049 I When Power Talks Down: Navigating the Anxiety of a Demeaning Coworker in a High Position
episode
Communication Skills for Working Women Podcast:Effective Communication, Healthy Relationships, Direct Communication
21 min
2 speakers
8 chapters
transcribed 1 month ago
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What is the impact of condescending communication from a powerful coworker?
Hello everyone. Today we're talking about a workplace dynamic that many women experience, but very few feel safe from naming it out loud. You have a coworker, sometimes even a leader, who speaks in a condescending, dismissive, or subtly demeaning way. And what makes it harder is this. Everyone notices it, but no one wants to confront it. So you're left carrying the emotional weight of it alone, wondering, am I overreacting? Is this just their style? Should I say something or stay quiet to protect my job? In this episode, we're going to break this down so you can understand not just what to do, but what internal fears may be keeping you stuck. and how to move forward with clarity and self respect.
Welcome to Communication Skills for Working Women.
I'm Elizabeth. And I'm Rose May. Do you find yourself second-guessing or avoiding conversations because you're worried about being misunderstood?
You're not alone. On this show, we're sharing tangible tools for assertiveness, emotional resilience, and real-life communication wins and fails. Let's sharpen our communication together.
So I have behaved in this way, speaking in a demeaning way and condescending, sarcastic, interrupting. And I specifically remember this Zoom call I was on, there were about eight or ten of us in this meeting and Everyone. I know every's a strong word, but I'm pretty sure it was every time. My the tone of my response was truly dismissive, rude. And condescending, demeaning. It was just inappropriate in every way. And I was fortunate enough to be working with a wonderful individual who privately spoke with me after the meeting. And shared with me that the way I was speaking Came across in all the ways I just said. And it that it made others around me, it made the people in that we were working with second guess their contributions, pull back, edit their voices, like shrink without even realizing it.
And that was truly one of the hardest things I've had to hear, and one of the best. It was really hard because I had been on the receiving end of this type of leadership. If we want to call it leadership, this type of behavior. This type of leader, let's not call it leadership. This type of leader, this type of behavior, this type of person in authority or power. And there I was doing the very thing that Адвен дан томі before. It was also one of the best things that had ever happened to me because I was truly able to not only do the work to learn new skills and to choose to change my behavior. But I was also able to identify what was really going on with me and change my heart and who I am.
So sometimes I will still slip back into this disrespectful behavior. But when I do, I am far more easily able to identify it and make a pivot. So literally yesterday I was responding to my daughter, someone who matters so much to me, and our coworkers can mean a lot to us, not in the same way as maybe a family member, but like maybe we care about the project or we care about humanity, right?
How do internal fears and hidden commitments keep us silent in meetings?
But I was responding to my daughter with sarcasm, dismissiveness, and I would just call it pride. And I po and I saw her shutting down. I saw it in her responses and I paused, and I apologized and I immediately started showing up differently for her. Yes, that was a quick pivot at home, but that can still happen in the workplace too. You can stop mid-sentence and say, hang on, I am really sorry. Let me try that again. And change your tone and show up from a place of respect. We are truly constantly on either end of the power. Let's dig into how to handle it in the workplace, where the person with the power is the one talking down.
I love that you just mentioned this pivot that you did. I'm thinking about interactions recently both this is like as a therapist in Counseling. Where I've realized like maybe someone has said something I don't know that I would say necessarily shocking, but maybe like catches me off guard or and and it's not about them. It's usually not about them. It's about like somebody else. So they're like maybe describing his situation and I find myself responding and I I have done this like a lot in the last couple weeks.
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Chapters
8 chapters
1
What is the impact of condescending communication from a powerful coworker?
0:00–3:57
2
How do internal fears and hidden commitments keep us silent in meetings?
3:57–6:44
3
What can we learn from Elizabeth’s story about being the demeaning speaker?
6:44–8:58
4
How does the Immunity‑to‑Change framework reveal the assumptions behind our silence?
8:58–11:11
5
What practical steps can we take to speak more directly without escalating conflict?
11:11–13:36
6
How can we test small communication experiments and measure their outcomes?
13:36–16:18
7
What reflections help us decide whether our workplace values align with our voice?
16:18–18:36
8
How can we maintain clarity, presence, and self‑trust after confronting power dynamics?
18:36–21:24
Speakers
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