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Chapter 1: Who is Zach and what is his background?
Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started.
Hello. Hi, Zach. Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Hey, Matt. How you doing? I'm good.
How are you? How you doing there, Zach? Zach Tarantelli is your name. I'm not asking. I'm telling. You're an animator from Ohio. Is that correct, sir? That's 100% correct. And I can tell from looking at you that you are a ginger. Welcome to the club. Just in the beard, though.
The hair is like blonde, like dirty blonde.
Okay, that's very strange. That's probably a sign of insanity. But I think we just have to accept it for now. I know that my beard comes in redder than my hair. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's more aggressively like copper. No idea what that is. Yet below the waist, blonde. Nobody asked.
It's like fiber optic. It's just like see-through. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, you know like a fish that's so deep down that you can kind of- And you know what?
It changes colors like the sphere. A lot of rock bands want to perform down there. Anyway, let's move on. Zach, it says here, and I have notes on you. Oh, I've got an old dossier on you, Zach, that you are the head of animation for Zach D Films. Is that right?
That's right, different Zach, but yes.
Okay, that's all right, doesn't matter.
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Chapter 2: What unique proposal did Zach plan under a cosmic event?
And you guys are very successful. It says you have 27 million followers and you're an animator of over 70 shorts. Is that correct?
I personally animated 70 shorts for the channel before I moved into my current position, yeah.
That's so cool. I mean, first of all, I'm a long fan of animation, raised on the very best of the Warner Brothers cartoons, the classics, worked on The Simpsons. So I've always loved animation and admire what you people do. I really do. What do you love about it? Well, I love that it sort of brings the... First of all, you can do anything. Anything can happen.
And so whether it's Ren and Stimpy or a classic Roadrunner Bugs Bunny and so many of the great animated shows today, anything can happen that's in your imagination. And it can really get perverse, which is my true joy.
Mm-hmm.
A hundred percent. And I know that you would love that because you're basically a cartoon yourself.
You know what? Thank you for saying that because I do, I've often thought I'm a cartoon character. My motions are exaggerated. My hair is a ridiculous cupcake. I act like Woody Woodpecker. Yeah. And yeah. You look like olive oil. Pardon me?
Nothing. What was that?
Nothing. Okay. Listen, I heard what you said and I don't disagree.
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Chapter 3: How does Zach incorporate his spirituality into his life?
He's a great animator, and yeah, he made a little short.
What's the problem? The problem is that great animation takes time, and I only had like two days to put it together. I don't know if I want the world... I did it for Conan. Yeah, for Conan. Well, why can't we look at it? Well, I want to send it to you, but I don't know if I want the world to see it. You know what I mean? It's got my name on it.
Is it intimate?
Is it of a sexual nature? I mean, some could interpret it as such. Okay. No, it's fun. It's just awesome.
We will not share it. We won't share it with the world. If you send it to me and then it accidentally gets online and it's attached. as Zach D. Films and people rate your work based on that. That's just, who can help that? That's something that we can help.
You see my conundrum. I lead a team of many talented artists.
Sorry, a little self-obsessed.
Are we cutting this soon? Are we ending this?
Oh, no, no, no, no. Your career is over, but my interview with you will continue. Oh, look, there's some weaponry on the wall behind you.
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Chapter 4: What is the significance of the moon in Zach's relationship?
So they are both, the story is, I have like an eight foot one behind the computer and it didn't have a sheath. So I bought a cheap knockoff for the sheath, but the sheath is too small and they sent me two. You guys just want to have your own broadcast. Are you blind?
I've never seen Conan so angry. No, I mean, hey, this is a problem we all confront. You buy an Aragon sword. It's too large. The sheath is gone. You need to find the sheath. You buy a knockoff. That sheath is too small. Then you've got two Aragon swords. Then you think I need a third one because it's got to be his and hers. And then I get two tinier versions of the same Aragon sword.
I wish nothing but ill upon you, sir. I hope a plague of locusts fly up your ass. You can wish whatever you want. I have three swords. Now, remarkably, you have a fiance. Believe it or not, I do. And her name, it says, her name is Ash. Is that right? That's right. Tell us about Ash. And is she okay with you having the Swords of Aragon? Is she cool with it?
She was just bummed because she was going to buy me one, and then it seemed egregious at that point.
Yeah, yeah. Well, I think you found the right person. For every Mickey, there's a Minnie, and you found someone who was reaching for the same Aragon sword as you at Colonel Buster's shop of bullshittery.
No, I do want to talk about Ash because she is amazing. She's like the most beautiful woman. I mean, she's incredibly talented. She's a singer. She's an actor. She's a writer. We met working at a regional theater together, both writing sketch comedy. Oh, great. Performing at this theater. So she's the love of your life. She's got a contract. Soulmate by every definition of the word.
oh i'm very happy for you zach um thank you is this correct she's kind of into mysticism let's elaborate on that tell us about ash she's a spiritual person uh you know uh has has warmed me up a bit to the to the idea warmed this cold heart to uh you know accept there may be something bigger than ourselves out there yes your sword is eight feet long yes hanging behind your fucking computer
What's your obsession with my sword?
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Chapter 5: How is Zach's trading card game 'Alterverse' structured?
I don't know.
I just can't forget about your big sword.
Yeah, your eight-foot raw dog.
All right, take it easy.
She has a very close relationship to the moon.
What? And you're not jealous? I know. How do you get that? Talk about this. She's into the moon. What do you mean she's into the moon?
I mean, she ebbs and flows like the tides.
Okay.
I mean, she's connected. I think a lot of spiritual people are. Maybe they don't. You're saying she's a werewolf?
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Chapter 6: What are the interesting characters in the 'Alterverse' game?
Spoken like a true spiritualist. I love that shit. It's just spicy psychology. Does this affect the way you schedule things with Ash? Do you try to look at what the moon is up to if you're going to make a reservation or there's a big event coming up? Do you consult the moon? Do you let the moon guide your actions?
Well, I actually, I proposed underneath a super blood moon lunar eclipse.
Oh, whoa. And, okay. So you knew what date that was happening. You had to propose. Did you try to, I mean, how does that work? Do you, you have to wait at night because you want the moon to be out, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, so I, you know, I told her, hey, what about, you know, in a week and three days we have our regularly scheduled nighttime picnics, you know, like we have never done before. Right. And she was like, okay, weird, I'm sure. And then, of course, after I proposed and she said yes, she told me that she actually had it marked on her calendar, expect proposal this day.
Oh, she is a witch.
Wow.
Couldn't you have done a better job of surprising her? You know, I could have tried, but she knows me inside and out. You know what you do? You make sure you're in the house at the moment, and then you yell, fire! And she has to go outside, right?
Oh, that's good, that's good.
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Chapter 7: How does Zach balance his creative hobbies with his career?
You're probably right. He has nine security guards that could kick you. He would just point to you. He would be the one responsible for your ass kicking, but he wouldn't do the ass kicking. Anyway, I think you will be amending that when you're 74.
I agree, of course. You know, by the time I get up there, I'll probably want a couple more years. But I actually, that's pushing to 76. Yeah. You know, just hitting the snooze button.
Yes. Yeah. I love that idea.
That's how life works.
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You start to hear AM radio and you're like, no. I want a few more years.
That is a fear of mine is reaching an age where I no longer know who I am.
Well, I hit that about four years ago. And let me tell you, it's not bad because I've forgotten many of my heinous crimes. So it's all just a dim memory to me. No, I appreciate wanting to stay young, but you can't plan now. But let's say you guys both hit 75 and you want out. How are you going to do it?
We've actually talked about this. We've discussed two ways. They're both very different. First is going out Thelma and Louise style, getting in a car and just driving right off the Grand Canyon.
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Chapter 8: What future plans does Zach have with his fiancée?
Then we're going out together at the same time. And the other way is the last of us, Nick Offerman style with some pills and the glass of wine and just fall asleep together.
Wow, this got super depressing.
I would combine them. None of these involve your Aragorn swords?
Yeah. You've got those swords. You might as well use them. You know what I would think? People romanticize that Thelma and Louise ending. I know me. And if I was in that car with my beloved and we went off the cliff of the Grand Canyon, my whole thought the way down would be, someone's got to get this car out of the Grand Canyon. And I would feel like, oh, that's a drag.
And people are going to be mad at me.
And what if we hit like- You would do it, but you would leave like, let's say a $2,500 check behind for cleaning services. For crane services.
Yeah. I think it's going to be more than that actually to get that out. Okay. But I don't care if they have to split the difference. Trust me, I've looked into this. Um, yeah, I don't know. I just say, don't even worry about it. Your death is not your concern. Just enjoy life for now. And then when the time is nigh, grab seven of your swords and jump on them.
Yeah. I, you know, I, I don't know if I want to go out in that flashy of a way. I think, uh, I think the peace. Yeah. Just a car off the Grand Canyon. After having had hotel sex with Brad Pitt.
Yeah.
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