Sunil Patel: An Idiot's Guide To Living Forever
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Who is Sunil Patel and what is the premise of this episode?
Hello again. I'm Sunil Patel, broadcaster, actor, comedian, banking advert star, Lexus owner, and I once got fired from the BBC Asian Network in a stairwell. Why am I telling you this? To establish my credentials, and to let you know that, like other great documentarians, such as Werner Herzog, Nick Broomfield, and a girl one, probably, I'm a cool guy who's lived a life. If you followed my award-ignored journey towards self-betterment over the last two series, you'll know that I started by delving into the world of cryptocurrency, before charming my way into the upper classes. So now I've knocked money on the head, then went mad with power, which leaves only one possible option to complete the trilogy.
Sex. Welcome to Sunil Patel, An Idiot's Guide to Becoming a Sex God. I began my sexual odyssey on WhatsApp, because you can go on WhatsApp lying down, by texting every man I know with an ear piercing to see if they had any intel about how to get into one of those underground orgies you used to see on Eurotrash after your parents had gone to bed. Sure, you'd have to watch with the sound turned right down, but I think we can all agree it was worth it. I was certain it wouldn't be long before one of those rat-tailed baristas texted me back a what-three-words with the location of some of the grottiest front rooms that Middle England has to offer. Why are you doing this? As usual, my landlord Helen was less than enthusiastic.
Well, it's a trilogy, isn't it? Money, power, sex. That's how it finishes. Yeah, but sex? I don't know, it's just a bit sleazy. This is journalism. It's what young people like. You can't do a show about sex with young people. No, no, no, not with... I'm having sex for young people. You are going to look like a perv on the BBC. Thankfully, there's no better place.
Why is Sunil attempting a trilogy of self-improvement shows about money, power and sex?
After a top-secret initiation process of being forwarded an e-vite by a part-time librarian I once met at a comedy gig, I was able to secure myself a one-way ticket to the inner circle of debauchery. quench is a play party which google assured me is either a gathering to engage in bdsm or a 19th century folk dance obviously i sincerely hoped it was the former because the last time i did the electric slide i split my trousers zipped to ass and at least according to my auntie completely ruined my cousin's wedding i'd been given the green light to attend but i didn't want to embarrass myself so i dressed to blend in Hi, I'm here for the party, wink.
The party, I got you. I love what you've done with the outfit. This is a little bit more of a casual affair, but you look great. Are you comfortable?
Yeah, I got my trainers on. Fit check. Full body, skin tight jumpsuit, brackets, black PVC. Village people style chauffeur hat, nipple chains and a fresh pair of New Balance trainers. I've got plantar fasciitis and Achilles tendonitis, so I do need the bounce. I guess what I'm trying to do is try and become really good at sex.
Okay, yeah, yeah. This is definitely a place for building a connection. There is absolutely no sex at this party. There is absolutely no physical contact unless you ask for consent to hug somebody. We've got people who are aligned on the fetish kink scene, but at this kind of a party, it's much more about conversation and connection than it is about any sort of physical activities.
So if I do well at this one, can I come to the sex dungeon party?
by do well. If you make friends and you are a part of the scene in the community, you are welcome to buy a ticket to our next event. At all of our larger scale spicy events, we do much more thorough vetting than even this.
I've been tricked. This wasn't a sex-free-for-all, it wasn't even a sex-free-for-one, because you had to pay entrance on the door. Turns out you really had to get to know people before they'd agree to sleep with you, and these hippies were much more interested in the boring work of creating a safe space for their members.
How did Sunil try to infiltrate underground sex parties and what happened when he arrived?
If I wanted to get an invite to the actual sex party, I'd have to make small talk, which I hate. If people don't like my personality, how do I game the system?
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Chapters
4 chapters
1
Who is Sunil Patel and what is the premise of this episode?
0:00–1:42
2
Why is Sunil attempting a trilogy of self-improvement shows about money, power and sex?
1:42–3:50
3
How did Sunil try to infiltrate underground sex parties and what happened when he arrived?
3:50–7:47
4
What are the consent and community rules at the play party Sunil attends?
7:47–14:40