No Joy In Blaming
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Why does blaming others or yourself keep you from getting what you want?
Hello everybody and welcome to the Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life podcast. My name is Michelle Burkhardt. I'm your host. Today's episode, there is no joy in blaming. So, you know, there's often times in life where we want something, we need something. You know, we want something to change. I'm going to guess that's why you're listening to this podcast. That's why, you know, 100% of my coaching clients come my way. They want something different. They... You know, need something to happen. But the problem is that we don't often get what we want and need when we're in a place of blame. Right. And this can be blaming other people. Right. I didn't get what I wanted because of so and so. It can also mean blaming ourselves, right?
How can I recognize and stop enabling energy‑sucking people in my life?
So, you know, oh, I didn't get the sale. What's wrong with me? Oh, I, you know, didn't get asked back to speak to that event. What did I do wrong, right? When in reality, it's your attitude of blame for yourself and others that are keeping you from not only what you want and what you need, but also from living a life of gratitude and positivity and moving forward. So sometimes we can, you know, we don't get what we want or need and we have this disappointment. And so sometimes we are enabling what I call energy suckers, right? The people in our life who, you know, a few years ago I had a He was trying to be a partner. You know, we were trying to do a certain part of my business together. It became pretty clear that he was not somebody that could support that piece of my business, even though I didn't have the time and the skill set.
And so essentially, I was trying to help him understand that he didn't... that it wasn't going to be a go. Okay. Let's just call it that. Um, I was disappointed, but the re in reality, it wasn't about him. It was realizing that not only was he not able to fulfill his end, but man, he was like an Eeyore kind of personality.
What does it look like to set strong boundaries and remove yourself from draining situations?
who just brought everything down, always had something negative to say. And I realized that if I kept him on, I was going to be enabling that behavior, not only for him, but with me. And I was like, is that really what I want? No. Um, and the reason why I knew that I didn't want that was because I've had many experiences with people like that over time. Now, listen, we're all humans and we are doing the best that we can. And there are some times when you need to reach out to a friend and you got to vent, you got to let some of that steam out. Um, and hopefully you got a good friend who's a good listener and, you know, we'll ask you, what do you need? Do you just need me to listen? Would you like me to give you, you know, some support in some way?
Um, But I'm talking about someone who has a personality that just sucks the energy out of every conversation that you're in. Yeah, no, I need to be done with that, right? Unfortunately, I'm very struck that today would have been my 24th wedding anniversary. And I am so thankful that I'm no longer married to that particular individual. We wish him well. He's got his own mind and balances that he's dealing with.
How does shifting to empowered self‑respect create peace, joy, and better results?
Um, but one of the things that, um, I realized after a certain point was it's never going to get any better because of the issues he's dealing with. It's never going to get any better. He's sucking my energy away and I'm enabling him to do that. Right. So I can blame him or I can say, wait a minute, he's the most predictable person in this relationship.
Right.
Even when somebody is negative and hurting you, they can be predictable in that. And so, wait a minute, I'm enabling. I need to stop. And now I tried to stop the behavior that was happening by laying down good boundaries, but the behavior wasn't going to stop because his imbalances weren't going to stop. I needed to remove myself from the situation. So he was, you know, taking my energy with his behavior, but I was enabling that and I was constantly disappointed. So I was in this place of blaming him. I had no joy in my life until guess what? I came to and realized this has to change, right? And so now I'm in a position where here I am in this apartment and
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Chapters
7 chapters
1
Why does blaming others or yourself keep you from getting what you want?
0:01–0:53
2
How can I recognize and stop enabling energy‑sucking people in my life?
0:53–2:32
3
What does it look like to set strong boundaries and remove yourself from draining situations?
2:32–3:56
4
How does shifting to empowered self‑respect create peace, joy, and better results?
3:56–5:16
5
Why is it more effective to ‘plant a garden’ for your goals than to blame the economy?
5:16–6:28
6
What practical steps can I take when I feel stuck and keep blaming my circumstances?
6:28–7:34
7
How can I replace blaming with a ‘backbone where my wishbone is’ and start creating the life I want?
7:34–8:51