Dear Hank & John
Episodes
133: Fork Bouquet
26 Mar 2018
Contributed by Lukas
What should I do with all these plastic forks? At what age do you grow out of regret? Do ants sleep? And more! Email us: [email protected] patreo...
132: Schrödinger's Floor
19 Mar 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Why do we need constant mental stimuli? How do I clean my room? Can I still be friends with my ex's family? And more! Email us: [email protected]...
131: Space War Fears
12 Mar 2018
Contributed by Lukas
How do I handle the surprise baby hamsters? Can I take things from someone else's shopping cart? Are we all gonna die in a space war? And more! Email ...
130: The LaCroix Boix
05 Mar 2018
Contributed by Lukas
How much sand is there? How do I unfriend the murder? How does one finance baby? And more! Email us: [email protected] patreon.com/dearhankandjoh...
129: The Worst Guest Books
26 Feb 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Am I not invited to my aunt's wedding? Do I tell my friend I clogged their toilet? Is there an Olympic Hall of Urine? And more! Email us: hankandjohn...
128: AARTcoin
19 Feb 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Are hitchhiker ants okay? How do I tell my parents I want to study economics? Who is responsible for calling back after a dropped call? And more! Emai...
127: How to Befriend a Crow
12 Feb 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Should I follow my dreams of having strange animal friends? What would happen if I pee in this humidifier? Is it disrespectful to look at someone whil...
126: The Space Alien Orange Peel Health Craze
05 Feb 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Should I spend prom at Target or break up my friends? How does Legolas never run out of arrows? What would happen if all plants ceased to exist? And m...
125: Book Hangovers (w/ Sarah Urist Green!)
29 Jan 2018
Contributed by Lukas
How do people love reading when it hurts? How do you make friends in art class? How do you proceed after accidentally slow dancing with someone? And m...
124: Liars and Litterers and Thieves
23 Jan 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Can I hoard stolen goods? How do I make sure I don't become a racist? How do I get cookies? And more! Email us: [email protected] patreon.com/dear...
123: The Incredible Glamorous Hulk
15 Jan 2018
Contributed by Lukas
How do fish get into lakes? How do I stay aware of things without giving them views? Do aliens communicate with sign language? And more! Thank you to ...
122: The Last Brand Deal
08 Jan 2018
Contributed by Lukas
Am I too young to be self-supervised? Can I throw away my dead grandmother's sponges? How do I make a personal retirement PowerPoint for Rick? And mor...
121: Every Plum Has Its Thorn
25 Dec 2017
Contributed by Lukas
What is the point of love if it always ends? How do I scream? How do I stop a surprise avian ring delivery? And more! Email us: [email protected] ...
120: Snake Cuddle Time
18 Dec 2017
Contributed by Lukas
How do I memorize all the birds? Should I join the Navy? How do you eat trail mix? And more! Email us: [email protected] patreon.com/dearhankandjo...
119: Water Is Dry (w/ Greg Miller!)
11 Dec 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Why don't I have a lifelong friend? How can I become ruler of everyone with my name? What are snails trying to flee?? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@...
118: Heavy Baby Bib! (w/ Alex Goldman!)
04 Dec 2017
Contributed by Lukas
What counts as significant change? How do you know who you're supposed to buy presents for? Is it weird to let someone know you're thinking of them? A...
117: Lightsaber Your Tiny House (w/ Katherine Green!)
27 Nov 2017
Contributed by Lukas
What do you do with cereal dust? What happens if kid doesn't like dog? How did cave people cut their fingernails? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gmai...
116: Do Not Enter the Craft Fort! (w/ Caitlin Hofmeister!)
20 Nov 2017
Contributed by Lukas
How do you surprise loved ones in small apartments? What is the line between archaeology and grave robbing? What is the appropriate time to get into t...
115: Semi-Immortal 35-Year-Olds on Mars
13 Nov 2017
Contributed by Lukas
What is the smallest part of the body you can be a doctor in? Why do we rub our eyes when we're tired? How do I turn my imagination off long enough to...
114: Confused About Batman
06 Nov 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Over the last month, Hank and John have been on the road going to cities all across America. Every stop, they did a short episode of Dear Hank and Joh...
113: Aardvarks with Guns
30 Oct 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Is outer space full of vampires? Am I engaged? Why haven't our mouths evolved to be better at pumpkin spice lattes? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gm...
112: Toaster Is a Wolf to Dog
24 Oct 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Where does candle wax go? Can you just switch where you're sitting one day? Does saying "I love you" eventually lose its meaning? And more! Email us: ...
111: Omagles All the Way Down
09 Oct 2017
Contributed by Lukas
How do I get in on my neighbor's cranberry bread? How do I live in a very small room? Who's responsible for the divider in a checkout line? And more! ...
110: One and Less Extra Bone
02 Oct 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Where does all the extra body come from? Why are grapefruits called grapefruits? Is it acceptable to talk about social media in real life? And more! E...
109: The Catastrophizing Kindergarten Teacher
25 Sep 2017
Contributed by Lukas
How do I stop whistling? How do you not get burned out? How do I get rid of a death zit? And more! Email us: [email protected] patreon.com/dearhan...
108: We Would All Be Flounders
18 Sep 2017
Contributed by Lukas
What do I say to my blind date? How do I get my mom to call me less frequently? Are you supposed to ask a father for his daughter's hand in marriage? ...
107: skREvEL!
11 Sep 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Why do I feel safer with the lights on? Why can't my bathtub be in my living room? Am I in danger of being electrocuted? And more! Turtles All the Way...
106: Cannibal Mermaids
05 Sep 2017
Contributed by Lukas
How far can you get making only right turns? What's the proper response to being constantly serenaded? Does fire have mass? And more! Email us: hankan...
105: Fancy Diving
28 Aug 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Is cake salty? How do I get alone time at a party without a cigarette? Where is the rest of An Imperial Affliction? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gm...
104: Dove Quivering
21 Aug 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Why am I afraid of something I know doesn’t exist? Can I avoid scurvy by sticking my arm in a giant vat of orange juice? What is proper etiquette fo...
103: There Are No Boxes (w/ Gaby Dunn!)
14 Aug 2017
Contributed by Lukas
What is a mug without a handle? When's the right time to get a Saturn tattoo? Should I come out when I'm not ready? And more! Email us: hankandjohn@gm...
102: The Friend Bucket
07 Aug 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Could you take down a coyote with your arms? Should people be allowed to put things in someone else's Netflix queue? How do I cope with social anxiety...
101: Knit like a Mofo
31 Jul 2017
Contributed by Lukas
What would happen if all mosquitoes die? What do I do about my surprise YouTube celebrity boyfriend? What's the truth about John Lennon's "Imagine"? A...
100th Episode Extravaganza Spectacular!!!
24 Jul 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Who was the first joshing Josh? Do bugs understand glass? How do I learn to chill? And more! probablysignedturtles.com Email us: [email protected]...
99: A Fusing of the Hair
03 Jul 2017
Contributed by Lukas
What do I do if my spouse wants to shave his head? Why are there birds at the airport? What if I'm not as well read as my boyfriend? And more! Email u...
98: An Army of Burrito Children (w/ Dodie Clark!)
26 Jun 2017
Contributed by Lukas
How do you deal with the dissipation of your future plans? Should I tell my parents I met my boyfriend on Tinder? How do I succeed if I'm not a go-get...
97: Lemon Salty Whales
19 Jun 2017
Contributed by Lukas
When should I introduce my kid to Star Wars? Can I dislike parts of my life even though I have privilege? How did humans start swimming? And more! Ema...
96: Next Level Laziness
12 Jun 2017
Contributed by Lukas
If you put in work to be lazy, is it still laziness? Does Lin Manuel Miranda listen to Hamilton for funzies? At what point are you supposed to put wat...
95: Lawn Care Vigilantism
05 Jun 2017
Contributed by Lukas
What should my fun fact about me be? How do Christians and non-Christians get along? Am I too old to listen to this podcast? And more! Email us: hanka...
94: Pocket Conspiracy Theories (w/ Matthew Gaydos!)
29 May 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Is Hank a reptilian-human hybrid? How do I grieve and also be there for my students? What do you do when you do something terrible by accident? And mo...
93: Nothing Fits on a Bumper Sticker
22 May 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Can a writer mess with science for poetic purposes? If you enjoy Narnia, would you enjoy The Fountainhead? Is there a right social construct to teach?...
92: Cewebrity
15 May 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Should I contact the guy who owns the plane on which I was born? Are art and content different? Does it matter that the guy I'm dating has a six pack ...
91: Everything Is Everything (w/ Mayim Bialik!)
08 May 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Why do I like the smell of gasoline? What should I do about my racist boss? What is the clothes fastener technology in Star Wars? And more! Email us: ...
90: Glitter Soul
02 May 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Are you really in the clear with liquor before beer? Should I embrace the error on my birth certificate? Does it really matter where I go to college? ...
89: A Rich Guy with an Affinity for Bats
24 Apr 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Is Batman a superhero? How do I claim an island as my own? Is there a "no politics" rule in dating? And more! Email us: [email protected] If you'r...
88: Hank's Profound Graduation Speech
10 Apr 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Why do rich people like golf so much? What color is the sky on Mars? How much do I need to fact-check news before I share it? Where are bird ears??? A...
87: The Future Is Gonna Rule
03 Apr 2017
Contributed by Lukas
How do I develop a cool signature? How do I tell my dad I've been hiding a snake for several months? Is it acceptable to shout advice at strangers? An...
86: This Week in Ryans
27 Mar 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Do taller people have bigger organs? Are more expensive clothes actually better? Is there a secular way to say you're "praying" for someone? And more!...
85: Stay Gold, Potaterson
20 Mar 2017
Contributed by Lukas
What should my motto be? What vegetable is happiness? When is enough really enough? And more! Email us: [email protected] If you're in need of dub...
84: Live from NerdCon: Nerdfighteria!
13 Mar 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Where are all the fireflies? What is "the spark"? Was Alexander Hamilton or Sirius Black a bigger drama queen? And more! If you're in need of dubious ...
83: There's No Rock and Roll on Mars
06 Mar 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Is the Big Bang really a thing? Does the driver or the passenger get to pick the music? What if someone gets pregnant on Mars? And more! Email us: han...
82: Where There Was Previously Nothing
20 Feb 2017
Contributed by Lukas
How long until everyone is related to Beyoncé? When does parenting stop sucking? How can I help the world without being rich? And more! NerdCon: Nerd...
81: Always Making Progress Forever
13 Feb 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Can you separate the artist from the work? How do bugs survive microwaves? Will we ever be a perfectly unified planet? And more! Sarah's cookies! http...
80: Life Is Hard and Also Has Good Things
06 Feb 2017
Contributed by Lukas
What are the top ten kinds of spoons? Why do boys kiss like dying fish? What would happen if we lost gravity for fifteen seconds? And more! NerdCon: N...
79: Tiny Useless Pelvises (That Are Still There)
30 Jan 2017
Contributed by Lukas
How nice do you have to be at the grocery store? How do we know humans didn't come from Mars? What is sound even? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: ww...
78: Being Sure
23 Jan 2017
Contributed by Lukas
How do I stop catfishing someone? How do I not feel embarrassed sharing my writing? Should I DIY my shirt? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdc...
77: Save Us, Giant Octopus
16 Jan 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Should you always imagine people complexly? Would constellations be different on Mars? How many trees would you have to plant to offset your carbon fo...
76: The Best of Dear Hank & John
09 Jan 2017
Contributed by Lukas
A look back on some of the most memorable moments in the history of the pod! Featuring: Jurassic Mars, Ryan, OH MY GOD IT'S BURNING, John's atrocious ...
75: The Nutrient Coconut Milk of Sin (w/ Katherine Green!)
03 Jan 2017
Contributed by Lukas
Who does my cat think I am? Is listening to music a waste of time? Should we get a new coconut? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerdfight...
74: The Kindness Muscle
28 Dec 2016
Contributed by Lukas
How do I deal with finals stress? What building would you haunt? How do I teach my kid not to bully? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteria: www.nerdconnerd...
73: Planes, Trains, and Automosqueals
19 Dec 2016
Contributed by Lukas
What do you do if you're lost in the forest? Is Santa subject to trademark laws? Should I take a boring job for money? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfighteri...
72: Planet Dirt (Hank Returns!)
12 Dec 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? Should I tell my mom about my risky plans? What is the tipping point for apocalypse chaos? And more! NerdCon: Nerdfight...
71: Only Pause for Applause (w/ Hannah Hart!)
06 Dec 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Help, I can't tell my roommates apart! What if my relationship has an expiry date? How much reflection should you do after finishing a book? And more!...
70: The Rhythmic Thud of the Space Bar (w/ Ashley Ford!)
22 Nov 2016
Contributed by Lukas
How do we move forward post-Election Day? How do you know when/if to have kids? Why does the space bar sound like that? And more! If you're in need of...
69: Live from NerdCon: Stories (w/ Karen Hallion!)
07 Nov 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Who is the foxiest founding father? How do I convince my boyfriend to not go to Mars? Is all my sister's stuff mine now? And more! If you're in need o...
68: Gaga in Space (w/ Tyler Oakley!)
01 Nov 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Are quesadillas sandwiches? What is the ideal OK Cupid match percentage? How much of another person's food am I allowed to consume? And more! If you'r...
67: Feeling Home
24 Oct 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Should I ghost out of my job? Are bubble baths a hobby or an interest? How do I not feel like a forever foreigner? And more! If you're in need of dubi...
66: A Great Bit of Oratory
17 Oct 2016
Contributed by Lukas
How do I keep enjoying music I enjoyed with an ex? How do I recover from being doused in bull semen? What are my responsibilities when people ask me t...
65: But... You're a Horse
03 Oct 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Should we fear a locust apocalypse? Will listening to Japanese while I sleep help me remember it? How do I remain confident in my art around older, mo...
64: Really Terrible Scandinavian Geography Lessons
26 Sep 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Why won't people accept my tissues? Should half-wolf children be vaccinated? What do I do when I see a stranger crying in public? And more! If you're ...
63: World Queen
19 Sep 2016
Contributed by Lukas
What do I do while people are singing "Happy Birthday"? What are mushrooms even? Is it okay to want people to not be wrong? And more! If you're in nee...
62: Pumpkins and Penguins (and Fiddles)
12 Sep 2016
Contributed by Lukas
How do I go about my secret fiddle long con? Why do almost all zippers have the letters YKK on them? Do bugs ever have a destination in mind when they...
61: Tiny Acts of Kindness
06 Sep 2016
Contributed by Lukas
How do gas planets work? What is proper door etiquette? Is Hank going to put the lime in the coconut and drink it all together? And more! If you're in...
60: There Is Almost Always a Future
30 Aug 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Where all all the dead birds? Should I really live each day of my life like it's my last? Am I a fraud for being a social chameleon? And more! If you'...
59: Hank's Disaster Preparedness Plan
22 Aug 2016
Contributed by Lukas
What is my actual favorite color? At what point in the day do I switch to "have a good night" as my go-to courtesy? What do I do when The Big One hits...
58: That's the Science (w/ Flula!)
16 Aug 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Why are there holes in crackers? What is proper hot tub etiquette? Can I snapchat politicians about immigration reform? And more! If you're in need of...
57: Og Nomekop
09 Aug 2016
Contributed by Lukas
How do I organize someone else's books? How do I justify the money allocated to extending my life? How does tug of war work? And more! If you're in ne...
56: Is It Going to Throw Up?
02 Aug 2016
Contributed by Lukas
How do I dad? Are expiration dates just suggestions? What do I call the people I work with? Do I really need to get drunk on my twenty-first birthday?...
55: A Proper Dumpster Fire
26 Jul 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Should I sell cold, fresh potty water? Why don't we write phonetically? Why do I like all this sad stuff? And more! If you're in need of dubious advic...
54: Nerd Punk
06 Jul 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Are bell peppers airtight? How do I quit smoking? Why is that new baby smell so good? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us at hanka...
53: The Worst Episode Ever
30 Jun 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Do fish swim? Is Hank snapchatting? How do I stop my earphones from getting tangled? How do I deal with a job that I hate? And more! If you're in need...
52: We Are in This Together
21 Jun 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Will my laptop sterilize me? Do you like (or write) fanfiction? Where is the rest of the lizard whose tail I found in my room? And more! If you're in ...
51: Weird/Bad Dancefighting
15 Jun 2016
Contributed by Lukas
What are nerdfighters fighting? How do I learn to enjoy physical activity? How do I stop talking about Mars in my sleep? And more! If you're in need o...
50: Things Are Like Other Things
07 Jun 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Why isn't John on Hank's Top 8 on MySpace? What is the correct way to eat an Oreo? Is my can opener a sign that I've entered an alternate universe? An...
49: Not Not an Adult (w/ Sydney Green!)
31 May 2016
Contributed by Lukas
How do you define adulthood? Is it slice of pizza or piece of pizza? How do I reclaim my armrest when I'm in the middle seat? And more! If you're in n...
48: Pizza John Priorities
24 May 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Is Pizza John inherently unsexy? Should I court familial disaster? Where else can I seek dubious advice? And more! AFC update tag music is 'News Sting...
47: You're Gonna Be Okay
17 May 2016
Contributed by Lukas
How do I mourn a mug? What if it had been Vlogsisters instead of Vlogbrothers? How do I navigate roommatedom? And more! If you're in need of dubious a...
46: Brotherhood 3.0
02 May 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Where are all the Bob Ross paintings? Why is a minor injury more painful to me than literal childbirth? How do I get myself a surprise party? And more...
45: Not Knowing
26 Apr 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Should I feel guilty about liking Hamilton? Why aren't we talking about our impending death by Yellowstone? Should I be saving all my burrito money fo...
44: A Life Sandwich
20 Apr 2016
Contributed by Lukas
How do I find joy when my main source of it has been taken away? How do I deal with my unfortunate name, which is not Ryan? How do I handle compliment...
43: Gotta Be Kitten
12 Apr 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Why do people put up with banana opportunity cost? How do I deal with bird attacks? Chemtrails: what's up with them? And more! If you're in need of du...
42: Mayonnaise Malaise
05 Apr 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Am I making unethical sandwich decisions? Am I a sucker for not cheating in school? Do we need drive-thru reform? Why do farts smell worse in the show...
41: In the Absence of Toes
29 Mar 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Have we checked in on the bees? What would happen if you lost your big toe? How do you stir hot cocoa efficiently? And more! If you're in need of dubi...
40: Almost Distressingly Good Advice
21 Mar 2016
Contributed by Lukas
How Canadian am I, really? How should I unpack? How do I reconcile my ideals with my actions? And more! If you're in need of dubious advice, email us ...
39: Feelings Are All Right (with Katherine Green)
16 Mar 2016
Contributed by Lukas
How do I overcome pizza betrayal? What's the deal with sesame seeds? How do I solve my sibling ball crisis? What do I do in Montana? How do I deal wit...
38: The Smelling in Your Dwelling
08 Mar 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Why don't bugs die when we flick them? Why do we talk the way we do? What's the deal with dollars in movies? How much would it cost to buy the world a...
37: The Floridiest Place
02 Mar 2016
Contributed by Lukas
How do you reattach John's head? Why aren't supreme court justices chosen more efficiently? How do you hug? Does Mars have seasons? Why don't people e...
36: Grief Is Super Weird
23 Feb 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Is there a secret planet opposite ours? Is strawberry flavor fooling us all? How can we be better listeners? Why do people ghost other people? If you'...
35: Should I Get Baptized if I Don't Believe?
16 Feb 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Am I Lisa Turtle or Screech? What would happen to lava on the sun? After blowing ones nose, why does one look into the Kleenex? Coconuts are hairy an ...
34: YouTube Freaky Friday
09 Feb 2016
Contributed by Lukas
Can I eat expired Mac N Cheese? What would you do if you only had 300 subscribers on YouTube? Is a kitty on my lap an excuse for tardiness? What if yo...