056 I How to Speak Up in Meetings Without Second - Guesing Yourself

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Why does second‑guessing stop us from speaking up in meetings?

Rosemay Webster 0:00
Let's talk about meetings, not the easy ones, the ones where you're just listening, but the moments where you could speak up and don't. You have a thought or an idea or a question, but instead of saying it, your brain starts going, is this worth saying? Do I have enough information? What if this sounds obvious or wrong? So you wait, and by the time you decide it's too late, the moment has passed. Or you do speak, but you second guess it immediately. And afterwards you think, I should have just said it more clearly. Today we're changing that. We're going to give you simple in the moment scripts so you can speak up in meetings without overthinking, without second guessing, and without needing it to be perfect.
Elizabeth Amorino 0:46
Welcome to Communication Skills for Working Women.
Rosemay Webster 0:49
I'm Elizabeth. And I'm Rose Mae. Do you find yourself second guessing or avoiding conversations because you're worried about being misunderstood? You're not alone.
Elizabeth Amorino 0:58
On this show, we're sharing tangible tools for assertiveness, emotional resilience, and real life communication wins and fails.
Rosemay Webster 1:06
Let's sharpen our communication together.
Elizabeth Amorino 1:23
If this is something you've struggled with, speaking up in meetings, we want you to share this episode with someone who's been in that exact same position. And if you haven't yet, leave a review. That's how more women find this podcast and share building these skills. So Rosemay's introduction truly is the story that I am about to share with you.

How can we move from a thought to spoken words faster?

Elizabeth Amorino 1:45
I remember that I was sitting in a meeting where I had this very clear thought. Someone had just shared an idea and I immediately saw some potential issues with... the suggested idea that was out there. And I thought, I should say something. Then the next thought kicked in and it's, well, maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I don't have all the right information. Maybe I should just wait a few more minutes. Maybe I should see what else or where this is going. Maybe I'm just making assumptions. So I waited, I didn't speak up. And as the meeting moved on, someone else brought up the exact same concern that I had. I mean, it was the exact same concern. And suddenly that point became very important in the meeting.
Elizabeth Amorino 2:38
And I remember thinking, I had that exact same thought, but I didn't say it. And it wasn't because I didn't know what to say. It was because I was second guessing whether or not I should say it.
Rosemay Webster 2:54
That stinks because I feel like some of the things that you're saying are super valid. For example, making sure you're not making assumptions about something. I feel like that's kind of important.
Yeah.

What simple entry phrases let you speak up without over‑thinking?

Rosemay Webster 3:07
And so this just puts you in a really tricky spot because, yes, it's important to have all the information before you go around telling people this is not a good idea or this is problematic. And sounds like someone else didn't. I don't know. Maybe they didn't think about it as intentionally as you did or maybe they did. I don't know. Now I'm making assumptions. Just curious, was it a man or a woman?
Yeah.
Elizabeth Amorino 3:34
It was a man who then said what I had thought, predominantly male meeting.
Rosemay Webster 3:41
Yeah.
Elizabeth Amorino 3:43
And I think though, I just was second guessing myself instead of trusting myself. And then even saying like, oh, I want to make sure I'm not making any assumptions or things like that. That's almost like justifying myself, trying to make myself like feel better for not saying it. Like, oh, I was trying to be careful.
Rosemay Webster 4:02
I see. Yeah.
Elizabeth Amorino 4:02
Yeah.
Rosemay Webster 4:03
But sometimes we do do that.
Elizabeth Amorino 4:05
We do. And it's not a bad thing to slow down.

How do you speak confidently when you’re unsure of the facts?

Elizabeth Amorino 4:11
I mean, he didn't respond immediately either. He didn't talk until later in the meeting as well. And so this almost like throws me back to our communication framework that we haven't touched for a while as to like, what were my underlying hidden commitments in that moment? Why didn't I speak up when I had that initial thought? And I really think if I'm being totally honest, it, it really was second guessing myself, like just self doubt, just uncertainty, um, I think that's really what it was in the situation. So this is perfect because that's exactly what we're going to be talking about.

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