Last Late Late and Mary Lou’s too?

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Callan's Kicks 24 min 3 speakers 8 chapters transcribed 4 months ago

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What is the focus of today's episode?

Simon Harris 0:18

Hello and welcome. You're listening to Senior Hurling, the podcast. Very important podcast with me, Simon Harris, where we dish the hot goss about economics in a way even a child could understand. Or say, a 39-year-old who never looked sideways at finance until late last year. Stop the blackguarding now, will you? My co-host, co-teach with the least, is Micheál Martin. And we're going to break down the economy for peeps. I'd like to clarify that our economy is not, in fact, breaking down in terms of... No, well, that's not what I said. Blah, blah. I know this is all new to you, but the fundamentals are totally sound. You'd want to be mental to try and meddle with our economy, which is basically the steam off multinational tax avoidance, propping up cattle farms and overruns on everything we have built.

Simon Harris 0:56

And I hear a lot of griping about big tech these days from the sort of opposition types in open neck grey shirts who work themselves up far too much considering the cut of their body mass index numbers.

How does the economy impact everyday life?

Simon Harris 1:05

Yeah. Lay off. Well, now that is the main complaint that these companies earning trillions are laying off workers in terms of... Oh, right. Which is a good thing if you look at it from the right angle, which would be from the downward dog point of view. We will do all we can to support this economy, by which we mean we will do all they want. We will. That's why we gave Offaly to Amazon.

What are the implications of big tech layoffs?

Simon Harris 1:24

Well, a wind farm in the county. We're delivering renewables, even if it's swallowed up by a data centre. And it's not like anyone was really using Offaly for anything anyway. And now we can focus on the surplus in my department. Sorry, now, it's not your department and it's not your surplus, if you even know what that is.

Unknown 1:37

Yes, I do.

Simon Harris 1:37

How dare you? My department explained. It's like when you find a tenner in a coat, except it's a few billion and everyone's arguing over who actually gets to wear the coat home. Yes, well, look, nothing is more important than putting our best foot forward for the diplomats coming over for the European Union presidency. And in order to stop the tractor trolls embarrassing us in front of them... We're spreading money at Big Agri like it's slurry being sown on... Sorry, I don't know what slurry is. Look, the point is this. Everything hinges on our presidency of the EU when I become Mr Presidency, His Excellency of Europe. I'm not going to call you that.

How does Ireland's EU presidency affect its economy?

Simon Harris 2:08

It's going to be savage. So much bureaucracy. The EU is like the civil service on steroids. Well, the opposite. The civil service on benzos. Does my frown look good in navy? Plus, the EU presidency lands in July when we're on holiday, so basically the first two months are going to be a DOS period.

What are the challenges facing the hospitality industry?

Simon Harris 2:22

That's right, the 1st of July, the exact same date the hospitality VAT rate gets cut for hoteliers. Complete coincidence, by the way. Nothing to do with making business lunches cheaper for EU diplo-bros. Dipso-diplomats, we'll be calling them. That's right. It's going to be great. Every single hotel room in Dublin, block booked by mandarins for the second half of the year. Block? Which, of course, has nothing to do with Ukrainians getting the boot from their hotels by August.

Unknown 2:46

No, no, no.

Simon Harris 2:46

Another coincidence. We're not even pretending anymore. Anna will show off only the best Ireland has to offer. Oysters and porridge at the ambassador's reception. Boiled eggs stacked in a pyramid like Ferrero Rocher's. Everyone who owns a harp will make a fortune. Red-headed children dragged out for every photo op. And then I can retire happily at Christmas before the energy bills collapse the economy. Okay, let's leave it there. I have to go to my next grind. I'm finally going to learn what a deficit is. And I could always just show you our approval ratings. And job done.

How are wedding trends changing in Ireland?

Simon Harris 3:15

In terms of... Your Royalness, welcome to the Oval Office. I hope it's not too classy for you. Good grief, is this the bathroom? Well, there have been accidents, that's for sure, when I'm working late and I'm eating too much McDonald's. Let me guess, you prefer Burger King? What, what?