You Settle for Others Because You Settle for Yourself | Ep. 375
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How did Leila go from six arrests and being overweight to a $100 M net‑worth?
This is brutally honest advice for women in their 20s. At the age of 19, I was arrested six times I was 100 pounds overweight. I started my first business when I was 22, and I crossed a hundred million dollar net worth at the age of 28. And this is my roadmap of the lessons I learned along the way. You settle for others because you settle for yourself. Most women and most people negotiate the type of partner that they want to have in their Life because they negotiate who they want to be in their life. Most people negotiate what type of friends they're going to have because they negotiate what type of friend they're going to be. You have to decide who you need to be to be surrounded by the type of people who would be attracted to that person.
The reality is if you're complaining about your boyfriend, your husband, your spouse, your friends, your job, you're probably the problem. There's only one common denominator. If you don't like the people you're surrounded by, change the common denominator. This is the way that I looked at things, which was if I want better people in my life, I need to become a better person first. And I think we live in this day and age where we blame people and we talk about how toxic people are. There's nothing more toxic than blaming other people for your lack of something and then keeping them around, complaining about them when in reality, It's you who needs to level up. Anytime that I noticed that I wanted different friends, I wanted to date somebody differently, I wanted to have a different job.
I just said, how can I be better so that I'm worthy of that thing? So that that thing that I want wants me too. Here's the thing. Right now, you might want those friends, you might want that guy. You're not a want match because guess what? They don't want you back. And that's the reality. And I wish somebody had told me that because everyone's like, no, you're a major. The way you are, and it's stuff. You can be amazing and also have areas to improve. You can be a great person and also not be the best friend and the best girlfriend sometimes. We all have areas to improve. Acceptance doesn't mean dismissal of flaws.
Why do we attract the kind of people we settle for in relationships and friendships?
And so what we want to do is be able to hold both hand in hand. I accept myself, and if I want these type of quality people in my life, I need to level up. So the first time that I recognized this was. I was reading a book. It was actually Tony Robbins Unleash the Power Within. And I was reflecting on why was my last relationship so shitty? And not so shitty, but what I'd felt like is I was looking at my past relationships and what I noticed was I constantly had partners who I felt like almost suppressed me to a degree, meaning they didn't want what was best for me. And I asked myself, why is that? And what kind of partner do I really want? And I remember I went through this exercise in his book where it basically has you write down all the traits of the person that you're looking for, all your non-negotiables.
and list out all of those things in that person. So you get crystal clear on the type of person you want. And I remember writing all this list, putting all these things down. And I was like, amazing, that's the kind of person I want. Like not these people that I've had in my past. But then there's a second step to you. Which is now write the list of who you need to be, to be the person that your person is looking for. And I remember I wrote that list and I looked at it and I was like, I have room to improve. I see why I was in those relationships. I see why I had those friends. Because despite how I may feel about myself at times, on paper, I think that I need to do these other things to be that person to attract those kinds of friends.
Of people. So what did I do about it? I didn't complain. I didn't cry.
What exercise helped Leila realize the personal changes she needed?
I didn't say that all men suck. I said I need to be a person worthy of. And so what I did is I got to work on that fucking list, right? I lost a hundred pounds. I started taking care of myself. I started respecting myself. I invested in my skills.
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
How did Leila go from six arrests and being overweight to a $100 M net‑worth?
0:00–1:54
2
Why do we attract the kind of people we settle for in relationships and friendships?
1:54–3:21
3
What exercise helped Leila realize the personal changes she needed?
3:21–5:04
4
How can investing in skills compound faster than money?
5:04–7:10
5
What criteria should you use to choose a partner who adds value to your life?
7:10–9:04
6
Why is learning sales considered the first step to real financial freedom?
9:04–11:16
7
How does defining freedom as acting without fear shape your personal growth?
11:16–12:13
Speakers
1 identifiedMore from Build with Leila Hormozi
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Hire People Smarter Than You, Pick the Right People, and Adapt to Reality | Ep. 381
The Unit: Why Aligned Couples Compound and Misaligned Ones Fade | Ep. 380
Leaders Solve Instead of Complain, and Business Is Always Personal | Ep. 378