Do we give up on marriage too easily these days?
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What does Colleen Rooney say about people giving up on marriage too early?
The Clare Byrne Show on Newstalk. With Aviva Insurance.
Well, Colleen Rooney has said in an interview with OK! magazine that people are giving up on marriages too early. Colleen and her ex-foplar player husband, Wayne Rooney, have experienced seven major scandals surrounding infidelity and their relationship during their 24 years together. Well, my next guest specialises in helping couples and has extensive experience working with couples on parenthood and relationships. Dr. Richard Hogan is a family psychotherapist and author of Home Injury. is where the start is. You're welcome to the programme. Do you agree with her, Richard?
Ciara, yeah, I think, you know, a really important question that we should all ask is, have we become less tolerant of the difficulties that, ordinary difficulties that rise in long-term relationships? And who are we to judge anyone who decides to stay in their marriage after infidelity? And, You know what I mean? And I think that we probably are less tolerant of those ordinary difficulties. Because as you know yourself, Ciarán, I know myself, you know, marriage, a long-term relationship, there's plenty of orderliness in it. There's plenty of boredom in it. There's plenty of challenges in it. And there's plenty of health maybe issues and changes in it and physical and sexual changes. So there's so much stuff that goes on in your everyday ordinary life.
And if we're going to, you know, constantly change partners, I think it'll bring us close to nihilism, to be honest. That's the way I feel about it.
But I suppose if you look at their situation in particular, given all of the scandals that they have lived through, I think a lot of people would have thought that the right thing for her by her was to walk away from that marriage.
I do think there's an incredible amount of judgment on women who decide to stay in a marriage. And again, I go back to that. Who are any of us to judge and understand anything that goes on in someone else's marriage? You know, you heard that. We hear that narrative a lot over the course, over the years with the Beckhams and all the rest of it. I just think we're living in this incredibly individualistic era where we're told we have to do what makes us happy all the time. And sometimes, Ciara, in my work, what you do in the immediate moment to make yourself happy is what absolutely crowbars and destroys your life down the line. And so that immediate little bit of happiness doesn't actually bring you long term joy.
And, you know, pulling out of marriages and moving on from marriages very quickly, I would say it doesn't bring any joy either, because the distinction is a difficult marriage and an unhealthy marriage, because, you know, over a long-term relationship, you're going to have difficulties. But if it's unhealthy, there's coercive control, there's abuse, you know, there's a lot of really things in there that you need to think about. There might be violence in there, there could be addiction in there. There are very serious things to think about, you know, removing yourself from and not staying in. But if it's just a kind of a nadir or a slings and arrows of life, and we're going to constantly change because I don't feel I'm happy right now.
I would say that's going to bring us close to a really unhappy life.
Yeah, and I think I agree with you in terms of the unhealthy relationships.
And I
think people absolutely accept that people should walk away from those and that is the right thing. But to go back to the kind of the more difficult marriages, particularly those where there have been allegations of infidelity in the past.
Are modern couples less tolerant of ordinary difficulties in long‑term relationships?
What about having certain boundaries for yourself, certain standards for yourself, Richard?
Well, you know, it's a very good question, Ciara, and that's a very personal thing for somebody. And infidelity, nothing destroys relationships more than infidelity. It's the majority reason why we separate from each other. And how
fundamental trust is to
the longevity of a
relationship.
Absolutely. And I think it can bring in really existential questions to a partner who has been betrayed there.
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