Show notes
Hello, all! Welcome back to Confessions of a Facilitation Artist. In this series, I’ve been sharing my reflections from Marie Forleo’s book Everything is Figureoutable. Last time, we unpacked the four-letter word “can’t.” Today, we’re onto another four-letter word. It’s still not profane but very paralyzing: FEAR.Fear is such a quiet constant in our lives. It slips into our late-night loop of doubts. It shows up in meetings, in blank pages, in hard conversations, in art, in parenting (oh my goodness, especially in parenting). At its worst, fear shrinks us into something smaller than what we’re capable of becoming.But here’s the big secret: Fear isn’t what truly holds us back. It’s waiting or hesitation that keeps us stuck. As countless authors and speakers have noted, WAITING is the real barrier.Fear Has Kept Us Alive — But It Also Keeps Us StuckFear is ancient. It’s why our ancestors didn’t wander into danger unprepared. It’s part of the survival kit hardwired into our nervous system. Respecting fear is important. But in our modern context, when saber-toothed tigers aren’t chasing us, fear shows up where it doesn’t serve us anymore.On LinkedIn not long ago, I admitted, “I was scared.” One of my mentors pulled me aside in a conversation. They cautioned that maybe clients would lose confidence if they saw me leading with fear. For a moment, I second-guessed myself.But then I realized something important. When I deny fear, I deny authenticity. The truth is, everything great I’ve ever done has involved fear. Sharing it has helped people feel less alone. Over the years, I have had countless parents, entrepreneurs, and leaders navigating hard things thank me for the comfort that my honesty and vulnerability has brought them.When we admit we’re scared, we’re also admitting we’re courageous. As psychologist, Susan David wrote, “Because courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is fear walking forward.”A few weeks ago, I watched my 5 year old comforting his friend. She said she was scared of starting kindergarten. He told her that she can be “scared AND brave” at the same time. I had small tears of pride since he learned that from me, as I have supported him through scary things like learning to swim. You can be scared and you can be brave—both at the same time. Shout out to Becky Kennedy and her book, Good Inside where I learned the “Two Things Can Be True” insight…which is one of the most helpful parenting books on the planet.Fear as Information, Not a Stop SignMarie Forleo reminds us: fear isn’t bad. It’s neutral. It’s information.Sometimes we confuse fear with danger, when really, it’s a signal of opportunity. What if fear isn’t a red light at all, but a neon arrow pointing: This way?One story Marie wrote in this chapter was particularly inspiring. Bruce Springsteen famously reframes stage fright as a sign of readiness. All the shaking, all the butterflies? That’s his body saying, gear up—it’s showtime. What if we saw our own fear as fuel waiting to be transformed?Listening to the Body: Fear or Intuition?One of the trickiest questions: how do you tell the difference between healthy intuition that says don’t, and fear that says yes, leap here?Marie suggests tuning into your body with a simple check: Does this decision feel expansive or contracted? Expansive often signals growth; contracted may point to a misalignment.Personally, I’ve learned to reframe choices using the “heck yes or no” filter. Thank you, Derek Sivers for this in “Hell Yeah or No.” If an opportunity or task doesn’t feel like a solid “heck yes,” then the answer is probably no. That clarity is liberating.From Failure to Faithful AttemptsOf course, one of our biggest fears is failure. But as Judge Victoria Pratt once said: “Failure is an event, not a person. People can’t be failures.”My friend, Tim Leake (hi, Tim if you listen or read this!) put it beautifully: “I didn’t fail. The idea failed. And I can always come up with more ideas.” That perspective has stuck with me.Marie gives us another reframing tool. What if FAIL actually stands for Faithful Attempt in Learning? Every time we stumble, it’s new wisdom. We don’t lose. We build our understanding.This Week’s Practice: Befriending FearHere’s how I’m working on turning fear into fuel (and how you can experiment, too). The full prompts are located at the end of Chapter 5 in Everything is Figureoutable.* Worst Case Scan: Write down the absolute worst thing that could happen. Then rate how likely it actually is (from 1–10). Create a recovery plan so you’ll know how to bounce back.* Best Case Scenario: Flip it. What’s the absolute best outcome? Write it down in detail. Let yourself imagine boldly.* Listen to Fear: Instead of shutting it out, ask: What’s the message here? Could this be pointing me toward growth?* Shift Your Language: If words like “terrified” feel paralyzing, try renaming the sensation with something gentler or even playful. (Marie uses “shushi” or “noony.” I find that quirky, but I’ll be experimenting with it this week.)* Mine Failure for Gold: Write down a past failure. Then list three real positives that came from it. Remind yourself: that moment was a faithful attempt in learning.My Mantra Right NowWhen people ask how I’m doing, my honest answer is, “I’m courageously terrified.” Both things are true. Fear is always there, but so is possibility.The real question is: which one will I let take the driver’s seat?I’m choosing possibility. I’m choosing to act. I’m choosing to shift fear from enemy to teacher.And as poet Emily Dickinson so simply put it, “I dwell in possibility.”Closing ThoughtsFear will always be at the table. Let’s not banish it, but welcome it as a voice. It’s a voice we can question, be curious about, and grow alongside.If you, too, feel courageously terrified right now: good. You’re exactly where you need to be.So tell me…what fear are you facing right now? And what could it look like to turn that fear into fuel?Be brave, be compassionate, and keep creating…especially when it scares you.Whenever you're ready, I can help you with:* Workshop design and facilitation* Facilitation and workshop training, including AI Opportunity Mapping, Strategy & Design Sprints* Intention setting, planning, and incremental progress for success This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit facilitationartist.substack.com