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Chapter 1: What happened at Joe's Ibiza Proms concert?
Just wait for David. Oh, shattered. Unshattered. But I'm sure it won't come across in the recording. I've cut two of my fingers. Why not follow us on Instagram at chatterbixpodcast or We sort of use Twitter, I think, still. Instagram. I don't know what value it has. But it's sort of nice when you see the numbers go up. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Oh, here it is. Hello? Colour suits you?
Mm-hmm.
Cheers. No, it does. Literally, I was like, oh, that looks nice. Oh, really? Yeah, you look slim in it. I'm sure you look slim anyway.
Yeah, I do.
Your shoulders have a more angular now. Oh, are they quite round? Oh, that's the way I'm looking at it, isn't it? Are they? Have I lost fat on my shoulders? Yeah. You've lost some podge from your shoulders. I've lost a stone and a half. Well, you can see it in your shoulders, my friend. I'm glad I bothered to tell you that because you look more naffed off than before.
No, I'm quite happy.
Oh, well. I had no way of telling.
Oh, bollocks. I'm not recording my... Am I? I thought I'd done it. Shit.
Quick time, you is.
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Chapter 2: Why did Joe feel out of his comfort zone during the event?
It's really hard because you definitely don't... It's hard because you don't go, well, fair enough. Fucking hell. I am definitely going fair enough. And I do go, God, yeah. Oh, do you know what? When you said missed out, I go, there's probably loads of jealousy involved. Yeah. Yeah, and also that makes you sound better on the pod. No. Yeah, probably doesn't.
They've got it right, I've got it right. LAUGHTER So everyone goes, oh, Joe's pretty cool. It's a game of tennis already. It's 8.39 in the morning. As we record this. It's exhausting already. He's just out of his pyjamas.
Just out of his gym gowns.
David is psychoanalysed. This is fucking lovely. Were you on the beach? Yeah, on the promenade. Right. On the beach, actually, for the first bit. On Saturday night? Yeah, Saturday afternoon into Saturday. That brings out the worst in people. It's the sunset.
oh god so was there a stage with a dj yeah was it really really busy no it wasn't mental actually no no right it was all right um what djs were on i don't know i've never heard of anyone i kept being told but people would go oh this is danny rampling oh i've heard of him So I'm going to have a look.
Brighton, what was it called?
Ibiza. Ibiza Nights or something. Ibiza Nights. Ibiza Proms? Yeah, that's it, yeah. It ended up with this orchestra at the end, which was sort of impressive. So that got me down there. That's what I thought. You understood that a little bit more. I understood the value from that. Oh, Judge Jules. He wasn't on, was he? That's what it says there. I'll tell you what was interesting.
Join us in June as we come to Brighton Seafront for the first time with a 50-piece orchestra.
Expect a carefully selected mix of the most iconic Ibiza dance anthems. Special guest DJs and performances announced soon.
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Chapter 3: What unique experiences did Joe have at the concert?
I don't know. Well, that's not your... You have to say whether you would. I think I would, actually, and I don't want to sound like a prat on the podcast.
It's only because we don't get to go out that much.
I don't want to drag the pod down. So you would be happy to go to... Well, I wasn't unhappy. I don't know. Well, you brought it up. You started all this.
Don't have a pop at me.
It just suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't gone, I went to Ibiza Classics. That's it. You haven't noticed the way you said, and all these people were dancing. You were not with your... You were not with your people, were you? No, but I know a lot of people that are those people, and they're very nice, but I couldn't... Do you know what? Bobbing along, you fit in more than standing still.
So stuff like that is tricky.
Right. So you were sort of bobbing along. Yeah. Oh, I remember this one. I was never there. Do you want a drink, Joe?
No, I don't drink. Oh, another layer. Another layer of boredom. So, unfortunately, I'll have to naturally loosen up.
Jay, have you seen that Only Fools and Horses episode? Who said that? Who said that?
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Chapter 4: How did Joe manage his time during the concert and the football match?
But yeah, it's sort of weird. I dunno. I just felt tense for them. Right. As in what, what, what are you doing? Why you, well, there's not much to watch. Aren't they sort of going out? This is weird. I've sort of got nothing to do for a minute and a half. Right. Yeah. I don't know. Anyway. Yeah. I don't know what the question was. Well, you should get a DJ on. Ask them. I'm not asking them that.
I'm not asking them that.
They're keeping the vibe going. They're choosing the right tracks, aren't they?
I don't know. Exactly.
Well, they are, aren't they? They could put a song on that everyone goes, oh, it's killed the... Killed the vibe.
Yeah. Okay. Have you ever DJed? Yeah. Were you going to buy decks about six months ago? You said to me, I want to buy decks. Yeah, it was sort of half. And then you said you don't need them. And I went, no, don't do it.
I just need, yeah. It's only because I went into someone's house and saw decks.
And I thought, oh, that looks quite cool, decks. When did you DJ? Huh? When did you DJ? How are you feeling right at this moment now? You've deflected. Still tense.
could rebound at any point yeah because you'll go i feel like this is safer ground for you because you can go you can sort of yeah you come across better in all these because you go no i mean i've got an idiot thing that i did so i can go i can fall back into my idiot thing but also yeah you just sort of find it easier to sort of fit in with music
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Chapter 5: What was the atmosphere like at the Ibiza Proms?
Yeah, go on, son.
And we went to his wedding, the owner of Pepe Jeans.
Yeah.
And Dean Gaffney.
I don't remember Dean Gaffney. Or Sid Owen. Maybe Sid Owen. I remember the owner of Pepe Jeans being a big chunk of this pod for about a month. Yeah. A few of the older Chatterbiscuits are going to go, oh, yeah, I remember the Pepe Jeans.
I was 21. I was like, fucking hell, it's the owner of Pepe Jeans. He's a bloody millionaire.
He DJs for 300 quid an hour. What do I do? What did I do? Well, you were mingling. I was earning eight grand a year at a fucking golf course. The least attractive option of the bunch. Come and meet my friends. He's a millionaire. He's on EastEnders. He earns eight grand and gets up really early. Yeah, yeah. He works 45 hours a week.
And he has to work on Boxing Day.
Please choose.
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Chapter 6: Who were the DJs at the event, and what did Joe think of them?
So inferior.
It was fucking horrible. Nothing's going to make you more inferior than meeting the owner of Pepe Jeans.
No, it was more the millionaire dude. The 28-year-old millionaire dude. I'd love to go to that flat again and just have a look around that kitchen. Was it a flat? It was like a flat in Chichester, but it was so nice. It's like, you're 28, you're a millionaire. Oh, fucking hell. I couldn't give a shit what he did. I think it was a clothes shop.
You're a millionaire. I can imagine if someone told me that, I'd keep looking at him. I remember someone saying, you know, he made a million, lost a million and made it again. I feel like I've had this conversation. What with me? No, it was someone. Someone in a, you know, you end up in a place that's out of your depth and you go, yeah, conversation like that, he lost a million.
He's a risk taker. I'd love to know who he was.
I'd love to know who he was and Google him. I remember him being slightly overweight.
I guess that was good food, good drink. Sign of wealth. Sign of a good living. Fuck. £28 million.
Yeah, his flat was right in the centre of Chichester, I think, down a lovely little road.
Was it one of those flats where only a rich person in their 20s would actually buy? Yeah, it feels like Jamie Oliver would have that flat. Oh, what are those? Spiral staircase up to... Yeah, that kind of... Yeah. That flat he had in that TV show. Yeah, it was that. That pretend flat in that TV show. Lovely high ceilings. Loads of space.
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Chapter 7: What interesting encounter did Joe have with a millionaire?
Oh, fuck. Have you ever been to Aaron's Sports Centre? In fact, you probably play in there.
Have you ever been to Aaron's Sports Centre? It's five-a-side football pitches. And they're like really spongy with black rubbery bits. Oh, yeah. I love the black. They get in all your shoes. And the goals, the size of the goals are perfect. They're not too big. Not too big, not too small. When I saw the goals, I'm like, I'm so in.
Yeah.
Black bits all in your shoes, can't get them out. Honestly, I loved it.
I didn't... I thought... I think everyone was really tentative starting to play and I thought I was going to... I didn't pull anything. Did you feel that ache? Did you feel that properly? I did a bit of stretching, but nothing. I came away going, I'd love to do this weekly. But my only thing is, we had the perfect level of competitiveness.
I wouldn't want to go in a league. No, don't go in a league. I don't go in a league. Right. I just play the same blokes every week. And they're just, it's to the point where if someone gets knocked over, the game stops and goes, oh, you're right. I can so see why you do it. Oh, it's happened. I loved it. I loved it.
Honestly, what happens is, is like, I thought, because everyone I've spoken to about five a side, they're like, if you need, because we play six a side. If you need 12 people, you'll need about 26 people in the WhatsApp group. We don't. Everyone loves it so much. They're literally like, can I play? Can I play? How do you choose the teams?
Well, at five o'clock on a Friday, dead on five, it's the first 12 people that put their name down. So everyone in my group sets an alarm for three minutes to five, and then you go. Have you missed out before? Loads of times. Oh, I'd be so gutted. Oh, it is. It's like, but then it's always a dropout because something happens, you know.
Someone's got to work or... Honestly, it's made me go, fuck, I'm not going to do that again. Oh, you could, but I told you what I did. I walked past some men... who were probably about 15, 20 years older than me playing five-a-side in the park about four years ago. And I went, bloody, they're doing it.
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