Chapter 1: What is discussed at the start of this section?
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Do you watch the show? Yes. That was my guilty pleasure. I've lost all respect for you. I don't blame you.
Club...
I don't know why we spent 22 years avoiding each other at parties. I wasn't avoiding.
I just don't, no, no. John, I was told, I have no recollection of it, that we almost had a fight once. I'd like to, first of all, offer a complete and absolute apology. I don't remember what it was, but in case it happens again, we're not any younger. I feel like we should not have a bare knuckle. I think a regular fight, yes, with gloves, but no bare knuckles.
Okay, fair enough. Look at you.
I am in such good shape. Sorry. About what? The fight I don't remember that we almost had.
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Chapter 2: What led to the near-fight between John Stamos and Bill Maher?
Yeah, exactly. What could be more lame? Stupid, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I love you, Bill. But what was the fight over, do you think? I think I got in and you didn't. Really? Yeah, and you were like, why is that fucking guy getting in my room? I said, fuck, shut up. And I think we literally almost... Shit. You know, gotten it.
But why would I get mad at you for that? I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know. But since then, I've been your biggest fan. I'm your fan.
But when I see you, it's like either, hey, John, or it's like... Well, just because I don't push... What? The laughing in there. I don't push relationships ever like friendships. Like when they happen organically. I was once out with Salman Rushdie at the Tower Bar, and somebody came up to us and said... Duck!
No.
Sorry. Perfect. And they said, you know, how long have you guys been friends? And we went like, looked at each other like, I don't know. I know he did the show a long time ago. It just happened organically. The last thing you want to do as a talk show host is be the guy who meets somebody once and says, hey, let's hang out. Can I have your number, George Clooney? It's like, no, no, no, no.
But now it's happening. It's fated to happen now. It had to. I had to write you a nice email. Oh, so lovely. Thank you so much. That meant so much to me. Did it really? Well, because I love that Billy Joel show so much, and him was such a great get to get.
Yeah, you went to him.
Went to him, yeah.
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Chapter 3: How did John Stamos and Bill Maher resolve their past misunderstandings?
you know, politicians and all that. And you can go toe-to-toe with anybody. But watching you go toe-to-toe with a musician like that was like, who knew that you had that as part of your repertoire?
That's one reason I started a podcast. Yeah, right. Because, you know, I would never do two hours with Billy Joel on, you know, not even a two-hour show. Right. But, oh, I love music. I could tell. And I wish I could, you know, you can, you have a great, you know, split portfolio with music in it. I do not. I have no musical ability. Do you play anything? No.
Twice I tried when I was 15 with the guitar. I got somewhere with it, but you could just tell if you're not really. Then somebody gave me a guitar fairly recently and the pandemic hit and I was like, You know what? I'll pick up the guitar again. I'm home all day. So 50 years apart, I found out I have no musical ability.
Really. Guitar is hard to learn because it's... Piano, it would be easier. You hit three or four notes and there's a chord and you're done. Guitar, you've got to press it and you've got to get calluses. You know who always thought he was a musical who's now playing guitar all day long is Howard Stern. Really? Yeah. He's playing guitar?
I know he... He's another one who, like, knows his music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? How do you know? He's very close to Billy Joel. Because they both, like, live on Long Island. They're married. It's like couples like to get with couples. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, stars like to be with stars. People feel comfortable with their... Comics like to be with comics.
Absolutely. They do. I'm jumping around, but I am a stand-up comic junkie. I think... I'm a junkie junkie.
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Chapter 4: What are the challenges of staying relevant in the entertainment industry?
Yeah, I was gonna... No, you're not. You're the healthiest junkie, I know. Why go through comedy if you... But I'm obsessed with stand-up comics and how you guys do it and craft and the science and the, you know, the... Well, it's like, you know, it's the same with me watching you.
I've seen you many times like at Jeff Franklin's parties playing, you know, you're an official Beach Boy now, right? Well, I don't consider myself that, but... Well, it's like, well, that's what I heard. Who told you that? Me? The same guy who told me we almost got into a fight. Yeah, I thought, well, anyway. Well, it's been... You know, there's like guys who play with the Eagles now.
I can't remember the guitarist's name. And he's like really a part of the Eagles, but like they're not, you know, the fans want to see... Mick and Keith holding hands at the end of the show, even though they fucking hate each other and they're never gonna like, they're not going out to dinner ever. So would it upset people that the Beach Boys, fans are like that.
They get upset about very emotional things. They treat their stars, especially their musical stars, We don't want John and Paul fighting. Mommy and Daddy shouldn't be fighting. And you certainly shouldn't be writing nasty songs about each other.
And one of the guys in the band shouldn't become good friends with Charlie Manson, shouldn't bring him home. Do you know this story?
Oh, you... Talk about Brian Wilson.
Dennis Wilson. Dennis... Oh, okay. Yes. Dennis Wilson was out. He was... He picked up two hitchhikers, took them back to his house, had sex with them, went to the studio with Terry Melcher, Doris Day's son. Had sex with the hitchhiker. Had two of them. Turned out to be Squeaky Fromm and Susan Atkins.
Comes home, there's a party going on in his house, and this little guy comes out and says, kisses his feet, says, I'm not here to hurt you, man, I'm here to serve you. And it was Manson. And moved into Dennis' house and never left. Dennis had to move out. They crashed his cars. So Dennis, you know, Manson wanted to be a singer, right? Yes.
I know he was a spirit to the musical arts and thought he would advance himself through the Wilson connection. And that's a good bet.
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Chapter 5: What memorable experiences do John Stamos and Bill Maher share about their past?
Mr. Corleone is a man who never asks a second favor when a first has been refused. Understand? You don't understand. Johnny Fontaine never gets that movie. He's perfect for it. And make him a big star. But I'm going to run him out of town. And I'll tell you why. Johnny Fontaine ruined one of Waltz International's most valuable protégés. I had her under a contract.
Chapter 6: How does John Stamos reflect on his relationship with Frank Sinatra?
We spent hundreds of thousands of dollars, singing lessons, dancing lessons, acting lessons. Then Johnny Fontaine comes along with his olive oil voice and his guinea child, and she ran away with him. Just to make me look ridiculous. And a man in my position can't afford to look ridiculous. And just to show you it's not all dollars and cents that I'm not a hard-hearted man. She was young.
She was beautiful. She was innocent. She was the best piece of ass I've ever had. And I've had them all over the world.
Chapter 7: What insights do they offer about the impact of political correctness on comedy?
Now you get the hell out of here. And if that goomba tries any rough stuff, you tell him I ain't no band leader. Yeah, I heard that story.
I'm telling you. And then he put his hat on, Tom, and just walked out.
And then Tom goes, thank you for a lovely evening. If your car could take me to the airport, Mr. Corleone is a man who insists on hearing bad news immediately. Yeah, right. I don't know. People have weird bar trick skills.
Chapter 8: How do John and Bill discuss the relevance of classic songs in today's culture?
But you have a great memory. I think some people... I don't, but for that I do. I don't remember our fight. Right.
Because you lost. Because I lost. And you had, there was a producer you used to have on that show, an older lady. An older lady. Well, you know, 60 maybe, 50s. On what show? On the show back, Politically Incorrect. Really? Yes, and she tried to patch us up. But I said, I said, Johnny Fontaine doesn't, you know. That's all I can remember what you just did. The Golden Bachelor.
So you would, I think we can do it. Is there an age limit for the girls?
Well, you know what? Every other dating show on TV is just as sexist in the other way. You're not going to find on Temptation Island anyone over 30. They're all going to be like 22 to 32, shall we say. So, fine. Let's do that. Do you watch those shows? I used to love Temptation Island. Really? Yes. That was my guilty pleasure show. I've lost all respect for you.
I mean, I was so... I don't blame you. Kidding. But you never saw it? No. Temptation Island? No. Temptation Island? Do you know the premise?
They're on an island. I love you, Bill. You know, I don't know why we spent 22 years avoiding each other at parties.
I wasn't avoiding.
A little bit.
No. I just don't. No, no. Because I don't remember the fight.
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