Show notes
Hi there! Belah here. Today it's just me, sharing my story and what this podcast at Delight Your Marriage is all about! I founded delightyourmarriage.com to help wives live in wholehearted intimacy with their spouses. What does that mean? I want you and your marriage to be amazing. Why? Because when you have an incredible marriage you can do so much more of what God wants for you and your life. How do I know? I share of my ignorance of sex growing up and how I was rudely awakened to it's realities as a young bride. Then how God taught me some significant lessons through the place of pain and what happened. All the links, resources, and show notes available at: http://delightyourmarriage.com/ ------------------ Belah's book---Delight Your Husband: A Christian wife's manual to passion, confidence and oral sex---may be the tool God would use to bring light and joy to your marriage bed. If you're at a place of desire for change in intimacy in your marriage--men or women--consider signing up for a free Clarity Call ($500 value!) where you and Belah will dive deep into what's going on in your marriage and help you uncover what is blocking amazing intimacy! From couples that hadn't made love in years to couples who were in an affair--God has brought passion, healing and fun to these marriages! She's currently offering this 40min Clarity Call opportunity to podcast listeners for free! Schedule here. - - - - - delight your marriage episode one. Welcome to the delight your marriage podcast, the show where you hear from amazing and inspiring wives sharing their struggles, triumphs, and advice for this journey called marriage. Here's your host, belah Rose. Hi, this is belah rose. And I'm so excited that you have joined me today. I am really thrilled that delight, your marriage is finally up, I have kind of been working on it as a heart project for a long time. And now you will hear are listening to the first episode. So I was so excited. Basically, this project is my own pursuit of living wholeheartedly in my marriage. And my desire is that you come along and have a wholehearted life experience in marriage as well. Because ultimately, don't we all want to get to our 80th birthday, holding our husband's hand and smiling thinking of all the amazing memories that we've had together? Well, that's my vision of what it looked like at my 80th birthday. So anyway, I want to give a little bit about the structure of the podcast and let you know what the plans are on how often it will happen. I also want to tell you a little bit about my story and my struggles and why I'm passionate about marriage. So here's the deal, the podcast will come out Tuesdays and Thursdays. And it will be an interview from an inspiring wife or an expert on emotional spiritual or sexual intimacy. Because each one of those facets make up the intimacy that we're talking about in marriage. So I'm excited to bring you their stories of some struggles in their marriages. And some really great times as well as what they've learned along the way. I asked each of them also for a tip about sexual intimacy. Because really, how can you learn enough about that area? So why am I interested in all of this, and why is sexual intimacy so important to my heart in my life is I grew up really ignorant of it. And I think that's often a lot of people's stories, I grew up a Christian, I had a great childhood, really, I'm very grateful for many, many things. There were some struggles in my childhood, as well. But to give you a little bit of a picture, I grew up kind of on a farm in a rural area. So lots of animals with horses and sheep and goats and chickens and whatever else. So there was lots of physical hard work all the time. And I think my parents felt like that was healthy for kids. And I think it is, you know, lots of things to do. But I think they thought things like sex would never come up, because we had so many other things to talk and think about, which, you know, I understand that they didn't want their kids to be exploring before they should and whatever else, but turned into getting to middle school not knowing a thing about sex and what everyone else is talking about. And I remember in middle school, there was a boy who was really popular and sitting next to me, was science class, I think. And he decided to tell me the gossip around the popular kids, I guess was that some boy had an erection in gym class. And, of course, I didn't know the slang term that he used. And I didn't know at all what any of that meant. And I was completely humiliated and turned completely red in the face. And I asked my friend who was very knowledgeable on the subject, and she kind of blew my mind with what a penis actually is in sex, and I just had no clue. So I came home completely frustrated with my mom, so angry yelled at her for not telling me anything about this whole topic. Well, unfortunately, my yelling didn't help the situation. And in fact, I pretty much got no further instructions on the matter at all. So when I got to college, I was still a virgin. And I met this guy who showed a lot of interest in me from the get go. He was very complimentary and flattered me quite a bit. He was much older than me. So it was just a very interesting thing. It was he ended up being my first boyfriend and then we pretty quickly after that got married, and it was a really, really tough marriage. I was completely unaware of. Most of what goes on in a marriage. I just really wasn't prepared to have sexual intimacy. I wasn't perfect. to have constructive and healthy arguments, I just couldn't. Really, there were just so many areas that I didn't understand, coming into marriage. And I mean, I wasn't the only one, I think my husband at the time was very. Maybe he had some expectations that weren't fully understood by me. And there were just, there was a lot of issues. And sex especially was a huge issue for me, I just couldn't understand how it was a good thing and how, you know, there was a lot of physical pain involved. I mean, I just, I was kind of a mess, I didn't understand why my body didn't just kick into gear when the clothes came off is not what was happening in the movies. So yeah, didn't work out. But, you know, I worked really, really hard. I read, I don't know, dozens, at least books during that time, about sex about marriage. And I just, it was above my head there, there were just so many broken parts of our marriage. And so many areas. I mean, there wasn't mutual respect, there was just a lot. So the point is, we got divorced, I guess, two years into the marriage, and maybe two and a half. And after that, I just decided, You know what I'm done. I did what God told me to do. And I saved sex to marriage. And it was terrible, and I hated it. And it was never good for me. So after that, I use sex really, as a weapon. And I was really promiscuous for a couple of years, and just didn't value sex at all, I just felt like there was nothing of value here. It's really just a power game. And so now, I feel like I'm sexy and desired. So I can kind of use that to entice whomever I want to, and then, you know, and act like it didn't matter in the end. Now. As I'm sure many other women have discovered, I also discovered that my heart really hurt after, you know, sleeping with someone, that didn't matter to me, I woke up the next day, pretty, pretty empty. And also, I became attached to a couple of these guys. And I meant nothing to them. And it wasn't reciprocated, and it really, really hurt. So looking for another fling, I got this crush on this guy at work. And then I learned slowly that this guy really, really cared about me. And it was kind of shocking, because I haven't been cared about like that ever before. And he really valued me as a woman. And I remember one time we were sitting over breakfast, and I literally just felt warm tears streaming down my face as just the revelation of how much this man cared about me. Because it struck me because for years, I've been living in this understanding of, I'm only valued because of my sex. I'm only valued because I'm beautiful. And guys want to have sex with me. And yet, here's this person that is telling me that I'm valued for much, much more than that. Like, he would ask me almost consistently, this one question that I thought was so funny, it asked me, Are you okay? And, I mean, that has never been normal for me ever to even think about my emotions like that. I was always like, we're thinking about other people and other things and other situations. And we're having fear about this, and that, and that's kind of how I grew up. But never to really like, consider him. Am I okay. And that was just his personality. He was a huge blessing. And so anyway, we started dating, and then, about two years into our relationship, I was just so afraid, because it was so wonderful. We were having such an amazing time. But I started getting afraid, like, is this going to end? Is this the guy that I should marry? Am I going to make a huge mistake by marrying this guy? After here? I made this huge mistake before and I just got super nervous. And it was also around the time that we started going to church together. It was kind of amazing, because he had not believed in God at all. I, again was raised Christian, but then went away from it after my marriage ended. So I had asked him if we could start going and kind of slowly happened that he was willing to come with me. And we started getting involved in the community and people were really kind and he started enjoying it. And I really enjoyed the teachings and it was kind of amazing how we started to go there. And I remember my pastor had said something about well, he wanted me I'm older. team actually, and I knew I was having sex outside of marriage, I knew that was wrong in the Christian faith. And when there was a leadership conference about basically, you know, as a leader, these are kind of the expectations. One of them is, you know, sex within marriage. And I just was honest about what we were doing. And he kind of gave us some encouragement that it is possible to stop and you guys should really get married if, if this is the level of intimacy you want to have with each other. Yeah, so I was I was kind of in this, like fearful game of is this the person that I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with? Or is this someone that, you know, was a fling and made me feel good about myself, and it was just an ego trip the whole time. So I went on kind of self exploration, very unhealthy self exploration. And I basically ended up hurting my boyfriend at the time, very deeply in that, just breaking up with him and kind of just getting Yeah, really hurting him. But thank God, I was able to realize that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. And I basically can't breathe, thinking about us not being together. So I had had my wedding ring well, so it was my grandmother's ring. It wasn't her wedding ring, but she had some beautiful diamonds on it. And I gave it to him and asked him when he was ready, I would love to receive it back at some point. And he knew that I was serious at that point that that I wasn't going to run away. Again, it was a it was a definite thing. So a couple of weeks later, he actually had the diamonds put into a new setting very beautifully. And he proposed. And we had a great wedding, great party, and we had a baby shortly thereafter. And now we've had another one. And it's just been an incredible marriage, it is kind of blown my mind how wonderful it's been. Every day, I kind of wake up amazed that God has given me such an amazing husband and life. But after we got married, that's when we started getting really involved in our church. And I was able to repent of all my past sin all my past sexual sins, with my boyfriend at the time now my husband, and also the other things that I listed. So I felt a huge sense of relief after getting married really, like I wasn't expecting it. But it totally opened the door for me to become close with God close with friends. And here I am today. So as I said, I grew up without a great role model. In terms of my parents, they both divorced when I was, well, I was an adult, but it's still I mean, even as an adult, it's just not, it's not as great as you would love it to be so. So I didn't have great examples of marriage. So how am I supposed to learn to have a good marriage without examples, and, you know, having had a first experience with marriage is being so terrible. So really horrible. I've been scared really, that this marriage could in the same way if I'm not really careful. And I think that gives me a pretty unique perspective, because I have seen what it looks like on the other side, and have recognized that the mistakes you make, and the offhanded comments and the disrespectful remarks, and just the way you are with each other on a daily basis adds up and makes for a pretty horrible experience. And I recognize in my marriage now that, you know, I don't want to go down that road, I don't want all these little things to add up into a giant, giant barrier between us. And so that's something I really have seen the difference between a really difficult marriage and a really great marriage. And I see how God can use each. So the first one definitely taught me a lot. I mean, often when you're in the worst struggles of your life, you learn the most. So I learned that I need to be kind, I need to be patient and gracious. And you know, I just don't want it to get into that spot ever again. And then. Now being in an amazing marriage. I've learned that God wants us to have amazing marriages because he can do a whole lot more in us and through us. You know, when you're in a difficult spot in your marriage, it's all consuming. I mean, you just can't think of anything else. You're crying all the time or angry all the time or stressed all the time. I mean, I cry a lot so that's my, that's my go to. But you know, it just, it's so different when you're in a good spot with your marriage, that you have this emotional and mental space that you wouldn't otherwise have, you've got this energy for life and the things that God wants to do, you just you want to go with God in those pursuits, because you're just so fulfilled in your marriage. It's just amazing how God set it up. So yeah, so that's really the where my passion has come from, and where I want those that listen to get to, I want you to get to a place of real fulfillment and joy in your marriage, because it's going to affect every other area of your life. We need to hear from women that have been successful, how have they made it 30 plus years, or even 789 years, successfully, and, you know, everyone's at different stages of marriage in marriage. So I wanted to hear from experts that have been able to do it for like I said, you know, 1020 3040 years, and learn from their mistakes and learn from their struggles and, and hear their testimony. And so, we have some amazing guests that have really sorted through their really challenging heart stuff. And, you know, there is vulnerable with you as I was just with you here a couple minutes ago, and they really want to help your marriage. And it's so great. Because I've been able to learn from them, I've been able to grow myself. And you know, it's just so cool to hear that you're not alone, that you're not alone in this difficulty. You're not alone, in the challenges that you face. But you can rely on God, and you can hear other stories, and you can be inspired by them. So please stick around, you know, check out the podcast, check out the blog, check out the comments section, you know, share what is on your heart there. So I'm also an author, I wrote a book called delight your husband, which is really about getting through all of your reservations as a Christian wife, and getting to the place where you can be creative and spice up the bedroom and really feel competent and confident in the place of sexual intimacy with your man. So that is delight your husband calm. And like I said, This podcast is delight your marriage.com Each of the shows is going to be about 45 minutes. This one's a little shorter, because I wanted to just give you an overview of what it's going to be like. But I asked the questions that I'm hoping that are on your heart, too, when you hear from someone and you hear their story. And you're like, Oh, I'd love to know about this. So I really try to come at it from the angle of what would you want to hear from these, again, experts, the people that have been able to do marriage and do it well, and really have the kind of life that each of us want in our marriage. I'm so happy that you decided to join me today. And yeah, I'm really looking forward to talking more with you and learning more about you. I hope that you'll share your story with me. I hope that you'll email me belah at delight your marriage.com and we'll be in touch soon. Blessings, love you and I'm praying for you and I'm praying for your marriage. Talk to you soon. Bye. Thanks for listening. If you've been blessed by this, why not share it? Until next time, live with love, wisdom and passion