#490: It Starts with YOU: Nine Lessons to Change Your Life with Jillian Turecki, Relationship Coach, Teacher, Podcaster, Author, & Speaker
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What are the common patterns people follow in relationships?
A lot of women, and men again will do this too, but a lot more women will silence what their needs are. Let me try to be cool. Let me go with the flow. Let me be a pleaser. Let me be a nurturer. Because everything is like, I want you to choose me. I want you to pursue me. I want to be like that fairy tale. And nothing could be further from the truth of what reality is. And that is, you have to be the one who is direct and forward about what it is that you want. You are to be the one who is also choosing. And you are going to become much more attractive to many more people when you actually assume that role.
Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my closeup.
Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back with me this week. Okay, you are going to love our guest and our conversation today, so get ready for it. Jillian Turecki is a renowned relationship coach, teacher, author, and host of the podcast Jillian on Love. Fueled by an insatiable curiosity about what makes relationships thrive, Jillian has helped thousands over the last 20 years through her teachings, courses, and writings to revolutionize their relationship with themselves and so that they transform their romantic relationships. Jillian has sought out for her compassionate, direct, and very authentic style of coaching, teaching, and writing. Jillian, thank you so much for being here today.
Oh, thank you so much for having me.
Okay, so let's get right to it. I have lots of people on the show that I'm not necessarily familiar with or a fan of. However, I am a fan of your social like a maniac and now your new book. And you speak so directly to me and obviously millions of others. But I am definitely a person who has struggled with relationships her whole entire life. And there's something about the way you approach things? I don't know what it is, but you've got to hear this from so many different people. What is it? What is your secret sauce? I don't know.
I think I just really understand the mind of people and a lot of women, especially who are really great people, but struggle in relationships. I think I just understand that psychology because I've been that person before. So maybe that's it. And I think I just I draw a lot from my own experience as well as my professional experience. And I just try to really just say the truth. So maybe that is it.
I don't know. It's definitely working. And I agree with you. I always say to people, I want advice on how to get out of a ditch from somebody who's been in the ditch and found a way to successfully get out. Not someone who was on the sidelines watching the whole thing go down. So I appreciate you being there. One of the things that was surprising for me reading your new book was learning about your childhood and your father. I had no idea. Can you give a little bit about your backstory and how you got started into all this work?
Yeah. So, I mean, I grew up, my parents were immigrants. My father originally from Poland, my mom originally from South Africa, but then they met in South Africa and my parents had a terrible marriage. My father at the time was undiagnosed bipolar disorder. He was extremely narcissistic, but extremely intelligent to the point of a genius and very good at what he does. And my mom was this young South African model who had a baby when she was really young with another guy and And here she found this man who was my father, who was like this Jewish doctor. And so that's what you were supposed to do, was get married to the person who was good on paper. And I don't think that they were ever really in love. I don't think she was ever really in love with him. And
They definitely did not have any relationship skills. And there was a lot of emotional abuse and a little bit of violence and a lot of codependency. And, you know, my father also struggled. This was when I was young with addiction, but mostly like self-prescribed stuff. And so I grew up in a very, very tense household between two people with two parents who did not get along.
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