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Chatabix

S12 Ep 587 Listener’s Mailbag: The Beach Dildo and Breath Coaching

04 Apr 2025

Transcription

Chapter 1: What embarrassing moments do the hosts share about calling into radio shows?

41.223 - 64.345 David

Yeah, it's email time now. That's who the time is right now. We're opening up all of the old emails now. I wonder who has emailed in now. And Craig and Stu have emailed in now. And Sally too has emailed in now. And John and Barbara

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74.062 - 78.807 Joe Wilkinson

Oh, oh We're gonna read them out Oh, oh

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108.352 - 115.163 David

Welcome to Mailbag. Welcome everybody. Here we go.

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116.765 - 142.071 Joe Wilkinson

Mailbag feels like PE at school. Yeah, it does, doesn't it? Like the free, I've got PE, then art. I had an afternoon at school, I remember, I think it was like Thursday afternoon. You know, I had like double PE, then double art or something. Lovely. Feels like double P. I never liked art at school. I loved it. It was so dull. Oh, it just wasn't learning. That's what it was.

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142.452 - 165.544 Joe Wilkinson

Didn't have to try and learn anything. I think I just felt bad at it. School just makes you feel bad. Was games a whole afternoon or was it just a lesson? I think it's just a lesson, an hour and ten. Get out there and do a bit of rugby. Right. Hello. Happy Friday. Hope you have a nice weekend.

165.524 - 191.599 Joe Wilkinson

yeah here we go i gave that nothing when i said that hey have a nice weekend may i pick one um yeah i'm gonna put my hand in the bag this is from michelle steve go on what i just say we don't know if james ever agreed to do all the sound effects oh he did he did he did a bloody good job as well oh super yeah

194.549 - 198.495 David

This is from Michelle Stevens, and it's entitled Beach Dildo.

199.577 - 217.705 Joe Wilkinson

Michelle Stevens, was that the EastEnders, actually? Maybe. Oh, I wrote into a podcast yesterday on the weekend. Did you? Yeah. What? I wrote into Stick to Football. What's he saying? Do you want to hear the question? Yeah. Sorry, Michelle.

219.693 - 246.814 Joe Wilkinson

to steal your thunder stick to football question for Gary love the podcast this is a question for Gary you give Jamie stick for swapping from being a blue to playing for Liverpool Gary if you were coming through the ranks at Manchester United now and City offered you a place on the Academy would you take it and if you're playing at Man U now do you think you'd be a one club man

Chapter 2: What insights are shared about breath coaching?

557.435 - 558.917 Joe Wilkinson

It won't get to them.

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559.117 - 565.652 David

I bet it gets read out. I bet you it does. I bet... Well, it might do. Good luck to you, son.

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565.933 - 583.193 Joe Wilkinson

But why does it hurt you if it does? I bet it gets read out. Because mine... I felt like a prat right at this very moment. Well, you got... You got on... But they would have gone, what are you going to say to Tommy? What? Surely someone goes, hi, I'm Mary. I work for Tommy.

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583.213 - 604.684 David

Maybe they did. Yeah, but they wouldn't have gone, oh, don't say that. They probably went, yeah, okay. They don't put you through, don't they? But it wasn't like I was going to say, I want to tell him he's a wanker. Okay, go through. We haven't had that before. Nice little twist. Nice little twist. Yucky little twist. But I really looked up to him.

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Chapter 3: How do the hosts react to a listener's bone-breaking story?

605.506 - 610.215 David

I recorded all his shows, and then I just felt like he didn't like me.

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610.696 - 611.077 Joe Wilkinson

Yeah, of course.

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611.137 - 626.784 David

First impressions of me were, you absolute twat. Did you listen to it less, or did it affect your listening after that? It affected me. But it was all on me. It wasn't him. It made me go, oh, you idiot, you've put him in a position there.

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626.985 - 635.973 Joe Wilkinson

But what I mean is, like, you can't listen to it with the freedom you listened to it before because you keep reminding yourself of that thing you created.

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636.193 - 656.477 David

Maybe, maybe. I don't know. It was all about me feeling shit about myself. God, yeah, it's hard to get over that, isn't it? It's like, I guess it's like... If we got someone on this pod who listens and they were like, oh, yeah, you're a Brit. It's just like, all right, you're making me feel a bit awkward. Get off the fucking Zoom.

656.597 - 664.829 Joe Wilkinson

But also, the sentiment wasn't horrible. That's the only thing I would say. No. You know what I mean? It's like it was sort of misjudged, but it wasn't. You did, as you say.

664.909 - 665.43 David

That's what it is.

665.51 - 682.813 Joe Wilkinson

It's misjudged. Yeah. But the thought... No, yeah, the thought wasn't horrible. The thought was... No, no. It's kind of a bit weird now because I'm defending 21 years old you.

682.833 - 693.327 David

And if someone says nice things to us about what we do, I haven't got a problem with it. It's just in that moment he had a problem with me.

Chapter 4: What is the story behind the beach dildo email?

694.804 - 696.908 Joe Wilkinson

It was just like, well, now I have to deal with this.

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697.73 - 703.423 David

Yes, just don't make it about me, Matt. You were right. There's a fucking vibe to the Friday show.

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703.483 - 714.525 Joe Wilkinson

Talk about your nan or the bloody... The two examples you gave were like, yes, great. Yeah, they were. This episode is flying. Oh, lovely can. We all can imagine that.

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714.545 - 719.81 David

And also, they were always really subtle and specific to people's lives. You went, oh, God, yeah.

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719.83 - 726.696 Joe Wilkinson

And then I make it about. Yeah, that's painted a beautiful picture for me of you getting home and opening the fridge and yum, yum, yum.

726.716 - 740.468 David

Cold beer, lovely. And on to David, who we got now. You are, Tommy. Oh, my God, you stalking twat. And I've recorded literally every episode you've ever made on talk radio.

741.149 - 741.789 Unknown

Yeah, I love it.

741.809 - 762.683 David

Brilliant. do you know what i've never said this he would be up there a run below robert smith for me wow i could not handle talking to tommy boyd i'd really really struggle wow don't get any thoughts no no i'm just thinking of

764.603 - 767.166 Joe Wilkinson

who my rung under Rocheford or Glen Oddo is.

Chapter 5: What humorous anecdotes arise from listener emails?

1944.886 - 1948.089 Joe Wilkinson

Oh, okay. That's risky, but I'm not saying it's not good.

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1949.05 - 1978.655 David

I always nick mine. You get a nick, that's why my arms are so long. No. Quip five. This final example serves as a warning that quips can be dangerous. Whilst in the sixth form doing my A-levels, I held the front door of the school open for some students to walk through. The last person to go through the door was a teacher that I didn't like very much.

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1979.476 - 1987.084 David

She politely said thank you to me as she walked through. I replied, I wasn't holding it for you.

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1991.088 - 1994.011 Joe Wilkinson

I think it's just mean.

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1997.715 - 1999.397 David

I fucking love these quips.

1999.838 - 2015.255 Joe Wilkinson

Please send in quips. Please do the book. Oh, I'm going to go back and get all these. Oh, my God. I think now people are writing the book for me. Yeah. Oh, you've got to do them, though, because you're the master.

2016.236 - 2028.409 David

But I haven't written any pages. Oh, my God. You didn't tell me you're not. What? I said, called you the master. You went, yeah, but I've got... Oh. Yeah, you're right.

2030.819 - 2046.651 Joe Wilkinson

Yeah, but I just haven't got the... No, I didn't hear that bit. Don't fucking... I want to read more quips. We can't. We could just do a quip-heavy one. Quip mailbag. Yeah. Thank you very much, everybody. Yeah, thanks, everyone. Keep sending them in. Yeah. Bye for now. Bye.

2055.608 - 2084.35 David

They smooth the ride. They ease the climb. They're verbal jazz. They oil my life. They quip in the day and quip in the night. A funny line can catch your eye. A sideways look. A spark of light. We're all just people passing by. But you're a concern here.

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