Chapter 1: What is the focus of today's episode?
Hello and welcome. You're listening to Senior Hurling, the podcast. Very important podcast with me, Simon Harris, where we dish the hot goss about economics in a way even a child could understand. Or say, a 39-year-old who never looked sideways at finance until late last year. Stop the blackguarding now, will you? My co-host, co-teach with the least, is Micheál Martin.
And we're going to break down the economy for peeps. I'd like to clarify that our economy is not, in fact, breaking down in terms of... No, well, that's not what I said. Blah, blah. I know this is all new to you, but the fundamentals are totally sound.
You'd want to be mental to try and meddle with our economy, which is basically the steam off multinational tax avoidance, propping up cattle farms and overruns on everything we have built. And I hear a lot of griping about big tech these days from the sort of opposition types in open neck grey shirts who work themselves up far too much considering the cut of their body mass index numbers.
Chapter 2: How does the economy impact everyday life?
Yeah. Lay off. Well, now that is the main complaint that these companies earning trillions are laying off workers in terms of... Oh, right. Which is a good thing if you look at it from the right angle, which would be from the downward dog point of view. We will do all we can to support this economy, by which we mean we will do all they want. We will. That's why we gave Offaly to Amazon.
Chapter 3: What are the implications of big tech layoffs?
Well, a wind farm in the county. We're delivering renewables, even if it's swallowed up by a data centre. And it's not like anyone was really using Offaly for anything anyway. And now we can focus on the surplus in my department. Sorry, now, it's not your department and it's not your surplus, if you even know what that is.
Yes, I do.
How dare you? My department explained. It's like when you find a tenner in a coat, except it's a few billion and everyone's arguing over who actually gets to wear the coat home. Yes, well, look, nothing is more important than putting our best foot forward for the diplomats coming over for the European Union presidency. And in order to stop the tractor trolls embarrassing us in front of them...
We're spreading money at Big Agri like it's slurry being sown on... Sorry, I don't know what slurry is. Look, the point is this. Everything hinges on our presidency of the EU when I become Mr Presidency, His Excellency of Europe. I'm not going to call you that.
Chapter 4: How does Ireland's EU presidency affect its economy?
It's going to be savage. So much bureaucracy. The EU is like the civil service on steroids. Well, the opposite. The civil service on benzos. Does my frown look good in navy? Plus, the EU presidency lands in July when we're on holiday, so basically the first two months are going to be a DOS period.
Chapter 5: What are the challenges facing the hospitality industry?
That's right, the 1st of July, the exact same date the hospitality VAT rate gets cut for hoteliers. Complete coincidence, by the way. Nothing to do with making business lunches cheaper for EU diplo-bros. Dipso-diplomats, we'll be calling them. That's right. It's going to be great. Every single hotel room in Dublin, block booked by mandarins for the second half of the year. Block?
Which, of course, has nothing to do with Ukrainians getting the boot from their hotels by August.
No, no, no.
Another coincidence. We're not even pretending anymore. Anna will show off only the best Ireland has to offer. Oysters and porridge at the ambassador's reception. Boiled eggs stacked in a pyramid like Ferrero Rocher's. Everyone who owns a harp will make a fortune. Red-headed children dragged out for every photo op.
And then I can retire happily at Christmas before the energy bills collapse the economy. Okay, let's leave it there. I have to go to my next grind. I'm finally going to learn what a deficit is. And I could always just show you our approval ratings. And job done.
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Chapter 6: How are wedding trends changing in Ireland?
In terms of... Your Royalness, welcome to the Oval Office. I hope it's not too classy for you. Good grief, is this the bathroom? Well, there have been accidents, that's for sure, when I'm working late and I'm eating too much McDonald's. Let me guess, you prefer Burger King? What, what? So long as it's not Pizza Express. Right.
Anyway, my dear fellow, one appreciates you having this meeting behind closed doors. Well, nobody loves closing doors more than me. Slamming them mostly. In the faces of people. The Pope. Nasty Padre. NATO. I hate them. Germany. That Mertz guy is so weak. Mertz the skirts. That's what I call him. I do the best nicknames you know. Go on. Ask me. Ask me what. Go on.
I don't know, but I do call my darling wife Mabuba. Really? Wow. Yes. I didn't look at them, I swear. Look at, oh. Now once they're over 25, I don't look. No, no. 18 even, maybe, who knows. I'm a nice guy.
Chapter 7: What controversies surround Dublin's urban development?
You see, we do things differently. Quite. In America, the United States of obesity. Yet we've so much in common, even if Americans are far more common. My gosh, frightfully common. That's right. When we get divorced, we usually go hotter and younger the next time. I don't know what you were doing. I mean, you traded in Demi Moore for the old lady from Titanic. What?
That's what it looked like to me. There are differences between our two nations. I mean, we say footpath, you say sidewalk, we say Andrew, you say this name has been redacted for security reasons. Well, I don't know anything about that. Who knows, Charles? Maybe I could call you Chuck. Sorry? Could I call you Chuck? I'd rather you wouldn't.
I've been through so much, I can't take any more embarrassment. Though, conveniently, my face couldn't go any redder than it already is. I'm going to go with Chuck. So what's the deal, Chuck? You come here, you want something. Everybody wants something. No. Prime ministers, presidents, crypto kings and convicted felons. What? They look and I give. Well, perhaps you might leave Canada alone.
It is in the Commonwealth. I don't know what you're talking about. There's no such place as Canada. Oh, you mean North, North Dakota? I beg your pardon? Yeah, we're going to have such a tremendous 51st state. We're going to buy it or we're going to blow it to hell.
Chapter 8: How does sports culture influence public sentiment?
Mr. Prison, no, you simply must not steal land that isn't yours. But that's what got Britain into all the trouble in the first place. And now all we've got to show for it is a detested 30 billion pound birthright dynasty, nuclear weapons, and more sex scandals than you can shake an NDA at. Wow, I had no idea. Oh, diddums, I've inadvertently made it sound attractive to you, haven't I?
Your rise to power inspires me greatly, your royal slyness. Well, it's an unelected rule. Precisely. 2028, here I come! What have I said? By the way, your face is on the money. I haven't had my face on money since that night with the porn star. Well, what is this about you putting your face on the US passport? Thank you.
We're running out of jet fuel, but people will be less inclined to fly if they get a jump scare every time they open their passport. Right, yes. Well, tea time? Thought you'd never ask. Really? A cup of tea? We tea off after a high-carbon lunch? I know you like the environment. You're going to love how we melted down a polar ice cap to irrigate 18 holes of herbicide-scented freedom.
Oh, dear Lord, not golf. Yeah, we killed all the wildlife with Trump steaks to stop them nibbling the greens. Somebody remind me to seek Starmer's resignation when I get back to Blighty. I swear to God, that ping pong plot poop is really doing it. Okay, okay. Voice in my ear says we're live. Now, the end of the late late used to mean it's summertime. Nowadays, it means we're barely over Easter.
Here to discuss the final show of the season, Patrick Healy, how are you? Amazing to be here on this channel. I want to say Radio South. Eh, RT Radio 1, like we're colleagues. Are you clued in at all? It's so, so, so, so, so good to be here, Miriam, or is it Claire? Are you having me on, girl?
Your one got the hump and went off to Newstalk to read out cash machine numbers and massage the blue shirts. It's Katie. Right, I have no idea what any of those words mean. Amazing, but look, it's the end of the season. We have a packed show tomorrow. Really? Who's who of who's already been on. Okay, so it's been your third season in charge. Any highlights, Patrick?
No, this shock white Steve Martin hair is my very own natural colour. Okay, no, I meant the best things. I hear there's a very impressive bar in the green room. I wish Drive Time had a bar. Sometimes with so many headbangers on, you'd be as well in an early house. Well, there's so, so much I could point to. The country special. Oh, yeah. The other country special. Jesus.
Letting comedians do ten minutes of uninterrupted material with a single cue like, you have kids. You're married. Stop. But I think most people love the time. Sorry. I got emotional. Yeah, you're always bawling. Which episode was that again? Episode 4. Oh, I do remember seeing it. And 8. What? And 11. Okay, any others? Episode 25. Ah, for God's sake. 27 and 30. Sorry, 30, that's like tonight.
Hello? Also, can I say, Clare? Katie? All the pre-recorded bits were a personal highlight for me because it meant I didn't have to be in Dublin a second longer than necessary. Okay, who's on tonight? Huge show tonight. Don't say a Garen Noon again. Garen Noon will be there singing a song that isn't his. Do we not suffer? Then we'll have boy George Amazin.
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