095: Who You Spend Time With Is Who You Become [Podcast]

Do you like who you are when you are with your friends? Jim Rohn, business philosopher, says that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. I totally agree with this, and I have seen it modeled in my own life. If you look around, I am sure you see it in yours. But, who SHOULD you be spending your time with and who should you be avoiding? And how do you get around those people you want to be around? "Creative Commons" by Luke Chesser is licensed under CC BY 2.0   [/featured-image]Click to ListenIf Who You Spend Time With Is Who You Become  then .... Who Do You Want to Be AroundChild Test - Next time you are hanging with friends, ask yourself “would I want my kids (even if you do not have any) to be with these people?” If yes, you may have a winner. If no, then you need to ask yourself why you are not comfortable.Encouragement Test - You want to be around people who encourage and motivate you. Not that they need to complement you constantly, but they somehow inspire you to be a better you. These people are often willing to call you out when you need it.Model Test - Are they living the life you would like to be living. Something about them is admirable. Could be they are successful in your business field, or could be they are stronger Christian’s. Whatever it is, they model something you admire and want to be more like.Reciprocity Test - This is not a one way relationship, you can add value to their lives. You do not want to be a user or a predator (see below) so you want to make sure you add something into their lives also. Even if these people are mentors, you need to have something to offer in return. It may be just friendship or allowing them to guide you and help you - but they need something from you just as you need from them. "Who you spend time with is who you become. "]Who Should You AvoidIt is nice to talk about who we want to spend time with  but who we should avoid is a tougher call - often because we are already heavily embedded with them. There have been times in my life when I looked up and realized I spent almost all of my time with the wrong people. One common way to realize this is that you find yourself doing things they do, and you do not like yourself for doing it.This is a tough situation. So start with looking for why these people are the wrong people.Note: Getting away from these people takes a lot of strength and courage, but the first step is identifying the problem.Bad Influencers - This group can be full of fun and adventure - but in the end they are destructive.The Drama Queen - This person is always in a drama. They often need you, and often at bad times, such as late at night.The Deceiver - Mixed in with the drama king or queen is the deceiver. I do not mean people who tell you lies, that is likely all of us. I mean those who habitual twist the truth and deceive you. People who lie so often they begin to believe their own lies.Predators - These kind of people drain you and your energy and motivation. Problem is, they are often people very close to us. I see many people who are dating in these destructive relationships.Predators are often insecure and need you (or someone else) in order for them to feel important and needed. They can be hard to spot, and it is even worse if you are one.The Controller -Dale Callahan, Ph.D.Business Coach for Professionals Ready to Take Control Helping you move from stuck to in-demand — or start something of your own. Grab the Idea Engine: 7 prompts to find your next move Book a Next Step Strategy SessionDirector of Engineering Management @ UAB (205) 790-8447 dalecallahan.com LinkedIn

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