The secret psychosis of a first-time mother

When psychologist Ariane Beeston started having delusions after the birth of her son, and hallucinating that he was a dragon, she had to learn how to become the patient.Ariane Beeston thought that when her son was born, she would feel that immediate rush of love that everyone told her to expect, and that motherhood would come naturally to her.But that's not what happened.Instead, Ariane started having delusions about her own death, she became paranoid that social services would take her child away from her, and she hallucinated that her baby boy was actually a dragon.For months, Ariane hid her symptoms, afraid and ashamed of what she was feeling and seeing.When she gathered the courage to ask for help, Ariane, a trained psychologist, had to learn how to become the patient, as she navigated a diagnosis of postpartum psychosis.Further informationBecause I'm Not Myself You See is published by Black Inc. BooksResourcesCOPE: Centre of Perinatal ExcellenceSupport lines and resources recommended by COPEPANDA National Helpline 1300 726 306 — available Monday to Friday, 9am to 7.30pm, Saturday, 9am to 4pm AEST/AEDT.PANDA: Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia post natal psychosis informationPregnancy Birth Baby information on postpartum psychosis (Australian Government website)Gidget Foundation Australia (focuses on emotional wellbeing of expectant parents)Postpartum psychosis fact sheet from COPEPostpartum psychosis information (Royal Women's Hospital Melbourne)To binge even more great episodes of the ‘Conversations podcast’ with Richard Fidler and Sarah Kanowski go the ABC listen app (Australia) or wherever you get your podcasts. There you’ll find hundreds of the best thought-provoking interviews with authors, writers, artists, politicians, singers, psychologists, musicians, and celebrities.

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