others?
I spent years swallowing disrespect until I realized that I was literally training people to walk all over me. And now I'm the CEO of acquisition.com. I help thousands of business owners to grow because I stopped tolerating that bullshit and I started commanding respect through actions. Number one is that respect starts with you. Let's start with the biggest lie that you've ever been told. Respect is earned from others. You don't earn respect, you set the standard for it. And most people set the bar way too low. Self-respect is built, it is not begged for. And chasing respect is actually the quickest way to lose it. Every day, people walk into rooms begging, pleading, being desperate to be respected. Okay, maybe it's a boss because they undervalue you, maybe it's a partner that doesn't honor you or they don't respect you, or maybe it's a friend that just takes you for granted all the time.
But the truth is this: okay, you do not get respect by asking for it. All these like tips and tricks, videos teaching you how to Get respect with like long stares and body language, they are fing stupid and they're not reality. The real foundation starts with the fact that you don't even respect yourself. And so you get it by becoming the person who wouldn't tolerate that disrespect in the first place. Because if you tolerate it with yourself, then you'll tolerate it from other people. Respect isn't earned from other people, it's actually maintained within ourselves. And then other people catch on to the respect that we already have with ourselves. So people respecting you is actually a lagging indicator of you respecting yourself.
Meaning the world catches up, but you're the one who has to go first, right? And so you have to respect yourself before anybody else is going to. And the fastest way to lose respect is to beg for validation from people who don't even respect themselves. I had a woman that came to me, it was about four years ago, and we had a meeting, and I had 40% of my room. Female executives, 60% was male executives. And one of the female executives came to me and she said, Oh, you know, Larry doesn't respect me. It's funny because the way that I actually saw the conversation go was that she has such little respect for herself. She didn't advocate for herself in the room. She didn't speak like somebody who respected herself.
How can you measure people by the cost they bring to your life?
And she taught other people in the room how to talk to her because of the way she showed up. She didn't have certainty, she didn't advocate for herself, and she allowed people to speak over her so many times that we catch ourselves pointing to the other person and it's so often in the workplace, especially with women, we're saying, well, that person doesn't respect me. It's like, well, have I actually learned how to respect myself? Do I even know what self-respect looks like? And I asked her that question. I said, Do you know what it looks like to respect yourself? And she was like, I actually don't. I really don't. And it's a loop a lot of people get caught in. Someone disrespects you, it makes you feel small, you know, you feel pissed off, you feel frustrated, you feel angry, and then you think
I've got to prove everybody wrong. So what do you do? You try harder to prove your work. And then what happens? They might actually respect you less, not more. And that's exactly what happened to her. She kept trying to prove that she needed to be respected. I saw she would escalate in the room. She would raise her tone of voice. She would do all these things that they weren't respectable. They were actually rude. They were mean. They seemed like somebody would do those things if you were talking to an enemy, not somebody on your own team. And then here's Here's what happens when she realized that was her behavior. She lost more self-respect. And that's what happens in that cycle. Then you lose more self-respect because you're trying to appease another person rather than yourself.
And then you repeat the cycle.
What daily behaviors create a system of self‑respect?
I know what you're thinking, which is like if I stop trying to earn other people's respect, doesn't that make me look arrogant or selfish?
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
Why does respect start with yourself and not with others?
0:00–1:56
2
How can you measure people by the cost they bring to your life?
1:56–3:05
3
What daily behaviors create a system of self‑respect?
3:05–4:46
4
Why is choosing discomfort better than abandoning your values?
4:46–6:07
5
How does speaking truthfully without oversharing protect self‑respect?
6:07–7:25
6
When should you leave a situation that erodes your self‑respect?
7:25–9:00
7
What questions should you ask before deciding how to respond in conflict?
9:00–10:13
8
How can you build self‑respect one small decision at a time?
10:13–11:56
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Build with Leila Hormozi
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